Reasonable age to leave a child home alone

[CorsicaDreaming]

What age do you think it is reasonable to leave a child home alone (from 5 mins pop to the corner shop, to an hour in the daytime, if you want to go out for a quick walk and they don't, to full evenings?)

I'm just interested in what other people's experiences are and what they feel would be reasonable, as the law is surprisingly vague on it. Appreciate there are quite a lot of factors involved, like whether you live near people you know well, or in a remote place, and how sensible your child is, but it would be just interesting to hear people's views - including those nuances - on the question.

Thanks – just wondering when other people started doing this, and how they approached it.

Last year we moved into a house with a small shop down the road, children 8&9. From the beginning we let them go to the shop together, or elder one alone, or leave them home to go (if it was light out, we would go after dark).

Next term, last of Yr6, I've said elder DD doesn't need to come with me to her sisters swimming lessons if she doesn't want... gone just over an hour. She will probably still come with me when I'm running my Cub group, but she often helps too. Thats about 2hrs, which is probably quite dull alone.

Whole evening? No idea yet. See how they mature. Probably not until younger one is 13 or so though.

My very sensible 9yo (year 4) was left for an hour recently for the the first time as he didn't want to come to DC2 ballet show (I took DC3)

He was left under strict instructions not to eat anything and to just stick to watching TV. Neighbours were in downstairs so in absolute emergency he'd go to them.

I've been leaving him for 30 minutes here and there for a few months now. He was fine but I felt quite antsy.

I'm debating leaving him for DC2 swimming lessons (I'd take DC3) weekly for about an hour?

I think it depends on the child? DC2 (7) is my wild one so she won't be left for many years to come and DC3 (4) is disabled but also many years away from this being an issue.

Ds1 (now 13) I left from Year 5 (nearly 10) to pop to shops or school run of 10 mins. Will now leave for a couple of hours in daytime.

DS2 has autism/ADHD. He's 11 next week. I left him for the first time the other day to pop to the shop, was gone 5 mins max.

Ds3 is 8, haven't left him yet.

Will leave all any/both of the others with DS1 for max 20 mins or so, they are pretty sensible together.

@AHungryCaterpillar I’m interested what ss said? Our school actively encourages dc to walk to school alone from age 9 (year 5) which would be about 20 minutes for most (45 for us so we drive - catchment school but there’s an airfield between us you can’t walk over). So if a dc can walk alone for 20 minutes I’m confused why they can’t stay home with clear instructions no to open the door and play minecraft until I return.

We’d briefly leave Dd1 alone from age 9. Dtds are 10 and we now do if dh and I want to walk the dog round the block and they don’t want to come. Usually Dd1 is home though and she’s 14. We didn’t leave dtds at 9 because the two of them bounce off each other and just felt higher risk. They’re almost 11 and start secondary in September and seem much calmer and willing to listen to instructions. Plus they all have phones to text me updates. We don’t deliberately make time to leave them but it’s helpful if dd3 has dance and dh is taking her but I’m running late at work or want to go to bed gym, we can be more flexible.

I told them I didn’t so honestly have no idea what they would have said/done... but yes I was amazed they cared enough to call and check. In my mind there is nothing wrong with leaving a child that age alone for 20 mins!

@AHungryCaterpillar

I was reported to ss for leaving my 9 year old (at the time) home alone for 20 mins 😂 so be careful 🤷‍♀️

@AHungryCaterpillar

Who reported you? What were the circumstances? (Was it a one off or were you doing it everyday?) Any mitigating factors? (Is the child NT?)

What did SS do?

Sorry so many questions but I'm absolutely astounded that this made it onto the radar of SS?

I suspect it very much depends on what your personal circumstances are. There is no wraparound care in secondary which to my mind assumes children can cope alone from 11 ish. Many children are taking more than one form of transport to get to and from school by that age.

Bluntly, if you're a single parent, you have to leave them or you can't work.

10 for up to an hour when I took another dc to an activity or go to the shops.

11 for up to a couple of hours locally.

12 letting themselves in to the house and daytimes in the holidays when I was at work.

13 babysitting younger sibling in daytime while I nip shops/activity runs for other child.

14 babysitting youngest sibling in evening.

When eldest is 16 I'd be fine to leave her and her brother 15 alone overnight but not in charge of their younger sibling who by that point will be 9.

It's all totally family dependent on ages of kids/maturity and how well they get on.

I would leave DS7 at home to pick up toddler from nursery (3 mins walk away).

From about ten - leave him for 30 mins to an hour.

At 13, he can be left for several hours. If we are going out locally (within 5 minutes walk), we will leave him at night too as long as we are back by 11 and we will check in regularly by text.

I know I am laxer / more irresponsible (delete as applicable) than most people these days.

I would leave a sensible 7yo to do a 3 min run to the corner shop for Calpol (and I mean run! )

At 9 I left him for an hour to do parkrun but only having checked that he didn't mind.
He knew how to ring me, I was only a mile away, and our neighbours (same side of road) were in and available if he needed someone instantly.
At 12 he was happy being on his own for a couple of hours.

@Crunchymum the school reported me, dd does have asd but I have already checked with autism groups and sought advice on this and have been informed there are no different or special rules for children with asd it’s the same as a child without it’s down to the parent to decide what age is suitable, there is no magical age, just like with an NT child, you as the parent make the decision, dd would wait happily at home in her room with a phone, knows how to call me/999 etc, knows not to answer the door, it was a one off at the time as she was off school but my other children still needed to go to school and I had no one to watch her (single parent) so it was either keep all kids off or leave her at home. So I did what I thought was best because I’m damned if I do and damned if I don’t. Yes ss did follow it up with a phone call.

