I'm so full of rage and hatred towards everyone, I'm turning it to a horrible, mean bitch!

[Paperthin282]

I used to be lovely, I always thought well of people, loved people, was kind and considerate. I'm now 42 and I just feel full of distain. People piss me off all the time, I feel like I've had an epiphany and realised that everyone is full of complete bullshit and I just can't deal with it anymore. I'm bottling the feelings up, no one knows what I actually think of them but I don't know how much longer I can keep it all in but then I'll end up with no friends!!

I think my mum is about the only person who I think isn't full of crap and DH is pretty sound around 80% of the time

Just as an example, my friend messaged me yesterday. She has covid (no symptoms) but is isolating in the house for a few days as she doesn't want her DH or DC to catch it. She's so upset, upset she can't touch or kiss her husband (🤢) upset she's missed a milestone for her DS (coulbnt take him to his enrollment in the cadets). I sent a nice response but inside I'm just thinking FFS it's 3 days!! Get a fucking grip!!

How do you get rid of the anger? Maybe I need to take up boxing or something, I feel so full up with it, it's horrible. I used to be so calm.

I dont know if I'm being irrational or I'm seeing the light!

@BobbinThreadbare123

You're not alone, OP. I'm not 40 yet but this shit has got to be from peri, right? Unfortunately I did go to the doctor's about it but apparently I'm too young... Which obviously just enhanced my rage

You are not too young. Go to a peri/menopause clinic. Most GP's are useless.

@Aquamarine1029 I know I'm not. Peri can be very slow - my mother took about 15 years over hers so there's no reason why I wouldn't either. I get the impression it has to cause a woman an awful lot of grief before anything is actually done to help, unless your GP is hot on it.

[quote BobbinThreadbare123]@Aquamarine1029 I know I'm not. Peri can be very slow - my mother took about 15 years over hers so there's no reason why I wouldn't either. I get the impression it has to cause a woman an awful lot of grief before anything is actually done to help, unless your GP is hot on it.[/quote]
Like I said, get yourself to a clinic. That's what I did.

I'm 42 soon and pretty similar OP to be honest. I mean, I've never been that nice, but now everyone and everything seems to piss me off.

I can only assume it's Peri kicking in, I actually feel exactly the way I felt on one of the contraceptive pills I went on for a while, so I can only assume it's hormonal rather than me being an actual massive cow.

I feel a bit robbed to be honest. I had all my three children after 35, so I feel like I spent my late 30s being a bit of a pissed off pregnant person and now I'm done with all that, Im a pissed off peri menopausal person instead. I was hoping I'd get a few years in between!

The best company in the whole world is my dog, infact I'd love to live on an island with my dog, no one else for a million miles.

I sooooooo get this. It's how I feel too, most of the time

Are you me OP? Everyone and everything gets on my nerves and I'm the same age as you! I love my dc's and though they can be annoying I don't get angry with them the way i do other people.

I think as I've got older I've got better at understanding human behaviour and noticing "negative" personality traits in people. For instance one of my siblings whom I always thought a lot of I have realised over the years is very selfish, manipulative and uses people time and time again. They follow the same pattern of behaviour to the point where I now just have lost a lot of respect for them.
Same with friends - certain ones I notice things about them that I really don't like and it just becomes more obvious somehow as you all age - I have a largish group of friends but was always particularly close to two of them but now I see traits in them I really don't like and actually enjoy the company much more of some of the other friends who I never really thought of myself as being as friendly with.
And also dh. I love him but I've realised he can be a real misogynistic bastard and also moans a LOT. About the same things, over and over again.
I just don't have the tolerance to put up with it anymore.
I sometimes feel I'd be happier on my own in a remote village! - but I know in reality I'd be lonely so I have to remind myself why I love these people and try to see the good in them. And also remind myself that I'm not perfect!

I sometimes feel like I hit 40 and my rose coloured specs fell off!

