When did it become socially acceptable to have a baby without being married?

[Lambsandchicks]

1990s? Or before that? Any history/sociology experts around?

The data fits my family. I had my first at the age my mum had her last.
Only my great-grandmother had a baby while older than me with my first: this was with a second husband who presumably was keen to have his own children.
We never discussed contraception with the older generations (opportunity missed from a social history point of view!) but they were using something.

My mum was 21 and at uni when she had me in 1984 she married my dad the same year. It was accepted by everyone then.

I think women have always had babies later. I remember Cherie Blair having Leo in the 90’s. It was no big deal. And that was a lot longer than 20 years ago.

Letsgoforaskip, love a bit of rebellion!!! And it never leaves you😲. I thought l’d be less non confirming as l get older, but I’m worse!

I was born in 1997 and my parents got married when my mother was 5 months pregnant.

I remember her telling me during one of her woe is me monologues that my dad said to her ‘well, we best get married then’ when she told him she was pregnant.

I’d say early to mid 80s.
Early 70s —- friend (16) went to GP for the pill, he refused, said he was going to speak to her parents, she should be ashamed of herself. By 17 she was pregnant and had to get married.
Also heard nurses/ midwives, themselves only in their 20s , really talking down to unmarried mums, emphasising Miss when speaking about them and to them. It was a grim time.

@ArseInTheCoOpWindow

I think women have always had babies later. I remember Cherie Blair having Leo in the 90’s. It was no big deal. And that was a lot longer than 20 years ago.

Letsgoforaskip, love a bit of rebellion!!! And it never leaves you😲. I thought l’d be less non confirming as l get older, but I’m worse!

Leo Blair was born in 2000, he’s 21.

Late 80's it started to change, by 1990 people didn't care really in most communities but remember it's still taboo in some communities now.

I became pregnant in late 1982,and my rather prudish and straight laced parents didn't bat an eyelid,much to my surprise! I did get married when I was 4 months pregnant,but I'm still slightly amazed that they were so accepting of the fact that I fell pregnant before being married.

@ArseInTheCoOpWindow

Even the mw at the hospital refused to call me anything but Mrs.X with a disdainful frown upon her face

That wasn’t me experience in 93 at all. Ex Dh was always referred to as partner. I didn’t know anyone who was married with children. I was 30. Loads of friends had kids, none of them were married.

Just cause it wasn't your experience doesn't mean it wasn't mine

When I was at Primary School in the 70s, my best friend’s mum had a baby after she was divorced and that was seen as shocking (even getting divorced was unusual). My DM even wondered whether I should still go round her house!

There’s loads of societies and groups even in the UK where this still isn't even remotely acceptable. That’s what the patriarchy is and what it does to women and ‘illegitimate’ babies. It’s frightening.
On the other hand, not being married before having kids is not even a question in other, often more privileged groups these days. It’s no longer a negative because it doesn’t disadvantage the men in these groups socially like it used to do in previous generations if it becomes widely known. And not being married and being a dad may actually advantage men who do that, individually, if they then don’t want to stay with their partner and children.

Look at our Prime Minister’s behaviour toward his (however many, he won’t tell us) children with different partners. He’s morally disqualified for office in my book due to the sheer amount of lying and abandonment that he must be capable of.

I think sometime in the 80’s

My mum was a single mum and my dad wasn’t around I was born in 72 and it was often remarked upon

Having a baby outside of a relationship is a different level of disapproval though. I had children on my own through choice (via donor) in the 2000s and there was certainly unspoken disapproval, and I suspect we were treated differently by people - eg fewer playdates and gossip behind our backs. I remember telling my sister that I was expecting my second (and final) baby and she literally said nothing. Just ignored the statement, though we were sitting eating a meal together. There was a clear expectation that the children would turn out badly through having no dad. But the children turned out great, and she has come round!! The nursery always called me Mrs, but I was fine with that. Certain teachers at school would call me "Ms" with heavy sarcasm. And some people seemed to react really badly to the fact that we appeared to be successful - in terms of money and the children's achievements - while being a single mum family. Resentment and jealousy. One mother made several complaints to SS over absolutely nothing.

