Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Hate getting home from work

122 replies

Fireworksatforty · 29/03/2022 16:26

Does anyone else hate it when they get in from work?

I'm lucky in many ways in that I finish at 4 and DH works from home so can pick up the kids from school. However ......

Each night it's the same. The kids have gone through the kitchen like locusts, DH thinks his work is done childcare wise and shuts himself in his office. Invariably has meetings ALWAYS from 4-5 or 6 so is on the phone when I get in when I'm faced with carnage and the kids running wild then I have to prep dinner, tidy the kitchen, whilst fielding the fucking door going for various reasons and DH wonders why I'm in a foul mood by dinner time and just want to go to bed for the rest of the evening.

I know I have a DH problem. I'm sick of it.

OP posts:
ReadyToMoveIt · 29/03/2022 18:19

If your DH is taking time out to pick them up from school then it’s inevitable really that he’s going to have to work once you get home.
That doesn’t mean he should be leaving the kitchen in a tip though… if he’s using it throughout the day then he should be cleaning up after himself.
Sounds like after school club would be useful for you both.

Clusterduck · 29/03/2022 18:23

I disagree with others on here. The OP needs to split dinner duties with husband. It does seem to be men who are very good at shutting themselves in the spare room (immediately commandeering this at the start of the pandemic as their office) while women were forced to juggle, using the kitchen table while overseeing so-called home schooling, often at the cost of their careers. (Sorry if I’m projecting a bit here!! It happened to other friends too though). We need to take a leaf out of the male playbook. I’m starting by creating WhatsApp groups roping in my DH for play dates/ tutors/ after school activities and ensuring he is on every class WhatsApp group. Yes OP it’s bloody tiring coming in from work. Just because it’s normal drudgery doesn’t make it any less annoying. I agree that you need to ‘work late’ some evenings even if that means a catch up drink with colleagues or friends.

ChoiceMummy · 29/03/2022 18:27

@fairylightsandwaxmelts

Well, if DH is working he can't be expected to do childcare at the same time. He might physically be home but he's still got to work - so I don't see why he's the problem?

Can you not just do the basics until he's finished and then you split everything else between you?

I agree with this.

If they're hungry, why not be organised and have a snack pack prepared for them, so they only eat what's in it. And have rules about the children's conduct? They're the ones taking the piss tbh.

I wfh and my child would never behave in this way. They just need boundaries.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
ReadyToMoveIt · 29/03/2022 18:28

@Clusterduck

I disagree with others on here. The OP needs to split dinner duties with husband. It does seem to be men who are very good at shutting themselves in the spare room (immediately commandeering this at the start of the pandemic as their office) while women were forced to juggle, using the kitchen table while overseeing so-called home schooling, often at the cost of their careers. (Sorry if I’m projecting a bit here!! It happened to other friends too though). We need to take a leaf out of the male playbook. I’m starting by creating WhatsApp groups roping in my DH for play dates/ tutors/ after school activities and ensuring he is on every class WhatsApp group. Yes OP it’s bloody tiring coming in from work. Just because it’s normal drudgery doesn’t make it any less annoying. I agree that you need to ‘work late’ some evenings even if that means a catch up drink with colleagues or friends.
If he’s taking time out of his working day to pick the kids up from school then surely he needs to make that time up when the OP is home?
Disneyblueeyes · 29/03/2022 18:33

[quote Fireworksatforty]@Habitatty282 you are absolutely right. I'm just having a tantrum. To be fair DH is supposed to be working until 5 so his meetings aren't unreasonable I just feel like I walk in from work straight into a mad house and barely get to draw breath until gone 7-8pm when I'm up at 5.30 and in work by 6.30am. [/quote]
Sounds pretty normal to be fair for a lot of families.

