When does being a mum get easier

[mumtobee22]

I thought I would be over this by now as he's getting older but it seems I'm getting worse. I love my baby to pieces he's 7 months and I adore him but sometimes I really do miss my old life. I miss my freedom as a 21 year old. I miss going out, I miss having spare time, I miss doing the little things. My days are so boring I sit in the house all day long and do absolutely nothing just sit with baby. There's nothing to do. I'm counting down the days until he's on his feet and I'm able to take him places. The days just seem to be dragging in and it's really getting me down. I used to be a lovely size and I had a lovely figure now I absolutely hate my weight which is getting me down also. I hate my new body. Counting down the days until baby is older but they days seem to be dragging in. When does it get easier

I found this age really tricky and boring too. It did get better fast! Everyone said life would be over when he started walking but it made things soooo much easier as we spend a lot of time just walking around (places I liked)

It’s gets better by the day from now…

I really didn’t enjoy the first year, especially the first 4 months (colic and sleep deprivation) and the last 4 months (exceedingly angry baby and sleep deprivation). Two major turning points for me:

11 months - going back to work
15 months - DS learnt to walk and started talking pretty rapidly.

I know a lot say it only gets harder, but for us it has got infinitely easier from 15 months onwards. We are about to hit 2 so it might all change, but parenting 1-2 has been such a better experience than parenting 0-1. It’s okay to not enjoy the baby stage despite the bollocks people spout about it.

The only thing I’d pick up from your OP is the fact you are staying in all day. I’d recommend not doing this. Get out as much as you can to fill the time, otherwise you’ll spiral. Baby groups at churches cost very little, 50p-£2. There are often free sessions at libraries or community centres. Go for walks and to the park. Just get out the house would be my advice.

I've got a 3 month old, we got to classes, meet with friends, go for walks... if I'm in the house all day we both go abit crazy! My health visitor gave me a list of childrens centre that does free courses can you look online and see if there are any? There's also an app called peanut which is like tinder for mums.. I've met quite a few people from there! Motherhood can be very lonely so it's important you get out itl be good for both of you x

@TheWayTheLightFalls I think that’s the best post I’ve seen on mumsnet.. ever.

I also give it a big FUCK OFF.
It’s only said by people who can’t remember or didn’t experience absolute fucking torture.

After BFing 10 times per night for THREEE fucking months my old 75 year old sexist uncle shook his head and said ‘you don’t need a break, these are the best years of your life’ as I wept on the floor. I’ve never wanted to slap someone more.

Some people have no idea. Some people do have an idea but their brain has blocked it out, it’s literally biologically programmed to do that so you continue pro creating. I mean why else would we do it more than once like absolute max heads 😂.

It’s totally ok to be bored, sitting in the house essentially on your own is boring.. nobody is going to pretend it isn’t. Go out, even if it’s raining, they won’t melt, or come to any harm if you break the day up with a walk to the shop.

I once walked past two closer shops to get recycling bags because I had 2 hours until my next adult interaction. Killed over an hour it was great.

@FTEngineerM I used to do all my errands as inefficiently as possible on mat leave #1 because I was so desperate for stuff to fill up the day.

I hear you.

Now he's the best size to "take him places"; in a buggy with all the stuff you need. It's much harder when they get old enough to run about but still get tired and want to be carried. and are damn heavy.

Nothing to do? Read books, make something, learn to do something new

It doesn’t get easier. Every stage has its challenges. There’s loads you could be doing though, going out for walks, meeting up with friends, going to baby classes, going to baby groups. You can enjoy music, television, shopping. There’s no reason for anyone who is fit and well to have to sit in a house all day with a baby

@Squiff70

They are so little for such a short time. Enjoy him whilst he's tiny. Read to him, sing to him, play with him. Show him things and tell him what they are. It's so sad that you're wishing his babyhood away like this.

It doesn't get easier I don't think. It just gets different with each life stage.

This does not help someone struggling. It just makes them feel more guilty and sad.

Honestly, it never gets easier. It changes but it’s no easier. The toll becomes less physical and more mental as they become adults imo. Basically, you’re in it for the long haul - take one day at a time and do something different for you every day. It could be a walk, could be a coffee shop, could be a baby group, could be painting your nails. This is how it is so find joy in what you can and new things will come along

When they're about 22 if you're lucky!

@guiltyregrets well I think it’s an incredibly shitty and selfish thing to say to a mum who is clearly struggling and looking for support.

If people want a place to vent about the neverending doom and stress of being a mum, they should start their own thread.

