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Original poster

When does being a mum get easier

97 replies

mumtobee22 · 13/03/2022 14:24

I thought I would be over this by now as he's getting older but it seems I'm getting worse. I love my baby to pieces he's 7 months and I adore him but sometimes I really do miss my old life. I miss my freedom as a 21 year old. I miss going out, I miss having spare time, I miss doing the little things. My days are so boring I sit in the house all day long and do absolutely nothing just sit with baby. There's nothing to do. I'm counting down the days until he's on his feet and I'm able to take him places. The days just seem to be dragging in and it's really getting me down. I used to be a lovely size and I had a lovely figure now I absolutely hate my weight which is getting me down also. I hate my new body. Counting down the days until baby is older but they days seem to be dragging in. When does it get easier

OP posts:

Squiff70 · 13/03/2022 14:34

They are so little for such a short time. Enjoy him whilst he's tiny. Read to him, sing to him, play with him. Show him things and tell him what they are. It's so sad that you're wishing his babyhood away like this.

It doesn't get easier I don't think. It just gets different with each life stage.

AHungryCaterpillar · 13/03/2022 14:35

I found mine easier when they were babies, so it’s different for everyone
do you have any support?

Waxonwaxoff0 · 13/03/2022 14:38

@Squiff70

It doesn't get easier I don't think. It just gets different with each life stage.

Oh stop. Some people don't enjoy the baby and toddler years, I didn't. You don't really know what it's going to be like until you have a baby.

OP, honestly for me it was when DS started talking properly as then we could communicate better. He started doing 15 hours of nursery at 2 years old which gave me a bit of a break and time to myself. He's about to turn 9 and I absolutely love motherhood now, he's more independent, we can do more "grown up" things, have proper conversations, enjoy days out and holidays. The baby and toddler years were not fun for me and I don't wish for those years back. Hang on in there, it does not last forever.

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LadyMacduff · 13/03/2022 14:38

Sorry squiif, but that's a really annoying platitude to trot out when someone is struggling.

OP, i hate the baby stage. It's boring. Yes, the cuddles are nice but apart from that I didn't find it enjoyable at all.

I enjoy being a mum more now that i've got a 4 and 2 yo, especially the 4yo. He doesn't need watching every second of the day, he can tell me what he wants/likes/dislikes, he has interests, we can go out for the day, he has an understanding of basic action and consequence, he sleeps 7-7... it's great tbh.

guiltyregrets · 13/03/2022 14:41

I'm sorry to say this but it doesn't get any easier. The difficult just changes to a different kind of difficult. I'm fact mentally it gets harder and they all bicker like mad. I have 3 dc and most of the time I am pulling my hair out for one reason or another. Honestly? If I could go back I might have stopped at one. I feel so so ungrateful saying this but most days it's how I feel! They are very much loved and looked after , before some smart arse comes along and asks me why I had three.

The only good advice I can give which really helps me is to carve out as much 'you time' as is possible, try to get someone to babysit and hit the gym, get yourself some new clothes, try to meet up with old friends.

And then wish and pray they turn out decent adults you can actually enjoy once they're all the way grown not everyone loves the baby stage or the toddler stage and nobody loves the teenage stage! So be kind to yourself x

GregBrawlsInDogJail · 13/03/2022 14:42

You need to start getting out. Go to local playgroups, go for walks, go shopping, go to an art gallery or baby cinema if that's your bag, but just strap up your little one and go. That'll help a lot.

RandomMess · 13/03/2022 14:42

About 25 years IME

GregBrawlsInDogJail · 13/03/2022 14:45

Ps. My 7yo was fracking HARD WORK as a baby and toddler. He's now a delight who can be reasoned with, is curious and passionate about the world, can read a book on his own and of course dress, feed and toilet himself. He is great.

girlmom21 · 13/03/2022 14:45

OP you need to get out and about. It's so much easier when you're out than it is being at home, in my opinion.

Contact your local sure start centre. They'll have free baby groups.

Different things are easier at different stages. Are you on maternity leave or not?

ikeairgin · 13/03/2022 14:45

@RandomMess

About 25 years IME

@22 years and hanging on by my fingernails, good to know

Hugasauras · 13/03/2022 14:45

You def need to get out and about. Baby classes are often more for parents than the babies; I found they gave me more of a structure to my days and week and broke the day up. Do you do anything like that? Do you have any friends who have babies who you could meet for coffee or have lunch dates etc? Getting out for a walk and fresh air every day is good for the soul too! I used to grab a hot choc from the local cafe and walk with pram.

