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Original poster

Hate getting home from work

122 replies

Fireworksatforty · 29/03/2022 16:26

Does anyone else hate it when they get in from work?

I'm lucky in many ways in that I finish at 4 and DH works from home so can pick up the kids from school. However ......

Each night it's the same. The kids have gone through the kitchen like locusts, DH thinks his work is done childcare wise and shuts himself in his office. Invariably has meetings ALWAYS from 4-5 or 6 so is on the phone when I get in when I'm faced with carnage and the kids running wild then I have to prep dinner, tidy the kitchen, whilst fielding the fucking door going for various reasons and DH wonders why I'm in a foul mood by dinner time and just want to go to bed for the rest of the evening.

I know I have a DH problem. I'm sick of it.

OP posts:
AuntTwacky · 30/03/2022 01:00

Won't the kids sit down and watch a bit of tv... my DH was never there when kids were young , at work 6am till 9pm

ReadyToMoveIt · 30/03/2022 07:30

@VampireMoney

Re finishing at 6.. I mean yeah maybe he has to work that late because he can't do meetings during the school run, or maybe he just finishes at 6 as standard. That's what time most people I know finish 🤷🏻‍♀️
Yeah, except the OP says he finishes at 5.
Longbin · 30/03/2022 07:48

When you are contracted to finish at 5 you often can’t just run off leaving unfinished work though. Considering he is managing childcare whilst working, I imagine he needs to make up the hours

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RedskyThisNight · 30/03/2022 07:56

Yeah, except the OP says he finishes at 5.

He probably could finish at 5 if he wasn't doing school drop off and school pick up during the working day as well.
If he's taking at least an hour (assume) out of his day to do these things then he needs to make the time up somewhere!

ReadyToMoveIt · 30/03/2022 08:05

@RedskyThisNight

Yeah, except the OP says he finishes at 5.

He probably could finish at 5 if he wasn't doing school drop off and school pick up during the working day as well.
If he's taking at least an hour (assume) out of his day to do these things then he needs to make the time up somewhere!

Yes I entirely agree, I said exactly the same upthread. I was just specifically responding to the poster who said maybe his working hours end at 6, as the OP said he is supposed to finish at 5. Of course if you’re taking time out of your day for the school run and childcare you will need to make up your hours.
TheWayTheLightFalls · 30/03/2022 08:16

Hmm. If DH is handling mornings and pickups then that would eat into his working day, surely?

How old are the kids? Can they be in front of the telly for a bit, or should they be with a minder?

Mine are still quite young so I'm not sure I'm the person to advise, but I'd be minded to simplify dinner (pre-make the evening before, use slow cooker or bung a ready lasagne in the oven) and (again, depends on age) explain to the kids what is / isn't acceptable to eat in the interim. A bowl of popcorn? Some fruit? Some toast/noodles, for hungry teens?

I do pickups and evenings with a four year old and baby twins. I wouldn't say I cover myself in glory most days, but it's manageable.

Skiptheheartsandflowers · 30/03/2022 09:32

It would really help to know the rough ages of the kids to see what's reasonable to expect. 5 and 7 would be quite different to 8 and 10.

Stayingstrongish · 30/03/2022 09:50

@TheWayTheLightFalls pickups and evenings with a four year old and baby twins! Now that’s a hard gig, much respect to you.

BogRollBOGOF · 30/03/2022 10:00

From OP's working hours I'd guess it's a case of waking early, plunging straight into getting out of the house and therefore it's like walking in at 7pm to be faced with a few more hours of caring/domestic life and no chance to unwind until it's virtually bedtime. Most people would get that little bit more time to unwind later in the evening.
Meanwhile DH has had a full working day and a fair dose of childcare/ school runs so feels that he's done his part and in walks OP from a change of scenery.

It sounds like both of you need to create little windows to get out of the house for a walk/ headspace. Is it viable to divert to a green space on the way home and have 15 minutes to unclench and change mental gear for getting home? Especially now evenings are lighter.

I agree that it's well worth reviewing childcare again. Homes as childcare and workplaces rarely mix well, especially below late juniors age. At 9&11 with school on the doorstep, it's only just really becoming a viable consideration for ours to walk home and settle in without disruption to a working parent.

With insatiable children. I found it easier to do an on-toast type of tea when they come in as that tides them over until our late dinner, and it's easier to spend 5-10 minutes doing that than deal with grazing.

SmellyOldOwls · 30/03/2022 10:31

@converseandjeans

cigarettes

He's being lazy & disrespectful by leaving all the childcare and house chores up to you

I think he's working though & has probably had to take an hour out to get them from school as it is. So I imagine he has to work til 6ish to make that time up.

