When does being a mum get easier

[mumtobee22]

I thought I would be over this by now as he's getting older but it seems I'm getting worse. I love my baby to pieces he's 7 months and I adore him but sometimes I really do miss my old life. I miss my freedom as a 21 year old. I miss going out, I miss having spare time, I miss doing the little things. My days are so boring I sit in the house all day long and do absolutely nothing just sit with baby. There's nothing to do. I'm counting down the days until he's on his feet and I'm able to take him places. The days just seem to be dragging in and it's really getting me down. I used to be a lovely size and I had a lovely figure now I absolutely hate my weight which is getting me down also. I hate my new body. Counting down the days until baby is older but they days seem to be dragging in. When does it get easier

Oh gosh, are people really coming onto this thread saying “it never gets easier”?

OP, you’re at the point where, for me, things got a lot better. My daughter could sit up and entertain herself a lot more and weaning and moving onto meals have the days a lot now structure. Her personality started to develop, her naps got more reliable and things got less mundane and repetitive.

Unless you are somewhere where it’s non-stop wind and rain, you need to get outside. It makes the day go SO much quicker, even popping to the shops or the post office. Day after day inside with a small baby would drive anyone insane.

My daughter is nearly three and I still
maintain that the first 6 months or so we’re the worst and I enjoyed every subsequent stage more and more. Now is definitely my favourite so far.

Good luck - you’ve got this x

@ancientgran

50 year veteran here. I'm still waiting.

Can we stop with these really unhelpful responses to a young mom asking for help?

My days are so boring I sit in the house all day long and do absolutely nothing just sit with baby
You need to be doing things. Of course staying in and sitting with a baby is hard and boring. Just sitting in without the baby would be boring too.

You need more structure to your day. Contact local sports / health centre / GP and ask if they know what baby groups are on in your area. Try the local Facebook page. Email the NCT and see if they have anything nearby. Ask at the other baby group you attend what other people do.If you can swim, can you take baby swimming once a week? Ask some of the mums at the baby group you attend if there is already / or if anyone wants to start a walking group with you once a week at the local park. And hour powerwalk for mums with the babies in the pram.

once you attend one group, it is easier to find out about others.

God those days were boring.
I went back to work pt at four months for a break. Now 19 and never a single regret. It saved my mental health.
Is that not on the cards?

I reckon about now... For me 6/7 months was a bit of a turning point and it got steadily better from there (dd now 13 months).
but I agree with others that you need to get out of the house! Babies are super boring, so I needed to make plans to meet friends or I'd have lost the plot entirely.

As soon as I went back to work. I worked part time from around 7 months. I enjoyed work and enjoyed time with my baby more as I had a chance to miss him.

Maybe the trick is to reàlise it doesn't get easier, so you have to adjust your life and schedule so that your children are not your whole life, but only a small part of it.
So work, hobbies, friends, self development need to be cultivated as well.
Easier said than done I know. I'm 15 years into motherhood and have been astonished at how boring, relentless, thankless and limiting it can be. It has felt like a deprecation of liberty (single parent).
If I started again now, I wouldn't give so much up as it's been a road to profound unhappiness and dissatisfaction.
I'm starting now though...

Deprivation

@NewMum0305 yes people are really coming on this thread to say 'it never gets easier' because that's their own experience and people are allowed to share their experiences

@Toloveandtowork I feel exactly the same. I feel so awful and guilty to admit it though. Not a single parent but dh isn't around much and our lives are quite disintegrated when it comes to the kids

Once they’re fully toilet trained it gets a lot easier. Once they start schools it gets even easier. Yes, there are always challenges but they change. My DS is now 8 and my main challenge now is helping him catch up on his phonics, apart from that being a mum is breeze compared to when he was a baby/toddler. It does depend on the child’s personality though. Hang in there and try to get some time to yourself every week if possible.

I kind of agree. I had my first baby last year May when I had just turned 22 (my birthday's in April). 3 months later I got pregnant again and I'm now expecting my second next month.

I too sit in the house with DD all day and hardly do much. I've had PGP this pregnancy so I can't even go on the floor and play with her. I often think about my life pre Covid when all I did was go clubbing, spent all my times with my friends and put all my energy into working. Now I feel like a different person😂 my DD is only 10 months and I often think about when she turns 2 and gets free hours from the government to go nursery. She isn't even 1 yet and I'm already counting down!

Does it ever get easier? I don't think so. It seems that you just move onto the next phase of your child's life but I'm sure managing being a mum and having a child will get easier. You'll get used to it and will get into a routine. Especially as we'll be in Summer soon so you can hopefully go outside daily. You've (or should I say we've) got this!

I'd definitely check for more baby groups in your area.
I find that being at home all day is really bad for my mental health so I take my kids to groups/parks/swimming/classes every day in the week. Even if we just spend a morning out, it's so beneficial.

7mo is a bit dreary tbf. It’s a real slog in that stage when you’re constantly cleaning the same 3 metre square of food splattered floor and wall over and over each day.

And the tail end of winter is hard anyway.
The weather will pick up soon and you’ll be able to get out and about soon. Even if you only walk to the shop for a pint of milk, it helps to get out in the green and blue every day.

