In your opinion, what’s the best age gap between kids?

[chatterbug22]

Not at the point of thinking about this just yet but planning ahead for the future.

What are the age gaps between yours and why has it worked well for you?

I hear a lot of people say 3 years is just right for many for a whole host of reasons but thought it’d be interesting to see a consensus.

We have 5 years and I love it - it meant that my maternity leave was during dd's reception year which was great for settling her into school and having 1-1 time with dd2 as well (we'll, until covid showed up!!).

Dd1 is old enough to be able to play nicely with dd2 and make allowances for her now that she's a demanding toddler and they really are great friends. We haven't paid for childcare at the same time either which was fab.

I second 5 yr gap for the same reasons as above. You get to enjoy each child and spend quality time with them.

Mine are 3 years apart and I love that age gap. My oldest was still little when no 2 came along but not as needy as a younger child would have been. It was perfect for us.

I have a nearly 5 year gap too and it's working out really well. Eldest was so excited about having a baby brother and is very attentive to him now.

I have a 6 year gap… was great when the little one was little as the big one was really helpful and loving.
Little one is 6 now and big one is 12, it’s not so great now as they want to do completely different things at weekends and holidays and there is only one of me so sometimes in hindsight i wish I hadn’t waited so long for the second

Mine have 2.5 years between them.

I wanted them to be relatively close in age so that they would be at similar life stages together. The early years were stressful but now that they older it's much easier.

I remember having one in reception at school and the other is nursery and it was soooo stressful having to do two drop offs/pick ups around work. Now, I have one in primary and one in secondary and I didn't wait until they are both in the same place again!!

My two are 21 months apart. Perfect age gap to me.

I have 4.5 year gap and it's been great. I would have always recommended it. No double nursery fees.

But now they are 15 and 11 the oldest is really leaving the youngest behind a little.

So I think 3-3.5 would be better taking into when they get older as well.

I think it depends how many you want, if you just want 2 then space them a little but if you want 5 then I would say just let nature take its course and have them close together.

I've loved 2 years. They are so close and I got to enjoy them again during second (and third) mat leave. 4 years between eldest and youngest. They enjoy many of the same things.

I would say 3yrs is best, having observed many families. Close enough in age to play together. But no awful baby and toddler stage.

2 yrs 5 mths
It was hard with a EBF newborn and a pottytraining toddler!

However as they grew older they were great friends and into their teens. Now both 20’s and are still great friends and go out and spend a lot of time together with their partners too.

I wouldn’t have wanted the gap to be any longer than 3 yrs I don’t think.

2.5 years for me has been brilliant. Close enough in age that they adore each other and play together constantly. Meant I was on good Mat pay until 30 hour funding kicked in at 3 so never painful unaffordable (just regular skint parents ). Eldest was able to understand what was going on, ‘help’ in some way and wait for me to finish feeding, sorting baby etc if they wanted lunch. It wasn’t super planned (fell pregnant immediately on ‘trying’ v lucky) but I couldn’t have timed it better anyway. If I did it again I’d have at least the same- a small age gap would have killed me!

2.5 years between my two. Meant that we were just getting out of the nappy stage with DC1, and he started nursery three months later. They had very similar interests too
I did the school run for 8 years in total which was plenty.

It was the age gap we wanted and we appreciate how lucky we were that it happened like that.

I had three under four and I wouldn’t have it any other way. There were 4 years between myself and my sister and we were in our 20s before we began to have a close relationship. My middle one links the eldest and the youngest and they have always been a little gang - in the nicest sense of the word!!

I have a 20 month gap between first two. First year was extremely difficult as second baby was colicky and clingy and toddler tantrumed a lot. But it’s a lovely gap for them. They are super close and into all the same things.

Gap between 2 and 3 is 3.9 years. Much easier for me (or would have been without lockdowns) but is too big a gap for them to play in the same way. Last one is the ‘little one’. They’re not peers.

I’m happy with the gaps overall but if I was only having two I’d definitely keep the gap under 3 years. For the kids sake more than mine.

I have absolutely loved the 3 year gap. Just close enough to adore each other and like the same things, just far enough apart that there’s no competition between them and free hours at nursery.

We have 2.5 years which was the minimum I wanted. Was aiming for 3 and I think that’s ideal but didn’t know how long it would take. Between 2 and 3 every month makes them easier to deal with so closer to 3 is better IMO while still getting all the benefits of them being close in age.

I have a 7 year old and my next one is due in the next month or so. I wish we had a slightly smaller gap but life doesn't always do what you want it to. I am looking forward to seeing where the next few years take us.

We loved 4.5 years. DS’s needs were fully met all that time and he was starting to get independent so didn’t miss out when DD needed more attention .they get on so well .

So many ways to skin a cat.

For most of the second half of the twentieth century, two year gaps were considered optimal (enough time to really fully recover between births, but close enough to be near-peers). That seemed to work for many and a lot of people still do that, especially now the free hours are more substantial for working parents.

Then pre school funding for three and four year olds came in and most parents were working, so three years became a sensible gap to aim for, and a lot of people did that.

The thing is now that we have IVF, and norw stepfamilies you don’t always get to plan things quite how you’d like. In the case on ivf, that sometimes means you get a baby that years ago you wouldn’t ever have had, but not to your schedule. So I think you see a lot more variation at the school gates now than when I was what at school.

I have a gap of 15 months between the first two and then more than 9 years. So I know that small gaps are chaos in the first couple of years - lots of nappies and hard work - but then the D.C. are at roughly the same developmental stage forever and entertain each other a lot of the time, share friends, are ready for the same museums, films at the same kind of time. Much bigger gaps mean the relative peace of only one preschooler at a time and when you have big gaps like ours, it’s a completely different sibling relationship, a bit more cross-generation but equally lovely with no competition.

I have a friend who swears by 7 year gaps and planned it that way. She thinks it’s best financially and best for sibling harmony, I thought that was brave as she has three, so has gone back to the newborn stage after substantial gaps twice, but she loved it.

So don’t get hung up on one right answer. Even if you have a preference, which is worth thinking about, be prepared for it to go some other way.

I’ve done different combinations and they’ve all got their pros and cons, a 4-5 year gap is great and really gives you chance to enjoy the early years with each child plus the older child old enough to appreciate the arrival of the new baby. However a smaller gap usually means the children grow up and play more together etc and nicer once your kids older. However you can feel like your 1st child’s babyhood was over before you knew it and those early years are more an endurance than anything so can see why people would recommend the 3 year gap as a compromise

20 months apart, one school year. Too close, they are too competitive. There are lots of advantages to them always being at the same stage but it’s outweighed by the constant fighting and bickering.

18 months for our two.

I was really close to my DB growing up and we’re good friends as adults.

So, I purposely went for the same age gap (and DH went along with it!). We started TTC when DC1 was 7 months old.

Having two under two was hard work, but that’s a dim and distant memory, and it has long since come into its own. They’re great friends who genuinely like each other, they share interests, etc (they both play tennis and are doubles partners, for example). They’re always at similar ages and stages which makes life easier.

Very personally (just my opinion and I don’t expect people to agree with me), but a 5-year gap doesn’t appeal at all. A 10/15YO girl isn’t going to be very interested in a 5/10YO boy, they’re not going to share friends and interests, etc.

For me minimum of 3yrs, I currently have 3yr6m, had eldest one nursery 5 half days a week so time just with baby and then got to see him in to school and do school runs. Currently TTC and DS1 is 8 this July and DS2 was 4 in January.