Deadringer · 29/03/2022 18:34

6.30 to 4 sounds like a long day to me. When you get home, sit down and have a cup of tea, then when dh finishes work do the tidying/cooking together.

bumblingbovine49 · 29/03/2022 18:36

The problem you have is you are picking up the children too early. If they went to after school club until 5pm, you could get some stuff done at home, pick up the children and get back to your husband having finished work. If you insist on picking up your children at 3pm but your DH has to work til 5pm and you don't get home until 4pm,.you are bound to not be able to manage .

If your. DH didn't work from home, you would probably pick up the children from childcare with them having had a snack and
get back around 5/5.30pm. Your DH would arrive home at 6pm to 6.30pm ready to help out . As it is he has to have meetings to make up for the 2.30pm to 4pm break he takes for childcare

Goldbar · 29/03/2022 18:38

How old are your kids? In your shoes, I wouldn't be cooking dinner everyday. I'd cook maybe one night a week, and then batch cook at the weekends and serve leftovers 2 nights a week and beige oven food the rest of the time. And beans on toast if I really couldn't be bothered. I'd also look at booking DC into after-school club a couple of nights a week.

I think it's reasonable that your DH has to work after you get home if he's taking time out to do school pick-up. It's not reasonable if that means you always have to cook and do bath/bedtime. If you can put the kids in wraparound 1-2 days a week, could your DH finish earlier on those days and do the dinner/bed/bath routine?

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 29/03/2022 18:39

I don't understand what the dh is doing wrong here? He collects the dc and then has to work. The dc are either old enough to play/relax unsupervised in which case you need to speak to them about what they do with that time, or they need supervision which means you and dh need to arrange after school childcare.

ReadyToMoveIt · 29/03/2022 18:40

@bumblingbovine49

The problem you have is you are picking up the children too early. If they went to after school club until 5pm, you could get some stuff done at home, pick up the children and get back to your husband having finished work. If you insist on picking up your children at 3pm but your DH has to work til 5pm and you don't get home until 4pm,.you are bound to not be able to manage .

If your. DH didn't work from home, you would probably pick up the children from childcare with them having had a snack and
get back around 5/5.30pm. Your DH would arrive home at 6pm to 6.30pm ready to help out . As it is he has to have meetings to make up for the 2.30pm to 4pm break he takes for childcare

Exactly this. Your DH is trying to juggle pick ups and childcare with working, which means he inevitably has to work later. You are then coming home and picking up the slack. You need childcare in place for your working hours (and his).
ReadyToMoveIt · 29/03/2022 18:41

My DH works from home while I’m out of the house but we still pay for childcare until 5pm as he’s working, therefore unable to look after the children.

LowlandLucky · 29/03/2022 18:44

Normal life for every family home. Home time tell bedtime is the busiest time of the day.

PinkSyCo · 29/03/2022 18:46

That’s what family life is like for most working mothers isn’t it? I take it your DH mucks in with cleaning up the kitchen and getting the kids to bed in the evening does he?

converseandjeans · 29/03/2022 18:47

It sounds like DH gets them up and ready and dropped off at school and then picks them up while he's technically supposed to be working. He then has them for an hour while he's working.

You need to sort out after school club so he can concentrate on his work instead of picking the children up and trying to juggle both until you get home. I imagine he feels the same way. if he was office based then you would swing by to pick them up around 4.30 and they would have had a snack at after school club. Could you put them in after school club say 2 days a week?

I imagine DH has to schedule meetings that way if he's unavailable say 2.30-4pm.

HereLiveIAmNotACat · 29/03/2022 18:50

I don’t see the issue with the logistics of these arrangements. I think the issue is your attitude. You acknowledge you are lucky you don’t have to do the afternoon school run, which lets face it is the most ‘annoying’ task. Put some music on in the kitchen, get the kids involved in cooking dinner, if you go at something with a good attitude it makes it far more enjoyable.
Plenty would love to be in your position

ilovebagpuss · 29/03/2022 18:50

Yes its just a hard few hours when they are young. I used to finish work pick up my 2 and then it was flat out until about 6ish. It's especially hard walking into that as you dont get a chance to have a cuppa or decompress.
Lots of good ideas mentioned but maybe when DH finishes work he could then do any bath bedtime? We used to take it in turns so on those evenings the off duty one would say goodnight and could go out or have the hour or so to themselves.
You need a few days where you get some time.
When they get to secondary apart from feeding you do get a lot of evening back.

