The worst present someone could ever give you...

[FuckThatBullshit]

It's Sunday and I'm bored! I'll go first:

A kindle. Can't beat a good old fashioned page turning book

A puppy. Absolutely no chance

A spa day. Prefer rollercoasters!

A personalised registration plate. They make my eyeballs cringe

Anything with my name on.

Pissecco - I absolutely bloody hate the stuff.

Perfume. Instamigraine.

A dog. To me, that would be like gifting me 20 years worth of excrement. No thanks.

Any sort of beauty-related experience, having my "colours done" or whatever the fuck that is.

Any present clearly designed to improve me, like a course of sports lessons or a gym membership.

Perfume or “bath smellies”. Hate fragrances/smells 🤢 they all smell absolutely vile to me and unnatural. Clearly in my time I have received many of such generic unwanted gifts!

A human shit in a pink glittery gift box.

Any of that diamanté or crushed velvet shite.

A scented candle or a reed diffuser. I had a number in the bottom of the wardrobe DD regifted them to ex's family

Alcohol. I am teetotal. I am sick of people giving me a bloody bottle of wine!

Perfume (unless I've asked for it specifically).

Food hampers.

Toiletries.

Cheap prosecco
A dog
A charm bracelet

A male friend tried to give me tanning salon vouchers for my birthday. I dress gothy, with complexion to match.

Ah yes a pandora charm bracelet, that should have made the list! Juvenile shite

Flowers

Itch-inducing bath products

A cat

Tickets to somewhere far too hot

Anyone who gifts my toddler a slime kit is no longer a friend 🙊

For my birthday last year, DH’s “gift” was to say that I could go out for a whole evening with my friends and he’d hold the fort at home. Our kids were 4, 2, and a 3 month old EBF baby who had never accepted a bottle. There was no way I could take him up on that offer, so basically his gift was nothing. Or worse than nothing, because at least if he’d given me nothing he’d have looked like the bad guy, but instead I was the neurotic one for not being ready to leave the baby.

Typically DH is wonderful, but I have to admit I’m still bitter about that one!

Bamboo socks. I fucking hate those thin, synthetically over-soft little bastards.

Chrysanthemums. No better way to say ‘I don’t love you’.

Flowers. I know they're pretty but I just see them as clutter and work.

A tarantula
A Yankee Candle

Anything made of wool.

I have major sensory issues around clothes, and it would be the equivalent of handing me an envelope full of wasps.

Jimmy Choos. I cannot wear high heels and view them as instruments of torture.

Moussaka. Loathe aubergines.

A coffee machine. I'm a tea drinker.

An audi. Or a BMW. No thanks, I want a car with indicators that work.

Alcohol. Can’t stand the stuff.

Perfume. They all smell like vodka to me.

A trip to Go Ape or similar. No chance.

A massage.
Tickets to the Lion King.