I had a friend who wasn’t married when she had her second dc. This was early 2000s. She told me her child’s teacher asked her child why she had a different name to her mum, I could not believe a teacher could be so stupid and cruel.
I think there is still a stigma towards unmarried women, not as much as there used to be but it’s still there.

My mil told me her doctor would only prescribe the pill to married women, this was late 1960s. Luckily she was married so her (male) doctor found it acceptable.

I was born out of wedlock in 1981. It wasn't a big deal and lots of my friends were born in the same situation. My parents got married when I was 7.

"She told me her child’s teacher asked her child why she had a different name to her mum, I could not believe a teacher could be so stupid and cruel."

Did the teacher mean to be cruel?
My mother didn't change her name when she got married and one of my aunts disapproved as it would make it look like they weren't married/we were illegitimate. My gm, who so disapproved of a cousin having a child out of marriage in the 90s, was fine with it and I suspect would have done the same had it been a thing when she got married herself.

@Gardeningcreature

My mil told me her doctor would only prescribe the pill to married women, this was late 1960s. Luckily she was married so her (male) doctor found it acceptable.

And in the early 70s in Ireland, even if you were married, you needed your husband's permission to get the pill.

Not my mother, but a friend's mother, her husband had to say to the gp, if my wife has asked for the pill you should prescribe it.

@Gardeningcreature

I had a friend who wasn’t married when she had her second dc. This was early 2000s. She told me her child’s teacher asked her child why she had a different name to her mum, I could not believe a teacher could be so stupid and cruel. I think there is still a stigma towards unmarried women, not as much as there used to be but it’s still there.

I can.

Though I expect people to have learnt something after the 1990s.

I married in 1983 and certainly amongst those we knew it was not regarded as quite right to have a child out of wedlock but no one was pointing fingers in the way that probably went on in the 1950s when young mothers were persuaded to have babies taken for adoption to hide the shame and of course they have very very little in the way of benefits either so another reason not to bring one up alone.

I still am glad my daughters have married and then had babies (the second one married last year in church).

I also think it depends and depended in the past on your religion too.

In fact in my twins' class I was the only divorced parent at one point (and the only single parent until one lady's husband died) in BOTH of their parallel classes but that will be because of the ethnic mix where we live - I think my London borough has the highest % of married couples or something along those lines.

@Blackbirdflyintothelight

I was born in 1988 to unmarried parents. It was certainly unusually still - in school I was the only one in my class who's parents were unmarried and school would always call my mum "Mrs" by default - but I didn't feel any stigma. Just that it was a bit different.

I am unmarried. I got introduced to a whole class as Mrs child's/DPs surname

They all called me it all day! I should have addressed it at the time but I froze.

@GirlsTalk250

Odd assumption in the OP, it’s still not socially acceptable to have DC out of wedlock.

It's totally acceptable. What an outdated view.

There’s loads of societies and groups even in the UK where this still isn't even remotely acceptable

Where though. I’m totally bemused by this thread. I had Ds in 93. Became a single parent in 95. Not by choice.

No one ever:
Called me Mrs
Asked why he had a different surname
Showed any disapproval in any way.

Just no one. I’m completely shocked by some of the comments on here!

I've been doing my family tree and have found quite a few unmarried mothers. In some cases the child was brought up by its grandparents. In other cases the mother married a few years later and the child lived with their mother and stepfather. This didn't seem particular unusual in 19th century working class families.

@ArseInTheCoOpWindow

There’s loads of societies and groups even in the UK where this still isn't even remotely acceptable

Where though. I’m totally bemused by this thread. I had Ds in 93. Became a single parent in 95. Not by choice.

No one ever:
Called me Mrs
Asked why he had a different surname
Showed any disapproval in any way.

Just no one. I’m completely shocked by some of the comments on here!

It is acceptable. Doesn't matter what fruit loops who think it isn't think really. I couldn't give a shiney shite.