@QuinkWashable

I've done 8 for both of mine alone for the 10 minutes down the road and back type thing - and both of them, the first couple of times, chose to stay on the phone with me just in case they got worried, but now don't mind at all.

By 10, my eldest was happy for me to be away an hour (for example during lockdown when they did phased school return, I would take the youngest to school and leave him at home - again, on the phone the whole time the first little while)

at 7 and 10, and again in lockdown so not a lot of choice, I'd leave them together in the house for 40 minutes so I could go and do the food shop - I'd message them when I got there, when I was done etc. and they knew how to call me if they needed anything.

Of course there was choice during lockdown. You were allowed to take dependent children to shops. I did, I don't care what anyone said.

DS is nearly 9, I wouldn't feel comfortable leaving him yet.

This is interesting, currently debating whether I can leave DS(7) with DD(12) for a maximum of 10 mins to get a few bits from the shop approx 8 doors down if DH has to work late this evening. I know they'd be fine, it's just the whatifs. DD has her phone and DH is 20 mins away if anything happened. We've left DD for up to an hour before but never DS.

Surely it depends on the personality of the child and the way you've raised him/her.

When my DC was 7 there was a class parent who was a judge in the family courts, so I took my cue from that family and my DC was left for a few minutes while I went down the road, as was the other child. They also went alone to the postboxes down their respective roads at that age.

Most children locally take themselves to school within a couple of miles in year 6 and the rail stations in many cities are a mass of children from year 7 changing transport and taking themselves to secondary school unaccompanied.

I don't call the tendency among some parents to prevent their children getting used to being in, or out, alone for gradually increasing periods until their mid-teens 'progress' as a PP says. Quite the opposite.

I’ll happily leave my 7yr old to do a quick drop off of another child nearby but bring the 4 and 6 yr old with me. 9 yr old can stay half an hour to an hour alone. They are both very sensible and independent. I got a land line set up so they can call me or emergency services if ever needed. They both cook and make tea etc very competently but they are not allowed to do kitchen stuff when no adult is around.

How long is a piece of string? It depends on so, so, so much.

My local shop is literally at the end of my very small street and visible from my house. I can be there and back sometimes before anyone in my house knows I've gone.

But my kids are 7 and 9. Eldest has ASD and a meltdown if I put the trolley away in the supermarket without him. There's no chance of me leaving him home alone any time soon TBH.

Oh DS has chickenpox, normally I'd take him with me. Forgot that bit

These threads always worry me. All this talk of SS on 9/10/11+ year old kids fir such short periods of time.

Do people really have to live like this ? I have no choice but to leave my 15 year old in charge of my 11 year old for an hour or so between me having to leave for work and their dad getting home from work. She's been doing this about a year as that's when I split up with my ex.

I sometimes do really short shifts where I'm.only gone 2 or 3 hours. It would be such a faff to have to go drop them off and pick them.up from my parents house or organise a baby sitter which costs more per hour than I earn when they could just stay home and do homework/watch TV.

Dd2 starts secondary school in September. I'm hoping to re train or switch jobs which i won't be able to do if schools panic and report they are going home to an.empty house . When the walk to amd from.school ON THEIR OWN, adds up to longer than they'd be on their own at home

About 9 to go to the shop across the road. Literally, milk and bread, pay, then back home again.

On her own for lengthy periods well, 11, because both her dad and I can start work before 7am.

An evening, only a couple of months ago, and DH and I were home before 9pm.

Wow what a waste of SS’s time (whilst the serious abuse slips through the net).
Yr5/6 encouraged to walk home alone here. So how does that all add up?

Surely it’s pretty standard for children to be home alone for a few hours age 11+? Secondaries don’t have wraparound care, so unless there’s a SAH or WFH parent then it’s assumed that they’d get themselves home and sorted out.

@Swayingpalmtrees

Really can not stand the argument that you were left at 4 years old to fend for yourself and survived therefore leaving a 7 year old is totally fine. We live in a different world now, with more responsible parenting. There is such a thing as progress when it comes to parenting!!

Rubbish? I was left one at around 12 in tbr 80's fully responsible. The helicopter and silly parenting of today is probably leading to more violent teenagers and a much less steat wise attitude in others. It was not silly parenting and only on mumsnet can you find a comment like that.

Considering secondary school kids travel alone to school often on public transport I can’t see the issue with a few hours alone after school.

I don’t really understand the poster who never left her children. What even at 13/14/15?
Weren’t they out playing with friends etc?
Did she walk them to school at that age?

Hmm.

I would leave my 10.5 year old boy alone for up to an hour. I started leaving him alone for around 15 mins while I dropped his elder sister to the school bus at the age of 9.

He stays alone with his 12 nearly 13 year old sister for 2.5 hours in the early evening once night a week.

If she has an inset day I will leave her all day between school hours.

We don't leave them at night yet though, if we want to go out and may not be back till midnight, they go to stay with their grandma.

I guess that might change once they are 14 and 12, something like that.

There is a ridiculous amount

of helicopter parenting on here and it does not encourage independent thinking or a child that can look after themselves or knows how to act/cope in a variety of situations.