I cannot imagine how I would have felt in the early days of being a mum when I was struggling if I had posted asking when it got better and a whole bunch of people came on and said “NEVER! It’s always AWFUL.”

7 months is tiny and hard. It gets better when they are about 4 as they can talk and do fun things.

It definitely DOES get easier. I was so tired and so bored for YEARS. It starts easing up when they go to school. After that every year gets easier and easier. And more enjoyable.

Fuck the 'they're so tiny for such a short time, enjoy it or you'll be sorry!' brigade. That is total bullshit. I do look back now and think ah they were so cute! Do i want a baby hanging off me again? No fucking way.

It DOES get so so much better. You will get you back. Promise.

It certainly got easier for me. My turning points were going back to work (at about 8 months old for each DC), them talking properly, once they were both in primary school, once they were both in secondary school (no more childcare is a major, major liberating moment, as is no more babysitting in the evenings and just leaving them). The harder years were when they were in different stages (one in nursery one in primary then one in secondary one in primary). I'd say where you are now is definitely one of the low points, it really does get better. Hang on in there. I definitely agree about getting out every day, even for just a walk to the shops or park.

My mum once said that babies look so terribly cute but you're just too tired to enjoy it.

I agree with that. I love looking at pictures of dd when she was more tiny, but I couldn't do that exhaustion again, it was hellish.

Op, I still hadn't taken the time to shave my legs at 7 months, it gets better soon.

I found it tedious and stressful between ages 4-11 months. I had a year off work for my Mat leave and by month 11 I was ready to go back to work. I found the days just dragged.

Don't get me wrong it's still hard work but I found 12 months onwards have been more fun and interesting. It helped that from 12 months she was only on 1/2 naps a day so we could get out so much more (would not nap anywhere but at home from 5- 11 months!)

Now she's 18 months it's getting better and better. She's much more fun and plays and we can go to the park and properly do things! I'm also much more able to go and meet friends once or twice a week /get back to the gym a couple of times a week (very supportive DH though and we take things in turns)

• are you a single parent?
• do you have family support?
• will you be having any nursery/childminder input?
• is it your first child?

^ these are all important factors in knowing when things might get easier

@RandomMess

About 25 years IME

Lol my dad always says the first "40 years are the worst...." I think he'll be updating this to 50 as I've just had to borrow money off him at age 44 🙄

OP I found the baby stuff rubbish when I was in on my own. No reason you can't take baby out to groups now, there'll be groups like toddler groups that are set up for babies too. If you don't want to be the entertainer find a place he can be entertained by others. Hang in there, you're doing great, he is loved and you look after him. And honestly there's nothing wrong with leaving him to mooch about on the floor while you read or stare at your phone for a bit. Get out each day for at least a walk it'll do you both good xxx

It’ll help you if you get out for a long walk with the baby, for your fitness. Play songs or talk to him as you go along maybe? And if possible, triple the mum groups - company, change of scene and a cuppa makes the day seem less long! Take him swimming maybe? Free library singalong?

Getting out every day is good advice. Get into podcasts, for some pretend adult company.

I really don’t like the baby stage. I found things got much easier around one years old. Both my DS started walking then. I would say it takes at least a year post pregnancy for your body to start to really feel better. Saying that, I have had back to back pregnancies and will be having my third DS in the summer. 3 under 3. So if you’re just having 1 for now your recovery could be quicker. I think months 3-7 are a really trying time. With my first DS things started to get better around 8/9 months. Goodluck!

Mine is a young adult and it's harder than ever; worrying about their present and future.
I found ages between 5 and 11 fairly relaxed and even fun though.

Big hugs from a grandma
I'm sorry you're feeling this way. Who do you have irl to talk to?
It does get easier, and for now the baby is still quite portable, so I wonder if you could just scoop him up and go and do some things that interest you.
If sure start is running again that would be a really good place to start, too.
I think it's harder for mums now with cutbacks and covid. We used to bump into other parents at health visitor appointments and the like.
Alternatively (or as well) would youconsider working part time sooner rather than later, just to get adult company?
Best wishes OP ❤

Now she's 4 and sleeps through the night and can occupy herself for half an hour. Plus she has her own life now at school. I've decided that I don't like the baby and toddler phase. TTC for number 2 now but will fully accept that the first 4 years are relentless.

3-10 the easiest. They’re very hard work physically when they’re little and very hard work mentally when hormones start! As babies I think around 9/10 months they get easier- usually just before you go back to work!