I think it depends what he's like after 6pm. Obviously he needs to chip in with baths/reading etc..

Does he? So OP goes out to work at 6, gets home, complains about having to make dinner and look after the kids while her DH is trying to work. Meanwhile he's got the kids ready for school, done all school runs plus after school childcare whilst also working then when he finishes work he should also be doing bath and bedtime Hmm doesn't sound fair to me. Nobody wants to be working and especially joining meetings in the middle of a house full of shrieking kids.

SmellyOldOwls · 30/03/2022 10:35

'I think you need to have a talk with your DH and make him realise that you haven't had a break since 5.30 am. He should not be leaving the kitchen a mess for you if you are cooking dinner for example. And maybe he could do some dinner prep during the day?'

When he does get a break if he's running reports with one hand and making a shepherds pie with the other in between school runs Hmm

VampireMoney · 30/03/2022 11:27

Invariably has meetings ALWAYS from 4-5 or 6

@RedskyThisNight OP said this

VampireMoney · 30/03/2022 11:28

Sorry meant to tag @ReadyToMoveIt in that post, apologies @RedskyThisNight my brain is on a go slow today.

ReadyToMoveIt · 30/03/2022 11:36

@VampireMoney

Invariably has meetings ALWAYS from 4-5 or 6

@RedskyThisNight OP said this

Yes she did. She also said his official working hours end at 5. So the likelihood is that he’s having to work later than 5 because he’s taking time out of his day for school runs and childcare. My core hours are 9-5. I don’t think I’ve ever finished work earlier than 5.30, and it’s usually later, for various reasons. Doesn’t change my contracted hours though.
Original poster
Fireworksatforty · 07/04/2022 16:29

Just an update on this. I did my first proper work from home today whilst DH is in London and have to say I did feel the stress of performing at work whilst also dropping off and picking up the kids so I'm totally not blaming DH although I really do feel we need to revisit after school childcare particularly as I'm going for promotion which means more hours as well as more money. It's just so hard to differentiate between home and work life when Wfh.

OP posts:
LittleMy77 · 07/04/2022 18:19

@Fireworksatforty

Just an update on this. I did my first proper work from home today whilst DH is in London and have to say I did feel the stress of performing at work whilst also dropping off and picking up the kids so I'm totally not blaming DH although I really do feel we need to revisit after school childcare particularly as I'm going for promotion which means more hours as well as more money. It's just so hard to differentiate between home and work life when Wfh.
Tricks I’ve found that help differentiate when wfh
  • get a dedicated working space (not kitchen table etc) so you can shut yourself away
  • schedule your day around what’s going on at home. I log on early in the morning when breakfast is done (7.30 ish) so I can power up my pc, logon and scan / delete emails and view my days meetings.
  • I do school drop off after this; when I get home, I take 15 mins to gather my self. / get a coffee / a quick walk round the block to get my head in work mode
  • if I’m doing pick up and still working and dh isn’t at home, I purposefully don’t schedule meetings for that hour. Allows for pick up, get home, throw a snack, and then kids can play / watch tv and I do some more work
  • if you’re on dinner making duty, do something easy you can throw in slow cooker at lunchtime
  • set aside a specific amount to time for home based tasks if needed - i.e. laundry, so it doesn’t eat into the work day
RandomMess · 07/04/2022 19:12

What time does your DH get up and start "working" I wondered what he was doing between 5.30-7.30am? I mean he could clean, tidy, prep dinner before getting the DC up?

Saltyquiche · 07/04/2022 19:16

In your shoes I’d work till 6pm and then down tools, letting DH finish off.

Saltyquiche · 07/04/2022 19:18

After school childcare sound most ideal, then splitting the evening tasks fairly

BeautifulDragon · 07/04/2022 19:48

I would use breakfast and after-school club, if possible!

DH drops kids off at 7.30 & then has time to tidy/ meal prep before work.
When you get home at 4 and you then have a bit of time to decompress/ finish dinner/ do some housework. Then either of you can collect the kids about 5, straight in and eat their dinner with no cupboard raiding!

Even if you only did it a few days a week it would take the pressure off a bit.

User48751490 · 07/04/2022 19:56

What's to stop your DH from changing his working hours? Can he not work 7.30 til 3pm for example? Or can you not adjust your own working hours?

Loopytiles · 07/04/2022 19:58

Is the main problem the cooking? Do you do that every weeknight?

I do and dislike it v much!

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