Reasonable age to leave a child home alone

[CorsicaDreaming]

What age do you think it is reasonable to leave a child home alone (from 5 mins pop to the corner shop, to an hour in the daytime, if you want to go out for a quick walk and they don't, to full evenings?)

I'm just interested in what other people's experiences are and what they feel would be reasonable, as the law is surprisingly vague on it. Appreciate there are quite a lot of factors involved, like whether you live near people you know well, or in a remote place, and how sensible your child is, but it would be just interesting to hear people's views - including those nuances - on the question.

Thanks – just wondering when other people started doing this, and how they approached it.

@Delatron

Considering secondary school kids travel alone to school often on public transport I can’t see the issue with a few hours alone after school.

I don’t really understand the poster who never left her children. What even at 13/14/15?
Weren’t they out playing with friends etc?
Did she walk them to school at that age?

It's bizarre isn't it?

delatron We do not know where pp lives and how safe it is to leave a younger child. It is those that live in privileged areas that are safe and full of jolly neighbours that perhaps feel much more comfortable, but there will be many children that do not walk to school, not because of helicopter parenting but because it is simply not safe and a crime riddled areas, and there are dealers etc around.

I live in the middle of nowhere in a village and have the opposite problem. My dc couldn't really ask the cows to help if the house is burning down thanks to their cooking efforts.

Not everyone lives in beautiful leafy road with lots of friendly neighbours.

There are plenty of not so great things that happen that a young child may not know what to do:

Answering the door to a delivery driver
Answering the door to the weird neighbour down the road
An electricity cut might scare them in the winter - are candles a good idea?
A wifi outage and they are no longer with their gadget babysitter
Cooking that goes wrong
Chimney fires are really common around here and cause house fires

Most children need to be fairly capable to be left for a few hours.

As OP said, so much depends on your living situation.

I live in a gated compound (not in the UK) with many neighbours I trust and whose houses my kids would happily go to if they had a problem. I've left my 7 year old since she was 6 for maybe 20 mins if popping to the shop or an hour or two if at a neighbour's house and she knows where I am. I'm prepared to be flamed, but I've even done an hour at a neighbour's once or twice with the 6 year old watching TV and the younger ones in bed. She knows to come and get me if the baby cries or the middle one gets out of bed, but she's never had to.

If they're playing out with friends, I would leave the 7 and 4 year olds while I pop to the shop, and just let an adult or a bigger kid know I would be ten minutes.

They can't leave the compound as the guards wouldn't let them out alone. We do have cars and motorbikes inside the compound but they only drive slowly and it's a one-way system which the children understand. I don't see any difference between me popping to the shop or staying in the house if they are playing outside.

I'm aware I would probably have a very different attitude if I lived on a regular street, whether here or in the UK, but I love that where we are now my kids have tons of independence. I don't even know where they are half the time, they could be outside or in someone else's house (sometimes even for dinner!) but I know they're in the compound somewhere. We have a text group we can message if we can't find them and need them sending home. There are usually adults around after school and at weekends as there are quite a few small children who obviously still have someone with them when playing out (parent or nanny) and everyone knows everyone so if there was a problem or an accident, whoever is nearest would immediately intervene anyway.

Of course I can imagine a million awful scenarios but I don't think they're much more likely to happen if I'm not inside my house, as I wouldn't necessarily be in the same room supervising a 4 or 7 year old. Obviously the baby is never left unattended when awake!

I don't know at what age I would do longer or whole evenings, but I imagine much younger than most on this thread because I have active neighbours who would not mind being disturbed if there was a problem and who would definitely step in, as I would for them. And, crucially, my children are (so far) pretty sensible and they know where to go if they need help.

I don’t really understand the poster who never left her children. What even at 13/14/15?

That might have been me? You are correct they were never left at those ages. Like I said, circumstances meant someone was always home.

Weren’t they out playing with friends etc?

Yes, indeed they were out with friends. Just like any other young person.

Did she walk them to school at that age?

Haha of course not, why would I? My eldest walked to and from school from Primary 5.

The thread is about leaving kids home alone. Not being by their side 24/7.

@ididntevennotice I still don’t understand why it’s fine for a 15 year old to be out and about by themselves but not at home alone.

@Swayingpalmtrees I’m not claiming everyone should leave young chicken alone. I’m pretty sure mine were 9/10 when I left them for short periods but I can’t actually remember. But secondary age when they are walking to school alone seems bizarre.

And yes it’s drummed in to them at 11 and 13 to not answer the door so the scenarios listed won’t happen. They just sit and game.

I work with some families that really can not leave their children and with good reason, I was just pointing that out. Everyone is different, areas, safety, SEN and home set up. Some children hate being left and feel scared. I used to when I was 11yrs, and couldn't tell my parents as my mother had to work. I was really scared of the dark in the winter and hated coming home on my own, but needs must.

