In your opinion, what’s the best age gap between kids?

[chatterbug22]

Not at the point of thinking about this just yet but planning ahead for the future.

What are the age gaps between yours and why has it worked well for you?

I hear a lot of people say 3 years is just right for many for a whole host of reasons but thought it’d be interesting to see a consensus.

We've gone for three. DD is at nursery, gets free hours, not in nappies any more, sleeps through the night, doesn't require constant supervision in the same way, is able to do things like get herself dressed, climb into car seat, follow instructions and help out with things, etc. Feels like a good balance, although DD2 yet to arrive so we shall see

There are six years between our two, its great (at the moment), because my son being six is fairly independent, so can dress himself etc, so mornings aren’t too hectic. He’s also old enough to watch the baby for 2/3 minutes if I go to the toilet, take the bins out etc. He’s also at that age where he still enjoys helping, and is old enough to be trusted to do it, so he’a great for delivering drinls etc when I’m feeding his sister, or when she’s asleep on me etc.

When they get older the obvious issue will be that when she’s 5/6 she will most likely want to play with him lots, but as a 12 year old he’ll likely refuse, especially if his friends are around.

I wanted 2 years but infertility and loss meant it ended up being 4 - I was sad at first but actually I prefer the 4 years - I ended up having twins so eldest was at school and much more independent which helps hugely with having 2 babies to focus on. She's also a massive help in terms of fetching nappies and being a separate set of eyes when they crawl off in opposite directions 😂
I'd like one more which may end up being a 3 year age gap to the twins - purely down to finances as can't realistically afford another until the twins have 30 hours funded childcare

I know people with 7 and 10+ and IMO it's just too much of a gap - people assume the siblings aren't fully related and are from a previous relationship and a 10 year old just doesn't want to do what a 3 year old does and it hugely splits the family on days out

2 years 2 months between mine. Always wanted 2 years. They get on well most of the time odd teen spats. It works for us but other friends have from 6 years to 1 year gap. Different stokes for different folks! Some like one child at school when the next one comes along so have time with each other’s like similar ages. It’s very dependent on the parents.

Don’t have two years-at some point you will be having the most stressful summer of your life with A levels and GCSE’s at the same time😱 I obviously did not think that through! 3 is perfect

2.5 years has been great for us. The very best times of child rearing for me have been holidays, days out etc over the years, and it was so easy and enjoyable as they were close enough in age to please everyone and enjoy things together at each stage. Particularly in the teen years, everyone was suited longer than they otherwise might have been.
We kind of wrote off 0-3 anyway. Just outsourced the hard bit and had them in nursery.

5 years here and it’s worked well. Dc1 got to take full advantage of being the only one for some time and was settled at primary school when DC2 came along. It meant maternity leave was pretty stress free and no juggling really needed to be done. Dc1 was old enough to want to help (and actually be helpful!) and there was no resentment or competitiveness there. They have a lovely bond and I have enjoyed focusing on their different stages, separately. But we wanted another child for us. If you are having another child as a playmate for your other kids then I guess closer might work better although I’ve never seen “close” siblings under their teen years. There’s something to be said for getting those long nights and nappy changes all out the way in a few short years though.

15 months between my two.. to say it's been challenging would be an understatement 😂 brilliant but exhausting. But I do think when they're older it will be better to have them close in age.

Just over 4 years between my two and it was great. DD was at nursery going into reception so I got to do the majority of the baby groups one on one with DS. She was really keen to help fetching bits and bobs.

Ours is 3 and a half years.

I have 20 months between my oldest 2, it was very hard at the time, but they are such good company for each other now, I’m glad it happened (accidentally!) that way! We have a 3rd and there is 4 years between the baby and the middle. The gap is great for me, as I only have one at home, but it is stressful juggling the conflicting needs of all 3, as the older 2 do a lot of activities together now.

We have another one on the way and we’ll have a similar gap to one between the eldest 2 (about 22 months) and although I’m dreading it for the early years, I’m glad that they will have company more appropriately aged.

I love my 2 year 4 months age gap.

Hadn't got out of baby mode before 2nd arrived so didn't have to dive back into that.

Oldest was so young when 2nd arrived he adapted really quickly and resentment of change was scant and easily handled (usual toddler parenting, shower with love, distract).

It was intense having a baby and a toddler, but I was sahm parent so was able to put a lot of time into teaching them tools to share well together and having no tolerance of unfair play as youngest got to the toys stage which has stood them in such good stead both at home and at school or other people's houses. That period of intensity lasted all of 2 years (and babies are intense anyway so it's not that different imo) and now it's worth it as they are close in age they have stacks of fun together, we can do stuff as a family and no one is wishing they were somewhere else so the payback is the the rest of their childhood which massively outweighs that brief time for me.