I found it very isolating - I didn’t enjoy baby groups, and was sleeping really badly. I was fortunate to make friends with another mum who was on a mission to cultivate friends so I started going to events and meeting others and just getting a bit of variety.

Hang in there.

Babies are boring. Super cute but not always fun!
Personally I think it does get easier, of course every age brings challenge, but once you're getting more sleep and able to look after yourself better too - that helps!
I loved my DD to distraction, but was still bored and found babyhood very isolating. Toddler years were great fun actually and getting to know this little person was great.
By the time she was 2/3 we could do so much more and by the time she was ready for school I could have happily kept her at home!
I've enjoyed every age with mine. But you are forever changed by being a parent. I miss the carefree part of my life but DD has brought such a lot to my life it was worth it.
Don't feel bad about feeling it's a bit shit sometimes - it is! But make sure you look after yourself too, you are more than 'just' a mother.

Babies are boring as shit. YYY to getting out every day. Look into libraries, church playgroups, baby swimming classes (takes a bit of getting used to logistics wise but once you get the hang it’s brilliant), just going for a walk, whatever’s going on.

DD is 9 and I found every stage to be easier than the one before. Fully expecting that to change soon, but for the past 3 years or so we’ve had proper fun together: holidays (nothing swish, static caravans, camping etc) day trips, cinema, meals out.

It gets easier when they’re old enough to look after themselves. At 3 they go to nursery and you get 2hrs a day back. At 5 they go to school and you get 6hrs a day back. By about 7 you can take them to weekend hobbies and leave them there all day. By 10 they’ll go up to their bedroom to play computer games all evening and you’ll hardly see them. And by 13 they’ll go out and you won’t even have them in the house any more.

You need to get out op.

Why are you sitting at home doing nothing? I don't mean that goadily, but is there a reason?

With the benefit of hindsight, one non moving baby is actually your best chance of doing whatever you want. If they're small enough, you can strap them to you, and literally do whatever you want. If you've no money, you can walk and walk, visit free museums. If you have money you can travel, sight see. Your only role is to keep them alive really, you don't need to entertain them as such, just get out and do whilst you can.

Is tough in winter when you can't just put a blanket down in the park. I'd say it gets easier to entertain them around 10mo when they're crawling well and they seem to interact a little more. Then things like museums, libraries, zoos, parks and playgrounds for when they start walking.
I had a little music class and hartbeeps when my boy was 6mo+ and tried to organise playdates with other mums nearby at home when weather was rubbish.
Try and get some playgroups or baby classes in the diary each week as even in summer the weather isn't guaranteed!!

@mumtobee22 it gets easier, the challenges change and they are always there but it gets easier. They start having reason, you learn as you go. I didn’t do all the baby groups and soft play (I had a biter) I had pnd and stayed home but took them to nursery and they moved on to school.

Today I have two best friends, these amazing people I go for lunch with, work with and confide in. There’s still things I have to help with, things that worry us, times that are upsetting but over time the sanity returns and the relentless tiredness and god forsaken constant need to be on duty passes.

I’ve noticed that these posts are often from parents with babies around the same age, it’s a bloody hard time, you don’t have to deny that or pretend it’s all roses. It’s bloody hard, really bloody hard. It does pass.

I actually am curious if it’s even harder now, internet was in its infancy when I had my babies, but now it’s all sm posts with perfect happy families, babies in immaculate clothes, perfect homes. That’s not real but I imagine it’s a bloody kick in the gut to new mums just trying to get enough sleep never mind having an insta life.

You miss your freedom at 21, I understand that, I had my first just before I turned 21. As an old bird at 41, I’m now getting the best of both worlds, I’m young enough to have partied in London last night, can go where I want when I want and the kids can look after the dog and house or come and party with me. I promise you can do this, you are stronger and more resilient than you know and one day, when you are as old as me you will be sat at a table, sharing food and wine, and teasing that baby for all the hard work they are.

For me it got loads easier at 2.5, again at 3.5 and again at 4.5. Being able to talk properly with them and reason helps so much.

OP I think you've had some great replies but I was you.

I hated the baby phase. Loved my baby but hated parenting him. I was bored, longed for my old life and felt like every day was a rerun of the previous, I did all the things I should and showered him with love but I didn't feel like I really enjoyed it.

Then he started crawling...then walking...then talking...and his personality grew and grew.

He's now 2 and we have another 8 week old which I NEVER thought I'd do.

I've come to the simple realisation (like others on this thread) that I just don't enjoy the baby phase. And because I didn't enjoy it, I found it bloody hard work!

It's still hard work with a 2 year old but I love it all. I can't wait for my DS to come into our room in the morning with his cheery smile and tell me about his cars.

This realisation honestly also changed how I felt about myself. Im not a shit mum-just one who thrives in toddlerhood.

Now I'm much more confident with DS2 who's a newborn. I do find myself looking forward to his personality developing but I don't wish his babyhood away as much as I know what's coming and how much I'll enjoy it.

Good luck OP!

I havent got there yet. I have a 13 and 14 year olds.

@ancientgran

50 year veteran here. I'm still waiting.

Yes, I agree, the stages change and bring other stresses, but once you are a mum, the worry never stops.