My amazon driver continues to hammer on the door when he knows someone is home, so even my teens would be a bit freaked out about that. We get the strange knockers with tea towels as well that never go. I am not sure kids always know how to deal with this stuff.

@Delatron

I still don’t understand why it’s fine for a 15 year old to be out and about by themselves but not at home alone.

I'm not sure anyone has said this? Why are you tagging me? I certainly haven't said that!

I understand all kids are different but surely they need to learn to cope with being in their own (unless other issues) ? The tea towel guys knocking on the door wouldn’t be an issue as mine do not open the door. (And we have a video doorbell that just rings our mobile so we could see and speak to the person at the other end).

They know not to attempt to cook. They know what to do if there’s a fire. I run through lots of situations with them to check they know what to do. I was babysitting at 13/14. I think my 11 (nearly 12) and 13 year old are fine left alone for a few hours. They need to learn independence.

@ididntevennotice you said you never left your children home alone at 13/14/15

You said ‘you are correct they were never left at those ages’

To be honest none of your posts make any sense so best just to leave it.

I agree delatron, but for sure they WILL end up cooking soon enough at some point, my dc did in the end even against my instructions. They also answered the door eventually as it was an ASOS delivery they didn't wan to miss

It is naive to think they will never break your rules, as kids break rules all of the time. As long as they are capable of dealing with emergencies then it is a learning experience that is valuable but not if they end up with second degree burns or worse then that it is just neglect. They were probably too young to leave in the first place (not your dc) but clearly those leaving little ones at seven is neglect plain and simple.

Out of interest, does anyone think there's a difference between the age you'd leave a child so you could go to the shops, versus the age you'd let the child go to the shops themselves?

I can't believe that those who say they wouldn't leave a 10 year old alone for five mins to go to the shops, wouldn't allow said 10 year old to walk to a shop 5 mins away?

Sorry, slightly x posted that with @Delatron

What age do you think it is reasonable to leave a child home alone (from 5 mins pop to the corner shop, to an hour in the daytime, if you want to go out for a quick walk and they don't, to full evenings?)
Five minutes, age eight, unless you can see the shop from the house, then six
An hour, age eight
A quick walk, age eight
An evening, over two hours but home before dark in summer or 8pm in winter, age ten, later than that, age 13

[quote Delatron]@ididntevennotice you said you never left your children home alone at 13/14/15

You said ‘you are correct they were never left at those ages’

To be honest none of your posts make any sense so best just to leave it.[/quote]

No I won't 'leave it'

I said I never left them because circumstances meant there was always someone around.

shadow

Once I sent my dd who was then 10/11 to the local pharmacy. Not for medication but for tape..micropore tape. Short distance from house. No roads to cross. Daylight. 4/430 ish maybe 5. But light still.

She got grilled by staff as to where she lived , where her mum was, etc

At am.age where kids should be able to go to the shop ir walk to school

@ididntevennotice right. Well I’m sure you’re about to reveal the bizarre reason why your older teenage children have never been alone in the house as there was ALWAYS an adult there. But I’ve lost interest. Your strange set up is not really what this thread is about. Maybe you need to get out of the house more if you really have never left a teenager. They must love that.

I suppose people are finding it hard to imagine scenarios in which an adult would always be at home. Obviously if someone was completely housebound, that would be the cast but in the scenario the reason they are housebound but probably mean they wouldn’t be able to deal with an emergency either.

[quote Delatron]@ididntevennotice right. Well I’m sure you’re about to reveal the bizarre reason why your older teenage children have never been alone in the house as there was ALWAYS an adult there. But I’ve lost interest. Your strange set up is not really what this thread is about. Maybe you need to get out of the house more if you really have never left a teenager. They must love that.[/quote]

Fucking hell you are nasty.

@ididntevennotice I did tell you to leave it as none of your posts make sense or are relevant.
We are not taking about 15/16 year olds here.

[quote Delatron]@ididntevennotice I did tell you to leave it as none of your posts make sense or are relevant.
We are not taking about 15/16 year olds here.[/quote]

You are the one who mentioned these ages, not me.

My posts make perfect sense btw, it's so simple. The children were never alone in the house because circumstances meant there was what's an adult there. The more you say it makes no sense the more you explode yourself as being unable to understand basic information.

Urgh, the typos. Now I make no sense

From 11 both DD's were walking to the train, catching that train, changing platforms for another train, and another walk at the other end. Sometimes the trains were cancelled, so they had to walk from school, across town, to catch their home trains. So pretty self sufficient.

However, neither particularly liked being left in the evening, they didn't like the dark much. We did go out for dinner, but always with the caveat that we would come home if they were unhappy.

Ok @ididntevennotice like another poster said I’m struggling to understand how there would always be an adult in the house. There are several occasions weekly where there are no adults in my house. I don’t think that’s unusual.

I can understand basic information. It’s just unusual that’s all.

I’m exploding I’m I? Have I resorted to insults and swearing? You know like your last post?

I’m just confused about your cryptic posts that’s all.