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Original poster

Hate getting home from work

122 replies

Fireworksatforty · 29/03/2022 16:26

Does anyone else hate it when they get in from work?

I'm lucky in many ways in that I finish at 4 and DH works from home so can pick up the kids from school. However ......

Each night it's the same. The kids have gone through the kitchen like locusts, DH thinks his work is done childcare wise and shuts himself in his office. Invariably has meetings ALWAYS from 4-5 or 6 so is on the phone when I get in when I'm faced with carnage and the kids running wild then I have to prep dinner, tidy the kitchen, whilst fielding the fucking door going for various reasons and DH wonders why I'm in a foul mood by dinner time and just want to go to bed for the rest of the evening.

I know I have a DH problem. I'm sick of it.

OP posts:

Original poster

Fireworksatforty · 29/03/2022 19:56

I think I was being a bit unfair on DH. The Wfh thing is hard as it blurs the lines between work and home so much I find it difficult to see him sat there reading an email while I'm bending over backwards to do all that's expected of me when I get home. Like a pp I also hate my job so am already fed up when I get in (doing my best to change that).

Tonight what set it off was, as I walked in he was on the phone to his mate/colleague discussing which hotel they are going to stay in next week for a conference dependant upon which had the best breakfast. Meanwhile the kids were running feral. It's DHs idea not to put them into after school club to save money. I've mentioned it a few times.

I need to prep better and be more organised. I'm just exhausted at the moment. Also sorry for further drip feed. DH does work away a couple of times a month so gets regular nights/days away with no childcare at all.

Just saw red this evening. We do discuss it and generally things are fairly evenly distributed I just hate that time of day and feel like walking straight back out again.

OP posts:

Itstheprinciple · 29/03/2022 20:04

I agree with you about the blurred lines OP. If DH was in the office, he would be having that exact conversation with his colleague about hotel breakfasts while you made the tea at home. The difference is, you wouldn't know about it and then he would have a commute on top. It's the fact he's in the house you feel like he should be more present. On days he finishes at 5 rather than 6, he can cook and then you clean up later so you have chance to have a brew snd a breather when you get in. On days when he has a meeting until 6, you get the dinner sorted and he cleans up later. You do have to accept that he is working during the times he is though.

Intorainbowvalley · 29/03/2022 20:08

When my DH is there, but not there, it makes me furious. I’m a much better parent when he’s either present or not. Can’t be doing with him being present but invisible so to speak.

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Families

RedskyThisNight · 29/03/2022 20:12

@balalake

I would not want to work with DH, if he is always having meetings at 4pm he must be a bad planner or doing this deliberately. Even though he is collecting children from school earlier.

I don't get any say over when the majority of my meetings are. They get put where the attendees have space. Which, as we now have to pretty much write off 8.30-9.30 and 2.30-3.30 as possible time slots, due to so many people on the school run, means that 4-5 meetings are very fair game. Even if he wasn't in a meeting he is till meant to be working - not looking after children and doing the housework!

2MinuteRice · 29/03/2022 20:15

I work from home until 5pm and DW usually gets home between 5-6pm depending on the day as she has to commute quite far.

We have a childminder who drops the children off about 4pm.

When she gets home I've fed the kids, they have changed, completed homework they can do themselves and made their lunches for the next day.

DW and I then usually share pick up/drop offs to clubs/tuition etc and share homework they need help with.

We have one primary and one secondary child still living at home.

We have a timetable and schedule on the wall. It has child's name and what they need to take each day eg PE Kit.
The schedule says what they do when they get home so get changed, make lunch for next day etc.
The timetable also says what is for lunch and dinner each day so there is no complaining.
We meal plan for lunch and dinners on Sat morning including the kids so we know we all have everything we need.

I make easy dinners on busy work days and prep more complicated stuff during my lunch break. It's also when I hang the washing out that I put on before I started work.

DW will also do a load of washing in the evening and the children empty the dishwasher.

DW also does the majority of the housework as she enjoys it more

I'll wipe over bathrooms and kitchen as I go during the week.

Now I've written it down it sounds like a military operation but it doesn't feel that way.

We work on the basis that we are all busy for the majority of the day and doing our own part at home means that we all have more free time.

Both the girls also make their own (different) dinner once a week. Eldest's is long and prolonged. Little one has support but can do most of it herself.

Also one night is 'freezer' tea which they put on trays and in the oven and one is pizza.

It's whatever works for you and your family and reduces stress.

It took us a while to get into a routine but it has stopped a lot of the stress between all of us because we all know what is going on.

ReadyToMoveIt · 29/03/2022 20:24

@balalake

I would not want to work with DH, if he is always having meetings at 4pm he must be a bad planner or doing this deliberately. Even though he is collecting children from school earlier.

4pm is a perfectly normal time to have a meeting… it’s within working hours. Now so many people are using working from home as an opportunity to do the school run to save money, I have to schedule lots of meetings at 4pm as it’s a slot when other people are available. 2-4 is pretty much a write off at the moment due to people doing the school run in work time.

duckme · 29/03/2022 20:25

I know you didn't ask but, you are not being unreasonable! I've often said the most stressful part of my day is the first hour in the house after work. It's bloody hard work. I rely on a glass of something whilst making tea/washing/ironing......

TheCatterall · 29/03/2022 20:26

Is the money saved on no after school care worth the stress you are feeling?