FourChimneys · 29/03/2022 18:51

The DC need to know they can't rampage through the kitchen. I picked mine up, got home, straight upstairs to change out of uniform then a snack at the table, which had been planned beforehand. No random grazing or grabbing.

The time between school and bed is always busy when they are small though.

Sidisawetlettuce · 29/03/2022 18:53

Fielding the door? Confused

UnshakenNeedsStirring · 29/03/2022 18:53

If ou leave for work at 6:30 then your DH is making breakfast an taking kids to school and picking them up
He is meant to work till5 pm so hes doing just that
Where is the SH problem? You have a problem

cigarettesNalcohol · 29/03/2022 18:53

Like you said, you have a DH problem and nothing will change unless he truly helps with the kids after school/evenings. You know he's using work meetings as a cop out; you need to have a frank conversation with him and set out your expectations and specify what needs to change. Come up with a practical plan that you can both stick too. A routine essentially. He's being lazy & disrespectful by leaving all the childcare and house chores up to you. Totally unacceptable!

converseandjeans · 29/03/2022 18:57

Agree with fourchimneys

The DC need to know they can't rampage through the kitchen

It's an extra job but could they have a designated snack box with carton of juice & bag of crisps or popcorn or something & show them how to turn TV on.

cigarettesNalcohol · 29/03/2022 18:58

[quote Fireworksatforty]@Habitatty282 you are absolutely right. I'm just having a tantrum. To be fair DH is supposed to be working until 5 so his meetings aren't unreasonable I just feel like I walk in from work straight into a mad house and barely get to draw breath until gone 7-8pm when I'm up at 5.30 and in work by 6.30am. [/quote]
Working from home until 5 is not an excuse. You aren't just having a tantrum. You're fed up. My husband works from home until 6pm and I'm a SAHM yet he is downstairs with the baby and preschooler helping out whenever he has a free moment. Sometimes he has meetings or is very busy and will be stuck to the desk until 6 but when he isn't I can always count on him to be helping out with tea, stories, tidying up kitchen/toys and prepping eldest for bed (often from 5 to 7 it's full on for me with the baby wanting lots of feeds etc.) I can fully rely on him to make sure eldest is washed, read to, fed etc. Plus he makes our dinner when kids in bed. When he's working, he's working - and that's fair game. Otherwise, it's downstairs and helping out. I don't have to ask/direct or nag.

Sorry but your husband isn't pulling his weight by the sounds of it.

converseandjeans · 29/03/2022 18:59

cigarettes

He's being lazy & disrespectful by leaving all the childcare and house chores up to you

I think he's working though & has probably had to take an hour out to get them from school as it is. So I imagine he has to work til 6ish to make that time up.

I think it depends what he's like after 6pm. Obviously he needs to chip in with baths/reading etc..

Ohsugarhoneyicetea · 29/03/2022 19:01

Change your working hours if you can, don't get in before 6pm and maybe get Fridays off instead? You 'd'h sounds like a total piss taker.

RedskyThisNight · 29/03/2022 19:01

@cigarettesNalcohol

Like you said, you have a DH problem and nothing will change unless he truly helps with the kids after school/evenings. You know he's using work meetings as a cop out; you need to have a frank conversation with him and set out your expectations and specify what needs to change. Come up with a practical plan that you can both stick too. A routine essentially. He's being lazy & disrespectful by leaving all the childcare and house chores up to you. Totally unacceptable!
working during working hours is hardly a cop out.

The issue here is that OP and her DH have decided not to bother with after school childcare - presumably to save money.
That means the DC are left to their own devices.

Not sure how DH is leaving all the childcare/house stuff to OP when he sorts the morning routine every day while she is at work. Is she also using work as a cop out?

Swipe left for the next trending thread