Hand me downs (equipment or clothes) don't have to be kept for long before they're used and handed on.

Ours are 23 months apart and know lots of families with two year gaps. I'd say it's been pretty perfect, although this year is quite full-on (GCSEs and A levels, college and uni applications) also we are looking at at least one year of them both being at uni which will be expensive.

Enough for them not to be at infant and junior school at the same time, assuming it is not a 4-11 primary school where you live. Allows each child to be seen in their own right, and not the older or younger brother or sister of your other child.

15 months is lovely. OMG so tiring but they have always been so close.

@MrsElijahMikaelson1

Don’t have two years-at some point you will be having the most stressful summer of your life with A levels and GCSE’s at the same time😱 I obviously did not think that through! 3 is perfect

I've got 2 year age gap but because of when the birthdays fall it's 3 school year difference. I'm now feeling like I've dodged a bullet.

My views changed as I went along!

Started out wanting an 18 month gap, as I’d grown up very close to my sister who is 18 months younger than me.

In the end I didn’t feel even remotely ready to start trying until DC1 was 2.5. I was too knackered and consumed with my first baby.

I had a miscarriage the first time we tried for a second, and DC2 eventually came along with a 3 yr 9 month gap. It worked out really nicely, as DC1 was at nursery, so I had a proper maternity leave spending lots of time with my second baby. DC1 was also a great sleeper by then, out of nappies, no buggy etc so I had my hands free for DC2.

I think you make the best of whatever gap you have, though. Thee are benefits and downsides to all age gaps. My best friend had three under and it was pretty brutal when they were babies (triple buggy! ).
But they’re teens now and they are so close and such lovely, helpful girls.

Just under 3 years. Tough at times but they mostly enjoy the same things currently.
I also felt like I had plenty of time between pregnancies to recover, felt I could really concentrate on both at babyhood stage. Eldest was at nursery during my mat leave, apart from 8 weeks during Covid lockdown.

I think there are pros and cons to all age gaps.
A smaller age gap is super tough during the baby stage and lots of nursery fees in one go if you go back to work but possibly easier as they are older for activities/days out etc.
Mine are 3 years apart, but 4 school years apart.

19 months here, will be 2 school years apart. They are great friends, play together most of the time and it’s lovely seeing them enjoying things together. Also it’s a real faff doing separate preschool and school runs, so I can’t wait for them both to be at school together soon! I also get to sit for a bit if I want to at soft play, parks etc as they are off together - rather than friends with larger age gaps who are still in baby/ toddler stages. So although there were some tough times with them both little it’s brilliant now.

We have 3.5 years (4 school years) and it has worked well for us. All things being equal I think 3 years would be my ideal.

I don't think you can really know whether they'll get on/play together based just on the age gap.

I do notice more people seem to have relatively large age gaps these days (3-6 years), compared to when I was at school and 2 year gaps were more common amongst my friends and their siblings.

2-3 years.

Having had a 2 year age gap myself, I'd say 3 years is probably easier in the baby stage but 2 years now is easier they're older. With a two year age gap, the first year was hard. But I also adapted quite quickly and loved it. It obviously depends on the child. Don't consider it if your first child is not sleeping through though.

I don't understand the appeal of 4 + age gaps. Imagine getting a full night's sleep again, life can be a bit more spontaneous again, you get the freedom that comes with your kids going to school for yourself or your career. No more nappies or buggies or bottles. But then you're right back to square one in the trenches with the baby stage again or sleepless nights, nappies and prams. Large age gaps just drag everything out too long for me.

This is of course assuming you have any choice in the matter, which a lot of people don't unfortunately.

I've got one 19 month gap and then bang on 4 years for the next gap.

19 months was tough. Barely slept for 3 years. Don't remember much as was so full on. But now they're the best of friends. Enjoy same stuff, helps they're both girly girls.

4 years. Been great as older two can help and he adores them! As the older ones sleep DH and I can split the bad nights and get some rest so I don't feel as tired. But the youngest hates it when they're at school as he wants his buddies to play with! He's 18 months and in nursery which helps.

I wanted a 3 year gap as I worry as they get older the youngest will get life behind but they may not like the same stuff and my middle child is quite young emotionally so who knows!! But DH was setting up a business so had to wait.

My folks had 5 in 10 years biggest gap by far is my sister and I at just shy of four years. We were best mates as kids and very close now!

Almost exactly 3 years worked very well for me, but I was probably very lucky in that the elder never showed any signs of jealousy.

A dd had just 15 months between 1 and 2, and although it was obviously hard work at first, it’s been lovely later, such good friends, playing together, enjoying the same sort of activities - not to mention often cuddled up together in the same bed. 😍

I wanted a 3 year gap but it didn’t work out that way, so it’ll be 4 years. I’m hoping the gap isn’t too big for them to be close.