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Original poster

In your opinion, what’s the best age gap between kids?

87 replies

chatterbug22 · 19/03/2022 18:56

Not at the point of thinking about this just yet but planning ahead for the future.

What are the age gaps between yours and why has it worked well for you?

I hear a lot of people say 3 years is just right for many for a whole host of reasons but thought it’d be interesting to see a consensus.

OP posts:
Thoosa · 19/03/2022 19:39

@FabulouslyFab

I had three under four and I wouldn’t have it any other way. There were 4 years between myself and my sister and we were in our 20s before we began to have a close relationship. My middle one links the eldest and the youngest and they have always been a little gang - in the nicest sense of the word!!
Sometimes I think I’d do it that way if I had my time again and circumstances were right. It’s hardcore though, isn’t it, small gaps? I do like the way you can run maternity leaves close together, get all the nappies over in a few years and produce a team quickly. And that was just having two under two. Three would have been the boosted version. Grin Not for everyone, though.
narcdad · 19/03/2022 19:47

18 months to 3 years

KateTheEighth · 19/03/2022 19:52

1 year

That's what I have and I love it

Interested in this thread?

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Families
slightlypeckish · 19/03/2022 19:54

22 months at 5 and 7 they seem so much closer than friends children with a bigger age gap.

ChocolateRiver · 19/03/2022 19:57

3 years here. Just right for us.

OnceuponaRainbow18 · 19/03/2022 20:01

Mine are 2.2 years apart, hard at times, great at times, horrific at times, waiting for it to get easier

PaddleBoardingMomma · 19/03/2022 20:04

@Findahouse21

We have 5 years and I love it - it meant that my maternity leave was during dd's reception year which was great for settling her into school and having 1-1 time with dd2 as well (we'll, until covid showed up!!).

Dd1 is old enough to be able to play nicely with dd2 and make allowances for her now that she's a demanding toddler and they really are great friends. We haven't paid for childcare at the same time either which was fab.

This! Exactly the same as my girls and it's been perfect
popandchoc · 19/03/2022 20:10

I had a 4 year gap and was good when they were small as i got lots of one on one time with youngest when eldest started school. Eldest was also able to do things herself like go to the toilet etc. However now they are 10 and 6 it is harder as eldest is going to secondary school this year and wants to do very different things from her sister.

neverthenot · 19/03/2022 20:13

We have three years, they are 9 and 6 now, and it’s worked well. I think it helps that they just like each other, and are quite similar. My sibling is 3 years older than me, but they never liked me. So maybe the age gap is less important than whether your kids just click.

EcoCustard · 19/03/2022 20:13

I had 4 under 4 for a while so close in age. 12 months was the best gap, worked well and still does. 19 months were my other gaps and that also worked well. I have friends with 6/7/8 year olds now having their second child and think their mad. Grin You have a becoming more independent child, who likes doing stuff, is fun and your going to start the sleepless nights, feeding, toddler tantrums again. Although chaotic at times, they are close, Play well, look out for one another, and are not too far apart with likes, interests etc. however life has been nothing but nappies for the last few years.

Namechangedforspooky · 19/03/2022 20:14

5 years here too and it’s great so far for all the reasons mentioned by pp
However we didn’t plan it that way. I would have had 2 under 2 if I hadn’t lost both pregnancies at that stage (and a few more after). I would be wary of trying to plan gaps too carefully, it may not be something you can control unfortunately.

DonGray · 19/03/2022 20:16

2 years

IWasFunBeforeMum · 19/03/2022 20:16

17 months between mine. My god it was hard for the first few years but now they're 4 and nearly 3 they're best friends and play constantly together.

SevenSistersStar · 19/03/2022 20:45

A larger age gap is easier when they are little, a smaller age gap easier once they are school age. My advice would be don't worry about it, just start trying for the second child when you're ready. It's not something you have complete control over anyway.

FourChimneys · 19/03/2022 20:49

A few minutes was perfect for us but of course we didn't plan that. I loved them being at the same stage, it made everything so straightforward.

MamaNeedsTea · 19/03/2022 21:02

2yrs9m between mine.

First year was a blur with double the nappies, stroppy 2yr old & colicky/reflux baby. 🥴

Very happy with our gap though, they get on really well & our eldest is so great at helping out. They love eachother to bits.

feckingknackered · 19/03/2022 21:14

I have a three year gap then two year gap. The two year gap siblings are closer, even now they're teens

Deadringer · 19/03/2022 22:37

I think 3 years is about right. I have 5 years between 3 of mine and while it was great in a way, one was at school and quite independant by the time i had the next one, there was a feeling of starting from scratch each time, a bit groundhog dayish.

Deadringer · 19/03/2022 22:38

There was 2 years 3 months between our first two though, and that felt right at the time.

runningfromreality · 19/03/2022 22:40

There is no right answer. Once you start a family, go with the flow. Or don't. It tends to work our either way. We have 3 with 3 years between each, which is lovely. But it's an adventure however you do it Confused

NauseousNancy · 19/03/2022 22:41

I have 4.5 years and I love it. Mat leave was my daughters first year at school so I was there for school pick ups, had lots of 1 on 1 time with baby. Now 9 and almost 5 and they are very best friends.

runningfromreality · 19/03/2022 22:41

I mean, you can't always plan. It's a modern myth. If you're married and stable and you have at least one child, it's a case of God's will, or if you're not religious, a mix of science, attempting to plan, calendar timing, carefulness or lack-of... and what bodies want to do!!

CoastalWave · 19/03/2022 22:46

So many people now with what I would consider huge age gaps between kids - 5 years or more.

I wonder how the children feel about this?

My Dad's brother was 7 years older than him growing up in the 50's. Dad says he never related to him at all - after all, when Dad was 7, his brother was 14, at a completely different life stage. They were never close and never felt like brothers, more like a random Uncle/nephew arrangement!

One of the reasons I only have 17months between my two. Hard work at the time, but from about age 3/4 onwards they're at the same stage and can enjoy the same days out together/ They're now 8 and 9 and it's brilliant.

merrymelodies · 19/03/2022 22:56

Three years. My DC are three years apart and it's worked out well for them - they're close and get on well but don't have the same friends and teachers.

Magnalux · 19/03/2022 23:34

I’ve 3 kids.. 18 month gap between all of them., if I had my time again I wouldn’t change a thing.. it’s worked out perfect for us.. obviously 3 under 3 was tiring but it was fine I was fortunate enough to be able to take a career break for a few years.. now they are 9, 10.5 and 12 and great mates..it’s brilliant now for days out we can all go to the same things.. they like the same movies etc.. it’s was a godsend in lockdown as they had each other. I was glad to get my nappy changing years over me relatively quickly!! There’s no right or wrong here, there’s 11 months between me and my sister and we are only warming to each other now in our 40’s!!