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Original poster

Hate getting home from work

122 replies

Fireworksatforty · 29/03/2022 16:26

Does anyone else hate it when they get in from work?

I'm lucky in many ways in that I finish at 4 and DH works from home so can pick up the kids from school. However ......

Each night it's the same. The kids have gone through the kitchen like locusts, DH thinks his work is done childcare wise and shuts himself in his office. Invariably has meetings ALWAYS from 4-5 or 6 so is on the phone when I get in when I'm faced with carnage and the kids running wild then I have to prep dinner, tidy the kitchen, whilst fielding the fucking door going for various reasons and DH wonders why I'm in a foul mood by dinner time and just want to go to bed for the rest of the evening.

I know I have a DH problem. I'm sick of it.

OP posts:
Luhou · 29/03/2022 19:02

I think being organised would hopefully help here. I know it's easier said than done.

Get dinner prepared and ready to shove in the oven or do an easy tea some nights. And do the kids a little snack box. Tell DH to unload dishwasher in his lunch break so it's just ready to load and go on.

cigarettesNalcohol · 29/03/2022 19:02

@converseandjeans - our posts just crossed, see mine below. Smile

Understand he has to catch up after taking time out to collect kids but nonetheless op is posting because she feels she isn't getting the support I guess... she shouldn't be left running around until past 8.30

VampireMoney · 29/03/2022 19:03

Sounds like a normal home. And no I don't think you have a DH problem.

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Beanie567 · 29/03/2022 19:03

Don’t go straight home from work once a week. Cafe or just sit in your car with a book. Get home an hour later with a white lie about work running over or traffic. That one hour to yourself will make a difference.

VampireMoney · 29/03/2022 19:05

@Beanie567

Don’t go straight home from work once a week. Cafe or just sit in your car with a book. Get home an hour later with a white lie about work running over or traffic. That one hour to yourself will make a difference.
So how is her DH supposed to carry on working til 5 (which he has to do) and look after the kids? It sounds to me like he does his fair share already if he's doing morning routine, all drop offs and pick ups and dealing with them directly after school before OP gets home!
oakleaffy · 29/03/2022 19:09

Don’t answer your door unless expecting someone.
Locks on cupboards where the “ Ready edibles “ are?
Mum used to threaten us with locks on the cupboards but never actually followed through.
Kids do get very hungry.

Bananas?
Sandwiches
Good standbys.

ChoiceMummy · 29/03/2022 19:09

@converseandjeans

cigarettes

He's being lazy & disrespectful by leaving all the childcare and house chores up to you

I think he's working though & has probably had to take an hour out to get them from school as it is. So I imagine he has to work til 6ish to make that time up.

I think it depends what he's like after 6pm. Obviously he needs to chip in with baths/reading etc..

Does he need to when he does all of the breakfast, dressing for school, school prep and getting to and from school?

I'd say that bedtime should be the mother's responsibility tbh.

RedskyThisNight · 29/03/2022 19:11

@Beanie567

Don’t go straight home from work once a week. Cafe or just sit in your car with a book. Get home an hour later with a white lie about work running over or traffic. That one hour to yourself will make a difference.
If this as a DH deliberately being late home so he could avoid childcare duties, no one would be saying he was sensible to take the time to himself. We'd be at LTB by the time posts got to double figures.

It sounds like OP is out the house from (roughly) 6am-4.30pm, which means she avoids any house/child stuff before she gets home, unless she has a very early riser. Then she has to make dinner, and sort children and miscellaneous stuff until they are in bed at 7.30/8.

Meanwhile DH is sorting the children before school, taking them to school, doing his job, taking time to pick the children up from school, then going back to work. And because of the time he's taken to do child stuff - this will be later than usual hours. As long as he is sharing the load once he's finished his paid job, then his life is no easier than OP's.

Intorainbowvalley · 29/03/2022 19:13

I hear you OP and it’s absolutely miserable.

Isobelslider · 29/03/2022 19:14

I'm not seeing the issue TBH. We have a similar set up. I pick the kids up from school. Leave them some snacks and drinks out, they play Nintendo and I go back to work. DH comes home and gets a shower, potters about and makes tea.

There is no carnage.

WeAllHaveWings · 29/03/2022 19:17

I hide in my home office at least 2-3 times a week so dh starts dinner!

But I do empty/load the dishwasher at speed while I am waiting for my lunch to warm/toaster to popup so the kitchen is clear for dinner time later.

Tidy (you and dh!) the kitchen the night before, instruct the kids what they are allowed to eat and insist everyone clears up after themselves as they go along so there isn't a mess when you get in. Tell the kids to get their homework/reading done/go to their rooms while you make dinner.

This is totally within your power to change.

Surely your front door cant be going that often during making dinner? Put a sign up saying no cold callers, if they do call just say sorry busy and shut the door in their face.

