When did it become socially acceptable to have a baby without being married?

[Lambsandchicks]

1990s? Or before that? Any history/sociology experts around?

Being a single mum was very much demonised by the Labour Party in the 90s. But probably different if women were in a stable relationship but unmarried.

It was demonised by the Conservatives. Not by Labour!

@ArseInTheCoOpWindow

It was demonised by the Conservatives. Not by Labour!

Yes.

@miltonj

Being a single mum was very much demonised by the Labour Party in the 90s. But probably different if women were in a stable relationship but unmarried.

You have your parties mixed up

A girl in my sister's class (born 1986) had parents who were together but not married. One of our neighbours was a single mum with no dad on the scene. 2 girls on my class had divorced parents. It was unusual where I lived and everyone knew the families that were 'unconvential' then. This was late 80s, early 90s in a rural-ish location.

I wasn't married when I had my kids in 2014 onwards but had been with my now husband for 10 years and was early 30s. Everyone we told was surprised by the news in contrast to newly married friends who are 'suspected' every 5 minutes post wedding! Don't think it was frowned upon though.

i remember doing a pastoral placement in a hospital in birmingham in 1983, basically visiting the patients and helping them.
one young woman was shewing me pictures of her wedding and she giggled that she looked a bit fat in the photo.
i didn't get what she meant, but i just smiled. then she said about shewing, and a number of months. this was a church wedding.
gradually i realised that she meant that she was already expecting, and i was rather surprised, more at her giggling about it, seemingly unabashed.
i note this to shew attitudes at the time. i was from london.
a few years later, at work, a colleague asked if i had any nephews/nieces. i laughed and said, no, my brothers are not even married. she looked a bit puzzled and said, but you don't have to be married to have children.
and then i felt embarrassed, and wondered if that was the case in her family; i quickly agreed with her and changed the subject.
in my next work place many people were living together, having children, but without actually being married. i assumed it was an inner city thing. but they were as good as married in my eyes; they lived together. how would anyone know unless they mentioned it.

also remember in some circles it is still not really acceptable.
i met some chinese students who were shocked to discover fellow students who were single mothers.
and i notice how the phrase used now is single parent; but it is nearly always a single mother who is bringing up the child, unless there has been a tragedy.
perhaps there was some stigma associated with the term single mother, so that is why it is now called single parent.
also there is a class distinction. middle class people more often prefer to be married before having children. they see it as more important.

Although we were married before DT’s were born 22 years ago, I didn’t change my surname, I don’t wear a wedding or engagement ring and never introduce myself as “Mrs” - I have no idea whether people think I’m an unmarried mother - I don’t think it matters.

@ArseInTheCoOpWindow

It was demonised by the Conservatives. Not by Labour!

Was it? Then why was cutting single parents’ benefits the very first thing Blair’s government did in 1997? My disgust at that was almost as deep as my joy when they were elected.

@Gardeningcreature

My mil told me her doctor would only prescribe the pill to married women, this was late 1960s. Luckily she was married so her (male) doctor found it acceptable.

that was the norm for a long time, also many doctors required the husband to come too, so the doc could be sure that the husband agreed.

My existance in the early 1980s was not the done thing in our naice town and the subject was kept fairly quiet. I was raised in an extended family set-up.

I didn't have issues myself but superficially things looked fairly respectable unless we disclosed the finer details. My mother was treated badly around her pregnancy birth, not helped by her obvious youth. My family had the sense to recognise that a shotgun wedding would be a major error.

There always have been hasty weddings, "early" babies and children tacking on to the end of large families. The stigma tailed off a lot in the 1990s and it became more open and less shameful to have a non-traditional family model. Divorce became easier and more common. Women got better maternity leave, better education and better career progression and became less dependent on marriage to a male breadwinner as an ideal circumstance.

"and i notice how the phrase used now is single parent; but it is nearly always a single mother who is bringing up the child, unless there has been a tragedy."

At least men are allowed to bring up the children after a tragedy. A friend of min grew up in Latin America about 40 years ago and she would have been taken away from her widowed father had she not fought for them and re-married quite quickly as it just wasn't accepted that men could look after children.

Back to Basics was in 1993:

"Back to Basics was a political campaign announced by British Prime Minister John Major at the Conservative Party conference of 1993 in Blackpool.