Go and get your hormone levels tested: I was just like this before I started HRT because I was peri menopausal. Seriously, life’s too short to get that annoyed with shit.

Nearly 46 here and I’m in full peri, while the hot flushes and anxiety are hard going I’m enjoying my new personality, I’ve always been a people pleaser and said yes to things that I really didn’t want to do, now I say no and feel no guilt. I’ve thought about HRT but don’t feel I want it at the moment.
I don’t have a partner and don’t want one, my sex drive has tanked and I don’t want it back. The thought of a man touching me makes my skin crawl, I have no idea if that’s normal for peri or not.

I think you need to be a little kinder to yourself. You've had so much going on and this is probably your mind processing it. You've probably changed as a person a little, and yes early 40s is a bit of an epiphany. The scales start falling away and you really stop giving a shit about minor things all of a sudden. It's liberating.

If you can, ask for help in RL. Make a point if only spending time with your champions and guardians. Do all the little things that bring you joy - a bubble bath, a natter, Netflix, a walk, flowers, volunteering.

Sounds like perimenopause. Get your bloods checked and take hrt if needed, you'll fee loads better

@BarrowInFurnessRailwayStation

I read an article that said, as women get older and our oestrogen levels decline, we're increasingly less inclined to put up with bullshit because oestrogen is the hormone that keeps us nice, friendly and compliant when we're younger. This is why middle aged women get a reputation for being a bit stroppy 😄

42 isn't really middle aged yet, but it can mark the beginning of hormone changes going into perimenopause.

Ah I am 42 next month. I feel this brewing.

The BUT WHY am I having to put up with such bullshit.

I’ve no answers for you. I’m 37 and can feel I’m going the same way.

People are just so damn annoying!!

I have felt the same. I used to be lovely when I was younger, always trying to help people, volunteering, a shoulder for people to cry on etc. Now I am just indifferent and irritable. I put it don to the menopause. After walking out on a second job in two years due to falling out with the manager, I decided I needed some HRT and do feel a little more rational for starting it ! Still have no tolerance for some things though. I have this friend who lives the most organized life planning everything to the very last detail for years in advance, the most perfect house, baby etc. It just makes me want to scream to the point where I know I've distanced myself from her. I feel mean but I just can't relate to her anymore.

I feel the same and I'm 35.

I've fallen out with a LOT of people recently. I keep thinking it must be me, but I genuinely cannot be arsed with all the bullshit anymore.

It's kinda sad , I wish I was all nice and warm again.

I'm the exact same - 59 post menopause.

I'm really missing wearing a mask that I could mutter and swear behind when someone or something annoyed me 😬

That said I still try to be kind and sympathetic - it's just a bit harder these days 😏

@TheYearOfSmallThings

I've been having immunotherapy treatment.

Just to check, are any of your treatments steroid based?

Came to ask this. Prednisolone makes me murderous with rage. You know how as a normal person if you hear about someone on steroids beating someone up you think, what a monster? Well on prescribed steroids you think ‘well, victim was probably breathing too heavily, tapping their fingers etc, they had it coming’ Lighthearted! But not. I spent much of those months dying to tell everyone all the things they were doing wrong.

Honestly I am in the same spot as you but I'm in my early 30s.
I think I've worked out why I'm so angry and its because of health reasons, I've been very poorly but always put a brave face on. I never talk about it often but on the very rare occasion I do, I feel rage, I listen and listen to other people moaning about a cold or uti - how they think they are dying and I try and put myself in their shoes and sympathise and think they don't know what being ill really is but it gets to a point where the rage consumes you.

I have been on a transplant list and had multiple organ failure and its brushed under the carpet like its a stomach ache.

I have over the years cut people off and now feel abit lonely but you know what, I think I prefer it to rage, I was sick to death of feeling like friendship is a one way street.

Surely it's covid/ Ukrainian war/ all the other shit in the world - it gets depressing ( for my DCs and DGCs future) .
Also life is more boring since covid - we haven't got back to doing as much as before.
Hopefully Spring/ Summer will lift spirits.
But I have no time for small whinges these days.