RedskyThisNight · 29/03/2022 19:18

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz

I don't understand what the dh is doing wrong here? He collects the dc and then has to work. The dc are either old enough to play/relax unsupervised in which case you need to speak to them about what they do with that time, or they need supervision which means you and dh need to arrange after school childcare.
Absolutely this. I think this is the downside of wfh but still having school age children about once they've finished school. You have to decide if saving money on childcare is worth "sorting out the carnage" at the end of the day.
Original poster
Fireworksatforty · 29/03/2022 19:27

Sorry I went awol.
Will read through properly and can understand many points.
Massive drip feed which I forgot to mention is I have ADHD so do tend to feel somewhat overwhelmed more easily than perhaps a a neurotypical person might.

OP posts:
Threeboysandadog · 29/03/2022 19:27

Prep some meals at the weekend. Stew and vegetables that can be popped in the slow cooker and serve with crusty bread etc. speed up dinner by using the prebaked potatoes to go with chilli/cheese/tuna and salad. Make lasagne, cottage pie, fajitas etc at the weekend and freeze (or cheat and buy the family lasagne from Lidl or Iceland) serve with frozen veg. Do easy meals some nights ie. eggs/beans on toast, filled baguettes, pasta, soups. Can you tell that I hate cooking!

Put the kids in after school club and collect them at 5.30/6 once their dinner is ready.

Threeboysandadog · 29/03/2022 19:29

Ahh! Cross posted. I also have ADHD as do two of my children. I completely get the “overwhelmed” bit.

balalake · 29/03/2022 19:32

I would not want to work with DH, if he is always having meetings at 4pm he must be a bad planner or doing this deliberately. Even though he is collecting children from school earlier.

gogohm · 29/03/2022 19:35

Seems very normal to me except I collected the kids on the way home, one of my dc is autistic so would melt down on entering the way in and my exh didn't get home until 7pm.

Itstheprinciple · 29/03/2022 19:39

DH does mornings plus pick up, you do dinner time. Seems fair to me. If you cook dinner, leave the kitchen clear up for DH to do. That's what I've just done. DH doesn't always do it immediately after eating but if I've cooked it's his job and up to him if he does it at 6pm or 9pm. I'm in the bath no, no need for stress.

poppymaewrite · 29/03/2022 19:45

Can’t DH make dinner after 5 when meetings are done?

Wellthisiscrapeh · 29/03/2022 19:45

That was my fucking life when I worked at a school. I was out at 7:30 am and in at 4.

Dh worked from home so picked the kids up. Then went back to work until 5:30.

I walked in the door at 4pm and didn’t sit down until 9pm.

He took the kids to school and I got the holidays off. So on paper it was fair. But day to day it was hard. And I hated my job so much that it made me depressed so that didn’t help.

SilverGlitterBaubles · 29/03/2022 19:46

I think it is difficult all around and something many of us have to battle with. It sounds like your DH possibly has to work a bit extra to make up for having taken some time with DCs before you get back. If he was not WFH he would probably be back later if commuting so you would have to make other arrangements. Juggling working and young children is never easy that's a given but perhaps you need to sit down with your DH and make some better arrangements so you are not feeling the burden every day.

Intorainbowvalley · 29/03/2022 19:46

@Wellthisiscrapeh

That was my fucking life when I worked at a school. I was out at 7:30 am and in at 4.

Dh worked from home so picked the kids up. Then went back to work until 5:30.

I walked in the door at 4pm and didn’t sit down until 9pm.

He took the kids to school and I got the holidays off. So on paper it was fair. But day to day it was hard. And I hated my job so much that it made me depressed so that didn’t help.

Hello, twin of mine.
Wellthisiscrapeh · 29/03/2022 19:50

@Intorainbowvalley a hunger games style salute to you.

VampireMoney · 29/03/2022 19:52

Just saw your update, I have ADHD too. It's hard when you get overwhelmed so I get that. I'm also a single parent through, I've had to come to terms with the fact that some days I'll get overwhelmed and it's just part of parenting.

By the sound of it your DH does plenty, maybe better plans around meal times? You don't say how old your DC are, but could you ask yourself a few questions like .. could we have dinner slightly later to give myself time to breathe? Do they need a bath every night? What could I make in advance and freeze for an easy meal? That kind of thing. That might take the strain off a bit?

Mumoftwoinprimary · 29/03/2022 19:54

The problem you have is that you are not paying for any childcare which means that your children are only being cared for outside the home for 6ish hours per day.

But you both work full time so that isn’t enough hours.

You end up with you having to start work really early, your Dh having to deal with the morning carnage on his own, your husband having to interrupt his working day to pick the kids up which then means that he always has meetings later on (as presumably he can’t between 2:30pm and 4pm) and then you are dealing with the evening carnage alone.

A couple of hours of after school club a couple of times a week would probably save everyone’s sanity!