If you were a high achiever in school, what's your life like now?

[Marsmon]

Just curiosity. A lot of the students who won all the prizes at school and were champions in this or that have fairly mundane lives now. Me included.

Whereas I look at those from school who've gone on to do some fantastic things, like run large companies or have a series of books published, or work at the forefront of Covid epidemiology and lots of them never achieved much while in school.

What about you? Does your achievement level in school match how successful you feel your life has been as an adult?

I was one of the academic achievers at my school. Big fish, tiny pond, however. I'm now home educating my children (on the other side of the world, which bit counts as successful for my home town). I have no career drive, am much happier pottering around at home.

My friend who came top in the country in one of our science exams is now working in AI tech in the Netherlands after getting her PhD in Physics.

DH and I were both high achievers at school, uni and masters level. Both continued to be high flyers in work.

He has carried on (CEO of a large company) and I have been coasting along in an extremely well paid PT job, so I can also deal with my 2 DC who both have SN. I could easily climb back onto the career ladder but our DC need me and we are fortunately high earners so I can afford to be PT.

It depends what you mean by successful. People quantify that in different ways.

I always got straight As in school, despite hating it. I have had a very difficult life though, spent most of teens and twenties living in total poverty and struggling with mental health. Very isolated and very poor.

I worked incredibly hard with studying and work to dig myself out of that and now earn six figures and have a lovely home, great children. But getting to this point has come at a huge cost to my mental and physical health so life is still very hard in that respect.

However, I had a disastrous marriage and am a lone parent. I don't love or hate my job, I am indifferent to it. But grateful that it means I'm just about able to provide for the kids alone. Is that success?

I've done very well in some ways and not in others. Like most people, I expect.

I do think that comparison is the thief of joy and I also think that you'd have no clue about most people's lives from facebook etc - nobody on there would know any of these things about me.

When I look at the people in my organisation who get to the top it's self belief and confidence. Also putting themselves first rather than the team sadly - high degree of self interest and sharp elbows. Not intelligence.

That's very true and is the reason so many organisations are so poorly managed.

I was always a straight A student, from a very poor background and got a fully paid scholarship to a top private school for sixth form, was encouraged to apply to Oxford etc (turned down a place in the end as my Gran who I lived with and was like a mum to me developed terminal cancer around the time I was due to go, I did a year of open university whilst caring for her trying to keep my options open but found it too hard with everything to continue). I think after that I just went off the rails a bit. Became an alcoholic, worked in a bar, slept with too many people, had a wild time. Then had my dd in a long term abusive relationship and left him when she was 6 months old. Then I threw myself back into trying to get a good job- worked my way up to senior marketing manager for a luxury brand and realised I hated it. So quit and moved to the country and worked in a bakery.. and then make up. God I’ve done so many different things. I’m now mid 40s and disabled and can’t work and I actually enjoy not working. Gives me time to read and learn stuff I find interesting. I’ve hated every job I’ve ever had. I think I peaked in school.

@user1471548941

I got the highest GCSE results in my mediocre school and was Head Girl. I got 7 A levels all A/B grades and got into a top uni.

Had a massive wobble, really struggled with uni, lots of difficult personal circumstances and scraped a 2.2. Then struggled to find my place in the workplace and went through lots of different jobs in several years.

Eventually got an autism diagnosis that changed my life and it was like someone switched me back on the high achiever track!

Landed a job in a top investment bank through sheer grit and good academics, worked my way up, been promoted 3 times in 6 years and due another one soon.

Bought my own house, met a similarly high achieving husband and now we have an amazingly comfortable life.
However, it wouldn’t be this way without the autism diagnosis that got me support that I desperately needed- I would most likely still be moving round loads of waitressing jobs!

That's an amazing story.

My best friend has a very bright autistic DD who's going to secondary school in September and this will really inspire her.

I've been single for 10 years since my marriage broke up, I live in a HA house and have got my first permanent job this year, aged 44.
I have battled mental health issues all my life since at least 13 (spent a lot of my teens considering suicide), am probably dyspraxic and have ASD tendencies, and I have a diagnosis of CFS/ME, although currently in remission.

I am a survivor.

I did alright at school but very early on realised I can just coast through it without any effort.... Parents and teachers were pretty hands off since I got ok average grades. I realised that if I got good grades that led to more work since those children were given extra work, same with bad grades. But with average grades I could get away with doing bare minimum...

Those children who were getting top grades at school are doing ok, nothing high flying but happy lives with careers that they're happy with. Those from my school who seem to have gone to do really well are the ones who even as a teen were determined and didn't seem too afraid of authority figures, also they had good social skills in terms of being able to make friends with lots of different groups of kids.

I shall come back to read this thread.
I generally I think the children who do well in school are usually those who like to be instructed and follow whats asked of them and therefore are not driven by their own curiosity and interests. I'd say school kind of suits an average person if that makes any sense. /Mind you I didnt go through british school system so might have a different experience./

@user1471548941

I got the highest GCSE results in my mediocre school and was Head Girl. I got 7 A levels all A/B grades and got into a top uni.

Had a massive wobble, really struggled with uni, lots of difficult personal circumstances and scraped a 2.2. Then struggled to find my place in the workplace and went through lots of different jobs in several years.

Eventually got an autism diagnosis that changed my life and it was like someone switched me back on the high achiever track!

Landed a job in a top investment bank through sheer grit and good academics, worked my way up, been promoted 3 times in 6 years and due another one soon.

Bought my own house, met a similarly high achieving husband and now we have an amazingly comfortable life.
However, it wouldn’t be this way without the autism diagnosis that got me support that I desperately needed- I would most likely still be moving round loads of waitressing jobs!