@Paperthin282

I used to be lovely, I always thought well of people, loved people, was kind and considerate. I'm now 42 and I just feel full of distain. People piss me off all the time, I feel like I've had an epiphany and realised that everyone is full of complete bullshit and I just can't deal with it anymore. I'm bottling the feelings up, no one knows what I actually think of them but I don't know how much longer I can keep it all in but then I'll end up with no friends!!

I think my mum is about the only person who I think isn't full of crap and DH is pretty sound around 80% of the time

Just as an example, my friend messaged me yesterday. She has covid (no symptoms) but is isolating in the house for a few days as she doesn't want her DH or DC to catch it. She's so upset, upset she can't touch or kiss her husband (🤢) upset she's missed a milestone for her DS (coulbnt take him to his enrollment in the cadets). I sent a nice response but inside I'm just thinking FFS it's 3 days!! Get a fucking grip!!

How do you get rid of the anger? Maybe I need to take up boxing or something, I feel so full up with it, it's horrible. I used to be so calm.

I dont know if I'm being irrational or I'm seeing the light!

Sounds like the menopause! If it is do take up your own suggestion and start the boxing as well as every decent health supplement you can as you need a great diet and you need exercise in menopause like a duck to water else the mood swings will do you in.

I think there's nothing wrong with your friend asking for compassion while she has Covid. What's wrong is that she hasn't been providing compassion to you with your health issues which sound a few magnitudes harder to deal with.

If the relationship is very one sided then I'd advise to either downgrade it to a more casual level of friendship or to ditch it. Your anger here is telling you something and I think you should take note and act on it.

I would agree - consider hormones
I have been a lot like this. I took sertraline for a while, which definitely did help, but that also pissed me off - because I didnt think I was actually depressed or anxious - so basically I was taking sertraine to be able to put up with everyone elses crap which seemed very unfair - and yes gave me the rage!
I have now started HRT, still trying to find the right dose/combination but it is helping (I did have other perimenopausal symptoms but the rage was a big one)
I do still think that genuiinely some of it is just having had enough of putting up with various sh*t for many many yeas, and not tolerating it any more - which is actually kind of a good thing!
(I'm 47 btw)

Caitlin Moran has covered this in one of her books … she reckons we don’t ‘get’ cranky in middle age, we always were! but we just gradually lose the ability to sweetly mask our real feelings and frustrations. Also - I think by our 40s we’ve collected so many acquaintances , that we are spread too thin- we get tired responding with ‘ooh/aah/congrats/poor thing’ on SM all day. Your pal is an attention seeker

@Paperthin282

SpinsForGin I agree I definitely am being mean but I just can't imagine crying because I haven't been able to kiss or touch my DH for 3 days. Truthfully I think it's a bit pathetic in the grand scheme of things. See, that's a horrible thing for me to think, I know it is!

Loopytiles good relationship with DH but life has shit on me from a great height for a few years now and no one apart from DH and my mum has really cared.

BarrowInFurnessRailwayStation I do feel like I've had a personality transplant on the inside at least. Maybe I need to get my hormone levels checked.

I was going to suggest hrt. Sounds very similar to how I was feeling. Everything just fucked me off Things people said I just couldn't stand I'd say things in my head back to them like oh bore off or for god sake get over yourself ! Hrt has calmed me down and made me a lot more tolerant of people in general. I could have killed people before

I am 45 and definitely have become less tolerant in the last few years.
Had a disagreement with a good friend last year and honestly l think l really took the wind out of her sails by not bowing down and apologisi g profusely as l would have done ten or twenty years ago.
I have always had a good network of friends but am as happy at home with a jigsaw puzzle and a good book than dealing with the politics of friendship groups that should have been left in the school playground.

I would be the same if my mate did that - luckily none of my mates are that ridiculous!!!