I'm so full of rage and hatred towards everyone, I'm turning it to a horrible, mean bitch!

[Paperthin282]

I used to be lovely, I always thought well of people, loved people, was kind and considerate. I'm now 42 and I just feel full of distain. People piss me off all the time, I feel like I've had an epiphany and realised that everyone is full of complete bullshit and I just can't deal with it anymore. I'm bottling the feelings up, no one knows what I actually think of them but I don't know how much longer I can keep it all in but then I'll end up with no friends!!

I think my mum is about the only person who I think isn't full of crap and DH is pretty sound around 80% of the time

Just as an example, my friend messaged me yesterday. She has covid (no symptoms) but is isolating in the house for a few days as she doesn't want her DH or DC to catch it. She's so upset, upset she can't touch or kiss her husband (🤢) upset she's missed a milestone for her DS (coulbnt take him to his enrollment in the cadets). I sent a nice response but inside I'm just thinking FFS it's 3 days!! Get a fucking grip!!

How do you get rid of the anger? Maybe I need to take up boxing or something, I feel so full up with it, it's horrible. I used to be so calm.

I dont know if I'm being irrational or I'm seeing the light!

@TheVanguardSix - yes! Love it!

Compassion fatigue?

I wouldn’t worry about it. Maturity and life experience are releasing you from the female people pleasers we’re conditioned to be.
Your friend sounds like an arse and you had every right to feel exasperated. Men in middle age strop around being arsey all day long and no one pulls them up, tells them they’re menopausal or stroppy or need therapy. Embrace the rage op. I’ve thinned down my friendship pool in recent years as I’ve realised you only need a few good people

@SpiderVersed

Allow me to whisper those three little words into your shell-like ear…

Hormone Replacement Therapy.

I had 6 years of being being a boiling vat of rage. Absolutely furious all the time, had no fucks to give for any of this shit. It was exhausting.

A week of the HRT patch and I was a new woman. Minor frustrations roll off me, and I can ignore or laugh at things that used to drive me mad. Life has vastly improved.

Have a word with your GP.

Yep....It could well be this. I nearly killed my husband with a frying pan - was in such a rage. He'd done nothing poor sod. Not sure why he stayed. I didn't actually hit him. but other way round you'd have all said LTB.

HRT - I'm more like the old me.

As I get older I still don't care nearly as much about stuff and people as I used to - but I don't have the rage.

@Paperthin282

EarringsandLipstick yes I feel like I want to climb to the top of a mountain and scream at the world!

Right, will book gp appointment. Thanks everyone and thankyou for not calling me an arse hole, I know I am one at the moment.

Best of luck!

perimenopause for sure!

I came to ask if you are me. I feel exactly the same and now am able to do a slow blink where I roll my eyes and no one knows 😁 I do this many times a day.
Seriously I think taking hrt was the best thing I did, sorry if you've answered this but could you be perimenapausal

Tbh I kinda want to stick up for your friend! I'm a really strong, resilient person normally. I'm hopeless when I'm ill. I've got covid now and I can't see my bf (we don't live together) and yes there have been tears.

HRT made a huge difference to my rage. Sertraline is a life source for me. I'm angry when I'm anxious.
I also no longer bother with people that don't bother with me and I never people please anymore

@Beefcurtains79

To be honest I think your mate sounds a bit pathetic too and I’d struggle to have much sympathy and respect for her, particularly with everything going on in the world at the moment. I’d actually probably tactfully distance myself, it doesn’t sound like she was there for you when you needed her either.

I have to say I agree with this.

But I'm mid-forties and I stopped giving many fucks years ago.

Men in middle age strop around being arsey all day long and no one pulls them up, tells them they’re menopausal or stroppy or need therapy.

Good point.

Sounds like peri menopause

I kind of feel like you. There are a lot of Karen's where I live. However I would have sympathy for your friend. It is a big deal having covid and it can make you emotional. Could it be hormone related? Radical drops in oestrogen the people pleasing hormone happen with perimenopause.

It’s 2 things

1. the cumulative effect of 40+ years of watching people lie, cheat, behave like shit whilst you behaved impeccably.

2. menopause

Embrace it. I am at the same stage. I used to be so polite, kind, accommodating, even sucking up nasty behaviour from mean people and turning the other cheek. Now though, I don’t tolerate any of it. If someone is rude to me, I’ll stare them down and be cutting and rude right back. I would never ever have behaved like this, but I’ve had enough. If something doesn’t suit me or I don’t want to do it, I won’t do it. I have no tolerance for shit basically. I’m not nasty to people who don’t deserve it, ever, but once they show that they are difficult or rude then they’re going to get that right back from me.

To be honest OP your friend needs to get a grip, I would feel the same as you too!

At 62 I found myself intolerant at general bullshit but also fairly understanding of some things. I was getting generally friend up of a permanently angry friend of mine, really fed up of her hateful remarks, but talked it over with someone else and realised she is like that with everyone, plus as she is in hospital, she is very frightened at the moment, so I am a bit more understanding!

I'm definitely far less tolerant than I was a few years ago (probably partly linked to the menopause) and whilst I wouldn't have felt rage with your friend I would have had a massive internal eyeroll at her.

I'm currently dealing with my dad being old, health obsessed and my DM and Dsis moaning about him all the time. The negativity from all three is driving me mad so I am deliberately turning into Pollyanna, only talking about neutral/positive stuff, cutting off conversation if it turns moany and it is becoming quite empowering!

Sorry you've had a bad few years OP, I think your reaction is understandable.

Honestly, this sounds like you could be peri-menopausal. Go to a doctor and see if they can help you!

Hahaha I feel exactly like you, op!

Everytime I have to remind myself to not say something negative.

1. the cumulative effect of 40+ years of watching people lie, cheat, behave like shit whilst you behaved impeccably.

^

This. And probably menopause too.

I've behaved like a fucking saint all my life. Never had a day off sick. Always doing my due diligence. Did I get rewarded? DID I FECK

I'm exactly the same OP and I completely agree about the eye rolling shite from your friend about not hugging her husband. 😒 Utterly pathetic. I think it's healthy to not stand for any crap. Don't worry about it. Just avoid other people as much as you can, is my technique!

Welcome to Peri-menopause. Get HRT so you can get your shit together. It doesn't have to be like this.

You are not alone. I'm probably not as angry but my tolerance of people, as I age, gets less and less.

Like you (and I'm 42), I was lovely, sat on the fence regularly and didn't like to upset people.

Now I just don't seem to care as much. Perhaps years of being too nice has sent me to the other end.

I'm sure the balance will return when I'm through the other side of menopause.

It's menopausal seeing the light.

You're not alone, OP. I'm not 40 yet but this shit has got to be from peri, right? Unfortunately I did go to the doctor's about it but apparently I'm too young... Which obviously just enhanced my rage