The campaign was intended as a nostalgic appeal to traditional values such as "neighbourliness, decency, courtesy". It was often interpreted as a campaign for socially conservative causes such as promoting the traditional family, though Major denied this. The campaign became the subject of ridicule when a succession of Conservative politicians were caught up in scandals."

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Back_to_Basics_(campaign)

Sometimes people argue that, like in France (or like it used to be in France), politicians' personal lives should be off limit, but the hypocrisy of the Back to Basics campaign made clear why it was relevant.

I'm not sure when the film was made but pregnant young women, raped, pregnant with boyfriend etc where marched of to these homes like our old fashioned workhouse and still operated till late 60s..Strangely if contraception been OK in Ireland 2for decades which we know is hard to get then why do we have 1000s of women who couldn't get contraception or it didn't work travel to England and still do for abortions..Which I don't agree with but its not about pro choice its just none of my business the treatment of women in Ireland was is barbaric yet without them the churches would end up closed as no women = children.
The lives of women and children ruined through ignorance and lack of love and false pride

these homes like our old fashioned workhouse and still operated till late 60s

Late 90s.

I’m from working class London stock. My mother was terribly relieved when I married dh before kids in 2000. (we were living in sin, she was the type to use that phrase!)
The aunt who got knocked up in the 1970s was rushed down the aisle. The one who did so in the 1980s wasn’t. (After the first divorced.)

I as a single parent when Blair came to power. I’ve never heard of single parent benefit?

Thatcher demonised single parents.

@Blossomtoes

these homes like our old fashioned workhouse and still operated till late 60s

Late 90s.

There were still women living in these 'homes' in the 90s. They had been there since the 50s, 60, even 70s and had become so institutionalised they could not be released to live independently. A friend of mine worked in mental health at this time. He was furious about what had happened in the past and that these women needed to be cared for for the rest of their lives.

@ArseInTheCoOpWindow

I as a single parent when Blair came to power. I’ve never heard of single parent benefit?

Thatcher demonised single parents.

Here you go @ArseInTheCoOpWindow.

www.independent.co.uk/news/blair-backs-harman-over-cut-in-loneparent-benefit-1295256.html

@ArseInTheCoOpWindow

I as a single parent when Blair came to power. I’ve never heard of single parent benefit?

Thatcher demonised single parents.

I don't remember it either although my daughter was 17 by the date of the article quoted by @Blossomtoes. I wasn't claiming any benefit other than child benefit though as I was working.

I think a lot of acceptability was due to age. If you were a teenager it would have been frowned on and it still is now.

In the early 70s, my mum had to go to Birmingham from Lancaster uni to get the pill. There was nowhere in Lancaster that would prescribe it to an unmarried woman. There was a clinic in Manchester, which was obviously much closer, but one of mums aunties worked on the same street so going all the way to Birmingham was considered safer. My grandparents found her pills when she was home for the holidays and my parents had to be hastily engaged to avoid upset. (Her sister went to Liverpool uni and the doctors there were much more relaxed about giving them out to any student who wanted them.)

@MargosKaftan

In the early 70s, my mum had to go to Birmingham from Lancaster uni to get the pill. There was nowhere in Lancaster that would prescribe it to an unmarried woman. There was a clinic in Manchester, which was obviously much closer, but one of mums aunties worked on the same street so going all the way to Birmingham was considered safer. My grandparents found her pills when she was home for the holidays and my parents had to be hastily engaged to avoid upset. (Her sister went to Liverpool uni and the doctors there were much more relaxed about giving them out to any student who wanted them.)

I got the pill in my smallish home town in the early 70s although I had to pay for it. The women working there always seemed very disapproving and I felt that right through the 70s.

If you were a teenager it would have been frowned on and it still is now

I don’t think this is true.I was a Secondary teacher for 26 years. When girls got pregnant we used to have baby showers, and make a big fuss of then. They’d bring their babies in. We loved it and so did their classmates.

I remember I’ve sitting her A levels a week before her delivery date. I taught art, the whole class made her stuff. It was never frowned on. And if my dd 15 got pregnant l would absolutely support her and her baby. No condemnation at all.

Really no one cares now.

Really no one cares now

I think you’ll find they do outside the rarified corner of the universe you seem to inhabit.

I don’t inhabit a rarefied corner. I think you must. I have never known any condemnation of children born ‘out of wedlock’ since the 80’s.

I wonder what bigoted corner you inhabit?