Same here regarding the (very late) autism and ADHD diagnoses. That has been life changing. I am certain that the source of many of my earlier struggles were due to trying to manage all of that with no idea what was going on.

Well done for coming through that and out the other side to a great life.

Shit tbh. I went to grammar school and got A's and B's in GCSEs and A' levels. After uni I struggled to get a decent job and spent 3 years temping. I then found a job I loved and did it for 10 years before becoming ill with ME/CFS. I'm now 41, living alone in a rented flat and unable to work. Sometimes my fatigue is so bad I can't get out of bed for days on end. I feel like an absolute failure and I could cry for the teenager who thought she had the world at her feet.

Mundane is probs a fair word for my life hah. I earn little over minimum wage, have two young kids and work part-time. I do have a first class degree in a vocational subject but I'd need a lot more study and training to actually be qualified to practice in the field. I do have an offer from a company to start this in the autumn so fingers crossed. It will hugely increase my earning potential although I am unlikely to ever be a higher rate tax payer, though that's partly as I'm not very career focused anymore since having the kids and hope to work part time in the future too. My husband earns more than double what I do, NHS worker. We are still entitled to a tiny amount of CTC for example so not wealthy, we don't own our own house but have a decent deposit saved now so trying to sort that soon. We live in a modest 3 bed 1 bathroom terraced house with a yard in a fairly affluent area that we will probably buy. I have lots of friends from all walks of life. No social life really but only because the youngest is still a baby, when he's bigger I'm sure I will get that back as I did after DC1. No money for holidays really but other than that we have a good standard of living and spend a lot on leisure for DC1. Sometimes I do feel sad that I haven't qualified yet and my life definitely hasn't turned out how I expected it would. On the other hand I recognise how fortunate I am to have a good standard of living, two beautiful kids who were both planned, a supportive family, lovely friends...I don't have any regrets.

I think being clever has allowed me to cruise through life - other people earn more than me, but I don't think many people find work as easy as I do.

I was a “high flier” at school and do well now my 40s by most standards.

I think I had both intelligence but also ambition and parental support. A very working class background but an only child so my parents did put all of their resources on me which I have no doubt helped immensely.

I was a high achiever at school. I wanted to be a nurse.

I became one and never wanted to progress beyond staff nurse level because I loved bedside nursing and didn't want to move out of it.

I'm retired now and look back on my career with satisfaction and affection. I wouldn't do anything differently if I could go back.

So how do you judge my career? Success or failure?

I was very middle of the road and now work with and earn the same as Oxbridge Graduates and people who are clearly academic. I coasted through Uni and my friends who were very driven to achieve top grades have also ended in a similar place to me financially. This makes me feel more reassured that my children who are also average ability shouldn't be too disadvantaged by not being super academic or a slave to their exams.

I am oc the philosophy that it is better for your mental health to do just enough to get to the next stage of life.

I was a high flier and am now a senior academic.

@Canhearthemice

I was very middle of the road and now work with and earn the same as Oxbridge Graduates and people who are clearly academic. I coasted through Uni and my friends who were very driven to achieve top grades have also ended in a similar place to me financially. This makes me feel more reassured that my children who are also average ability shouldn't be too disadvantaged by not being super academic or a slave to their exams.

I am oc the philosophy that it is better for your mental health to do just enough to get to the next stage of life.

People who are very academic and getting the top grades at school/ uni are often doing exactly the same! But obviously as you and many of us have said academic ability isn't everything.

I often think it would be bliss not to be so aware of everything (mentally, and also in terms of perception and sensory stuff being ASD and ADHD). It must be nice to have a more peaceful mind.

I guess OP that in most cases success is either a result of being very bright, very creative, very driven, very socially adept, very lucky, very insightful about what will make them happy, or some combination of those. 🤷🏻‍♀️

All the very high achievers at my (private) school went to medical school, that is what I did. I have had a wonderful medical career and never regretted it for a moment. I now work part-time freelance and have a very good NHS pension. I'm a high earner but not in the league of people I was at school with who went into business (some of them had family money/businesses though, I had none of that).

I got the best GCSE results in my year at school, and top A Level results. I am not doing anything amazing. I am a teacher. However, I have a full and rich life with a husband, kids, fitness, hobbies and lots of community action. I also have really good friendships and have travelled a lot. If success were just measured by a salary, I am not doing that well. But if you go beyond that, I think I have done fine so far.

I went to a very competitive girls grammar school, where it was expected that the next stage was university. I followed that route, became a teacher, but didn’t advance my career until my children were over the age of ten. I ended up as assistant head in a secondary school, so I suppose that would count as reasonable.

Seems to me that usually the people who end up making a lot of money (eg, 100k +) are people who mindfully set out to do this. Simply being the top of your class and then going to a Russell Group university doesn’t mean people will start throwing money at you in your job of choice when you graduate. That doesn’t mean “only” consider money, but it does mean you see attaining a big salary at some point as a definite goal and then actively working towards it.

I don’t find this thread gloaty at all. I think most posts are very frank, humble and interesting. I think school leaders could learn a lot by asking this question and shifting the focus in schools accordingly.

Studies show that high achievers at high school often do worse at uni than the middling ones at high-school. This is because the top performers at high school haven’t had to work for their success, you can coast through on natural abilities. Once you get to uni, you really do need to work to be successful, no matter how clever you are. The students who weren’t top in high school aren’t held back by the shock of suddenly needing to work to do well, it doesn’t impact on their identity in the same way that things are suddenly a struggle - because they always have been - so all their work skills start to beat the lazy natural talent!