The kindness of Strangers and the cruelty of my so called family

[JasperJohnsPaintbrush]

Tomorrow is my darling mums funeral, almost a month after she died. IVe not been too bad in the interim weeks, managing to hold it together fairly ok. But today I had to go out to do some food shopping, and also to collect mums floral wreath from the florist.

Did the shopping and decided to have a cup of tea in a cafe. There was a trio at one of the tables, obviously grandma, daughter and child. They looked so beautiful together and it hit me so hard that I'd never have days out with my mum again. I just welled up, and was trying so hard to not disturb anyone. However, the grandma noticed me and came over to ask if I was ok, and would I like to join them at their table. I did decline as I didn't want to put a damper on their morning, but she sat with me until I'd composed myself. What a lovely kind woman she was.

Then, making my way back to the car with mums wreath there was a car parked up with teenagers stood around it, and some sat in the car. As I walked past them several commented on how lovely the flowers were. I stopped, turned around and told them that they were for my mum, that she had died and that it's her funeral tomorrow. They were so kind, asked me about her, what she was like, etc, and two of them gave me a quick hug and said to take care tomorrow.

What lovely, lovely people - all of them. Even though I'm now in bits again, I was so heartened that they, total strangers could take the time to help me feel not alone. They will never know just how much I appreciated what they did today.

My not so kind family - haven't even asked how I am. But I suppose that having a not so 'D' father who prevented myself and mum from seeing each other for a number of years, and who has convinced much of my family that I'm a bad person, when all I did was stand up to his bullying and controlling ways, I was stupid to expect anything.

Well, tomorrow I'm about to stand up for myself and my mum by being there to say my goodbyes and how much I love her. She was an incredible woman and I miss her so very much.

Thank you for listening.

I will be thinking of you tomorrow @JasperJohnsPaintbrush.

It costs nothing to be kind ,I hope those strangers know what a difference those few minutes have done for you xx

It sounds as if you have worked out everything that is in your range to understand.

Some of the days ahead will be tough but if left to yourself it will taper off a bit, you will be surprised by the time you have spare. Will you have practical tasks like disposing of things to do. Share the load where possible even if you wish to stay in charge.
Beware the 12 months anniversary, it sneaked up on me.
You are in my prayers.
Do make tomorrow a celebration.

I am so sorry for your loss of your darling Mum, and how your last time with her was so tainted by her husband.

I'm glad strangers saw your pain, and gave you their love, comfort, and strength as you grieve.

Good luck for tomorrow, 'to thine ownself be true'. . . Hopefully then you can focus on grieving and recovering.

Op sincerest sympathy on the loss of your precious Mum. Please make sure you have someone with you at the funeral that you can lean on if necessary….

I am so sorry for the loss of your dear mum and I wish you lots of love and strength for tomorrow what lovely, kind people you have been around today, I hope they have given you some strength

I’m so sorry for your loss but I’m glad the universe sent you some kindness today x

@MrsBerthaRochester

So sorry for your loss. Counselling really helped me understand the conditioning of thinking we will get love from our families and the devastation it causes when you dont. Have you had any therpapy as it may help? I tried to kill myself last year. Am estranged from most of my family and was told by others just to "pull myself together". My own dad wouldnt give me a hug as to scared of catching covid. Thank god for my best friend as without her I wouldnt be here.

Thank you for your kind words, and O hope you have found kindness too.

I too have an incredible friend who has kept me going with messages, chats, and wonderful missives through the post. She lost her mum only 5 months ago, so our bond is very strong in supporting each other. We live quite a distance apart, but we hope to meet up soon to sing loudly, rejoice in, and remember both our darling mums together.

The kindness of strangers is found everywhere - no less than here amongst the nest of supposed vipers who actually are really warm, caring and thoughtful people. The best.
Everyone of you have really made a difference to me since I first posted earlier this evening. You have given me time from your day to do so, and I shall carry all of your words as a cape of supportive solidarity with me tomorrow.

Thank you.

I wish you all the strength in the world for tomorrow. You and your mum had a wonderful relationship and were clearly the light of each other's lives. You're carrying that light now, and today you found out that there are lots of people out there who are just like you. After tomorrow, walk away from the people you just happen to share genes with and fill your life with people like the ones you met today.

Other people have said it so much better, but I will be thinking of you tomorrow and sending you much love and strength 💖 xx

OP I can’t add much to these eloquent replies!

It says a lot about you that the kindness of strangers is overriding your pain of losing your mum. Recognising the good rather than holding yourself on the bad. It’s a great outlook.

The next few months will be hard in many ways. But you’ve got this. Hope tomorrow gives you what you need it to.

I'm so sorry about your Mum. I'm glad those people were nice to you. I really think most people are nice.
Good luck with tomorrow. 🌸🌼🌸🌼

Make her proud, OP. I’m sure you will.

So sorry for your loss, OP. Will be thinking of you tomorrow

I'm so sorry for your loss. It's such a hard time. We'll be here, in your phone, if you want a hand hold.

Afterwards, you may find this helpful. There are a lot of us here.

For Anyone Needing Support After Losing a Parent. Very Supportive Thread (March 2022) ) www.mumsnet.com/Talk/bereavement/4493231-For-Anyone-Needing-Support-After-Losing-a-Parent-Very-Supportive-Thread-March-2022

💐💐💐
So sorry for your loss. I hope tomorrow goes smoothly.

I’m so sorry for your loss, and glad you found kind strangers when you needed them most. Wishing you strength tomorrow. 🌹

I hope tomorrow goes well OP.
It sounds like you had a lovely relationship with your mum.
I'd love for my dd to remember me so fondly. I bet your mum was super proud of you.

I’m so sorry for your loss, your darling mum was so lucky to have you, and she’d be so proud of you.

Lots of shit people have families sadly, and make the lives of those around them unpleasant and worse. It’s no reflection on you, you stand proud

💐💐💐💐💐💐💐💐💐💐💐🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗you are a star you mum would be so proud of you.

Thinking of you today OP. So glad you encountered kind people yesterday.
Stay strong.

So sorry for your loss OP. Thinking of you today

I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope today goes as you planned. For what it's worth, I don't think that those who love us ever leave us. 💐