The kindness of Strangers and the cruelty of my so called family

[JasperJohnsPaintbrush]

Tomorrow is my darling mums funeral, almost a month after she died. IVe not been too bad in the interim weeks, managing to hold it together fairly ok. But today I had to go out to do some food shopping, and also to collect mums floral wreath from the florist.

Did the shopping and decided to have a cup of tea in a cafe. There was a trio at one of the tables, obviously grandma, daughter and child. They looked so beautiful together and it hit me so hard that I'd never have days out with my mum again. I just welled up, and was trying so hard to not disturb anyone. However, the grandma noticed me and came over to ask if I was ok, and would I like to join them at their table. I did decline as I didn't want to put a damper on their morning, but she sat with me until I'd composed myself. What a lovely kind woman she was.

Then, making my way back to the car with mums wreath there was a car parked up with teenagers stood around it, and some sat in the car. As I walked past them several commented on how lovely the flowers were. I stopped, turned around and told them that they were for my mum, that she had died and that it's her funeral tomorrow. They were so kind, asked me about her, what she was like, etc, and two of them gave me a quick hug and said to take care tomorrow.

What lovely, lovely people - all of them. Even though I'm now in bits again, I was so heartened that they, total strangers could take the time to help me feel not alone. They will never know just how much I appreciated what they did today.

My not so kind family - haven't even asked how I am. But I suppose that having a not so 'D' father who prevented myself and mum from seeing each other for a number of years, and who has convinced much of my family that I'm a bad person, when all I did was stand up to his bullying and controlling ways, I was stupid to expect anything.

Well, tomorrow I'm about to stand up for myself and my mum by being there to say my goodbyes and how much I love her. She was an incredible woman and I miss her so very much.

Thank you for listening.

What a blessing that you met these people yesterday ...take heart
Sending you a hand hold for today
Bless you xx

I’m glad you were able to take some comfort from these kind people. I’m so sorry for your horrible father and unsupportive family. Losing your mum is so hard, when I lost mine my world fell apart. I had quite a few people, whom I’d previously considered acquaintances really come through for me, they were amazing. Some closer friends and mums friends hardly reached out at all. Wishing you lots of love for the coming days, weeks, months. Grief is a hard and often lonely path.

Wishing you strength for today as you honour the mum you love.

I’m sorry for your loss OP. I hope everything goes ok today.

So sorry for your loss OP I hope that the kindness you received will keep you strong today too. Remember the majority of people there will know (or suspect) the man your father is. I hope today goes well

Well, it's a beautiful morning here, the kind of day that we would call each other and say 'day out?' And off we'd go. So this will be our final day out. just me and her in my thoughts of all the times we had together.

This was her favourite time of year gardening wise, with all the new growth and spring bulbs popping up. So I asked the florist to create a Spring garden wreath for her. It is stunning, exactly what I wanted. She's planted crocuses, narcissi, grape hyacinths, forget-me-nots and tiny irises amongst roses and greenery. It looks like a living carpet, just perfect for mum.

It's a long drive to the service - nearly 100 miles, so am setting off shortly and taking you all and your wonderful kind and uplifting messages with me. My partner is doing the driving as I really can't today. He's a quiet man, and has given his support quietly too. I'm truly thankful to you all..

I am thinking of you today and wishing you strength xx

Remarks on R3 about a Requiem, not sure this is complete:
Not the fear of death, but a peaceful continuation into everlasting life. A happy deliverance.
Wishing strength for you and DP.

@JasperJohnsPaintbrush What a truly wonderful tribute you have made to your mum in your words about her here - the love flows out in everything you write and that is such a powerful thing. Nothing can ever take those moments and memories away from you, and your lovely mum lives on in you.

Wishing you strength and peace today. The wreath sounds just beautiful, and utterly fitting to reflect your mum’s beautiful life.

Oh you have me in floods of tears, I'm so sorry for your loss but what lovely people who came along at just the right time xxx

You shared active love with your Mother. It is still in there and you can still carry on actively loving her day to day in the choices you make, the thoughts you have and the feelings you express.

Cherish that love you had and still have - your “D”F can’t steal that from you or tarnish it. Know that.

I hope the day goes as well as it can, and that lovely memories of your mum give you strength and comfort.

Thinking of you today 💐💐💐

Please know that you won't be alone today, lots of us will be thinking about you and your lovely mum. If it helps think of us as your virtual entourage, by your side like an invisible shield today as you honour your mum

Thinking of you and your lovely Mum. I'm glad that you came across such nice people. Wishing you strength today.

Wishing you all the very best and much strength today, JasperJohnsPaintbrush

She must have been an amazing Mum to raise such a strong and compassionate woman.

Good luck for tomorrow, its been nearly two years since my Mam died and its seeing people doing ordinary things gets to me too.

Bringing good memories of my own lovely mother today.

@Shiiiiiiiiiiitttt
I'm sorry this happened to you.

I could have written your post. Two years on ( this week) I am still feeling the lack of care. I suppose, in the end, you can only rely on yourself.

And the kindness of the people here

@JasperJohnsPaintbrush

I hope things are going as well as you hoped. We're here for you. KOKO

I'm so sorry for your loss. I remember feeling that terrible sadness whenever I saw women out with their mums. I was 36 when my lovely mum died, she was 72. My mum has been gone for many years now (1995) but I still miss her so much.

The very best of luck for tomorrow. Think of your mum and how much she meant to you, and do her proud. x

So sorry, I hadn't looked at your later post. I hope things went as well as possible and that you were able to speak about your mum x

I hope today you did your mum proud. I know you will have done.

There's a thread I've noticed on the Bereavement board and I thought of you. I've copied the details below.

For Anyone Needing Support After Losing a Parent. Very Supportive Thread (March 2022) ) www.mumsnet.com/Talk/bereavement/4493231-For-Anyone-Needing-Support-After-Losing-a-Parent-Very-Supportive-Thread-March-2022

Oh my! we only arrived back home an hour ago and have been sat with shoes kicked off, pot of tea, and some lovely chat about mum - my partner loved mums rhubarb and raspberry jam and considered her his honorary mum after losing his own many years ago.

I walked into the service wearing a multi coloured coat that she loved and that she asked me to wear for this occasion many years ago. I saw a few raised eyebrows and had quite a few comments about it, but once explained that she wanted bright joyful colours they loved the idea too.
I've spent the day talking about mum to everyone I could. Not as the person they knew - work colleague, relation or friend, but as my MUM, and the antics we got up to together, because it's a side that no one knew of because they weren't there with us. We had quite a few 'you couldn't make it up' moments - a couple of quite hair-raising ones, and several ridiculously bonkers ones too.

And now I've come home to find you all here, with your messages of kindness and shared love of all our mums. Thank you, thank you so very much.

I'm going to miss her immensely, even more so now that I know that she's no longer just 'down the road', though in latter years that road has been almost a 100 miles long.
But I have the skills she taught me - knitting, sewing, baking, gardening to name a few. I carry her voice and image in my mind, and best of all I've been told by so many today, just how much I look like her. What a compliment!

Sending love to all you mums and those of you with mums still in your lives, and those who remember your darling mums as I do.

Thank you.x.

I'm so glad it was a positive experience and that you got the opportunity to remember your mum in a way that was good for you! I know this was a day you were dreading, but it seems you've come away with some more memories to treasure.