Roadhouse111 · 13/03/2022 14:48

Ah OP it does get easier I promise. There will always be challenges as a parent, but those baby days can absolutely grind you down, especially as it still feels like a shock to the system. For me, it was when my kids went to school, and became a bit more independent, like being able to dress themselves, or get themselves a snack/drink.
My two are 8 and 11 now and they are a dream, it's the puppy who has put me back to square one and she'll never mature 😂
When you finally get used to parenthood, when you have mentally accepted it, it will fall into place.
I hope you have support, 'me time is so important, I remember spending a couple of hours in the bath quite a few times a week while my DP did the bedtime routine and it was great. Grandparents to have them for a sleepover every now and again, you need to make sure you are having time for yourself.

Dolphinnoises · 13/03/2022 14:49

I would say 7 months is a real low point. It picks up considerably, quite soon. There begins to be a point to baby groups, then there is school / nursery which gives you some breathing space. Hang in there. My two are currently having a play date and are somewhere in the house. Not sure where but at 12 and 9 I’ll hear if I’m needed

Roadhouse111 · 13/03/2022 14:49

Also I made sure I got put every single day, a walk with baby in the pram, stop at a coffee shop, baby groups should be back up and running, I went to a few mums and tots in the local churches and community centres.

yummyeclair · 13/03/2022 14:59

What helped me was being out with baby for walks and runs most week days no matter what the weather. Started with 30 mins and built up to 1hour. It does get better but it is easier if you have a 'hobby' of your own. I listened to music/podcasts , learnt a language literally in 10 minute blocks. The trick is to have something else to focus on as well. I had 2 babies 15 months apart and going outside everyday saved my sanity. Give it a go.

Echobelly · 13/03/2022 15:05

I agree that actually being out and about easier than staying at home. He doesn't need to be mobile for you to be out and about with him, in fact it's rather easier to get out before they're mobile, he needs to see other surroundings just as much as you do, so you really will be doing yourself a favour, even if it's just a walk around the block.

daisypond · 13/03/2022 15:05

I found babies easy, toddlers hard, primary age easy, teens mixed bag. The most stressful and worrying has been when they’re adults.

NicotineQueen223 · 13/03/2022 15:08

It definitely gets easier, I had my babies at 18 and 20 and at times definitely felt like you do now. I am now 28 and things feel so much easier, now they are older they do a lot of stuff for themselves, have slept through the night for years and they can get up on their own on a morning so I can sleep in. I didn't have much family help when they were younger but now they are older and much easier to look after, family are happy to have them for the occasional sleep over and often take them for days out etc so I can have some free time. I've even had a couple of child-free weekends away abroad, which when they were babies I thought would be out of the question! They are at school so I can work, I started studying at open university when they were young too to give me something to focus on. Done 6 years part time and will graduate this year. You are so young and have your whole life ahead of you, and I promise it does get easier, hang in there take any help you can get and try to meet other mum friends, sleep when you can and be kind to yourself. I remember yearning for my freedom but it does come back, albeit slowly. Big hugs x

Original poster

mumtobee22 · 13/03/2022 15:12

I do try to get out but it's hard when the weather doesn't be the best and there's not much to do around here. I do attend a baby group once a week which does help a lot!

OP posts:

MazzleDazzle · 13/03/2022 15:15

I couldn’t get childcare, so took a cater break at the end of my maternity leave until DS was 3. He was my youngest, my last baby, so I really wanted to enjoy it. Everyone used to say how lucky I was that I could afford to take a career break - ‘Oooo lucky you! Quite right. Enjoy him while he’s young!’.

He screamed like a banshee most days.

It gets easier when they can amuse themselves and sleep through the night. Although, parenting has many challenges regardless of their age. I used to think I’d have it sussed by the time they were 8-10. In some ways it’s harder as they get older.

Heatherjayne1972 · 13/03/2022 15:23

The answer is it never gets easier
The needs of the child change so somethings do get easier
But then other challenges arise

feweekstogo · 13/03/2022 15:25

That's the age they are easier at! It's get bloody worse at they start walking and talking back to you believe me.

TheWayTheLightFalls · 13/03/2022 15:26

The biggest, hairiest "Fuck off" from me. There's probably someone out there who responds to this kind of sanctimonious twaddle with "Ah - I have seen the light. Heretofore I was bored shitless, starved of adult company and spending three hours a day scraping Annabel Karmel's finest off the walls/floor/ceiling. But now I shall Enjoy Every Moment."

... but most of us don't.

ancientgran · 13/03/2022 15:28

50 year veteran here. I'm still waiting.

Platinumclouds · 13/03/2022 15:30

Primary school age is good. So 5 - 11. After that it goes downhill again and teens are hell on Earth. But you will get through it.

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