Tomorrow is my darling mums funeral, almost a month after she died. IVe not been too bad in the interim weeks, managing to hold it together fairly ok. But today I had to go out to do some food shopping, and also to collect mums floral wreath from the florist.
Did the shopping and decided to have a cup of tea in a cafe. There was a trio at one of the tables, obviously grandma, daughter and child. They looked so beautiful together and it hit me so hard that I'd never have days out with my mum again. I just welled up, and was trying so hard to not disturb anyone. However, the grandma noticed me and came over to ask if I was ok, and would I like to join them at their table. I did decline as I didn't want to put a damper on their morning, but she sat with me until I'd composed myself. What a lovely kind woman she was.
Then, making my way back to the car with mums wreath there was a car parked up with teenagers stood around it, and some sat in the car. As I walked past them several commented on how lovely the flowers were. I stopped, turned around and told them that they were for my mum, that she had died and that it's her funeral tomorrow. They were so kind, asked me about her, what she was like, etc, and two of them gave me a quick hug and said to take care tomorrow.
What lovely, lovely people - all of them. Even though I'm now in bits again, I was so heartened that they, total strangers could take the time to help me feel not alone. They will never know just how much I appreciated what they did today.
My not so kind family - haven't even asked how I am. But I suppose that having a not so 'D' father who prevented myself and mum from seeing each other for a number of years, and who has convinced much of my family that I'm a bad person, when all I did was stand up to his bullying and controlling ways, I was stupid to expect anything.
Well, tomorrow I'm about to stand up for myself and my mum by being there to say my goodbyes and how much I love her. She was an incredible woman and I miss her so very much.
Thank you for listening.