I’d budget for what it would mean financially and how you can make it work. Then look at how that time and calm would make you feel. What could you do in that time. How would it make life different. How would it work day to day for you/DH and the children?

What positive impact (and any negatives) would it have on your life?

Coconut80 · 29/03/2022 20:34

I always found the transition from a busy days work to collecting the kids. You are exhausted and in work mode then you are assaulted by demanding kids and you have to switch to mum mode. You start work early and I would be tired. Can you do something after work to decompress before switching to mum. If your dh does the pick up id negotiate time for a walk or a swim before home then you might be able to tolerate it better. Not easy and I never found the solution xx

Aimee1987 · 29/03/2022 20:41

Ibwpuld revisit afterschool club
Explain to your husband that your overwhelmed and cant handle it.
You could land somewhere in the middle that they go say 2-3 days a week which would give you a bit of a break

converseandjeans · 29/03/2022 20:57

fireworks

Massive drip feed which I forgot to mention is I have ADHD so do tend to feel somewhat overwhelmed more easily than perhaps a a neurotypical person might.

I think you need a break & as you start so early it's not surprising you're knackered.

If DH works away then I do honestly think you need to have after school club a couple of days. You could fit in some shopping or nip home for half hour headspace before collecting DC around 5.

Unless you're on a really low income it's madness to be chasing about like this.

DH could collect at 5 while you get other stuff out the way.

Summerfun54321 · 29/03/2022 21:13

Your problem is 2 full time working parents and no after school care. There aren’t enough hours in the day for both of you to work full time if the children do school hours only and can’t cook their own meals yet.

worriedatthistime · 29/03/2022 21:23

@cigarettesNalcohol how is he using meetings as a cop out if he has to work until 5 pm
Then he also leaves to get the dc so maybe has to make the time up which may take him up to 5.30- 6pm

worriedatthistime · 29/03/2022 21:27

@balalake well he can't do them at 3pm as hes picking kids up
If hes supposed to work until at least 5 pm whats the issue with a 4pm meeting its in work time
Maybe he doesn't even get to decide the meeting times

VampireMoney · 29/03/2022 21:28

DH could collect at 5 while you get other stuff out the way.

OP said he has meetings up until about 6, so she'd be the one having to run out to pick them up if they were in after school club.

ReadyToMoveIt · 29/03/2022 21:35

OP said he has meetings up until about 6, so she'd be the one having to run out to pick them up if they were in after school club

If he wasn’t taking an hour out of his day at 2.30pm- 3.30pm ish for school pick up, he probably wouldn’t need to work until 6pm.

VampireMoney · 29/03/2022 21:46

@ReadyToMoveIt

OP said he has meetings up until about 6, so she'd be the one having to run out to pick them up if they were in after school club

If he wasn’t taking an hour out of his day at 2.30pm- 3.30pm ish for school pick up, he probably wouldn’t need to work until 6pm.

I don't know about the meetings you have, but I have to have mine when they're scheduled not when I choose.

ReadyToMoveIt · 29/03/2022 21:50

I don't know about the meetings you have, but I have to have mine when they're scheduled not when I choose

I schedule a lot of meetings. I try to keep within 9-5, but if some of the participants have blocked out 2.30-3.30 to do the school run then I may have to schedule for 5-6 (for example) as that’s when everyone is free.

converseandjeans · 29/03/2022 21:58

vampire

OP said he has meetings up until about 6, so she'd be the one having to run out to pick them up if they were in after school club.

Yes but takes an hour out of his afternoon to collect from school. Presumably he could work during that time if children stayed for after school club & could then finish earlier.

If must be annoying to not be able to schedule meetings 2.30-3.30. That's right in the middle of the afternoon 🤷🏻‍♀️

Shinyandnew1 · 29/03/2022 22:04

I’m not quite sure why this is a really DH problem-if he’s still working till 5.30/6, he’s still working. It’s good he can collect the kids as he’s WFH-it would probably be more stressful if he was 20 miles away in an office. I don’t get what he’s doing wrong.

What happens in the morning when you’re gone? Who gets the kids ready and takes them to school?

Taswama · 29/03/2022 22:16

I think no after school care is a false economy. If you had it even 2 days per week, eg Tuesday and Thursday, you could stay at work a bit later and pick them up on the way home, or DH could pick them up at 6 and you could have tea cooked in peace. They would have had a snack at club so not starving when they get in.

shrunkenhead · 29/03/2022 22:18

Why are you constantly answering the door every evening???

VampireMoney · 29/03/2022 22:59

Re finishing at 6.. I mean yeah maybe he has to work that late because he can't do meetings during the school run, or maybe he just finishes at 6 as standard. That's what time most people I know finish 🤷🏻‍♀️

Margaretmatcher · 29/03/2022 23:35

Who looks after your children when you leave at 6 to start work is it the child fairy? Maybe you could ask the child fairy to look after your kids when you get in. Just a thought or does your husband do the child care when you go to work so he has a full on day as well

Merlott · 30/03/2022 00:49

The cost benefit ratio is unfavourable on not bothering with wrap around childcare surely?!

You work and earn a wage same as DH so why does he get to decide to "save money"? It's your money too and your sanity.

Risk and impact assessment needed on the wrap around childcare, maybe a business case LOL

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