When does being a mum get easier

[mumtobee22]

I thought I would be over this by now as he's getting older but it seems I'm getting worse. I love my baby to pieces he's 7 months and I adore him but sometimes I really do miss my old life. I miss my freedom as a 21 year old. I miss going out, I miss having spare time, I miss doing the little things. My days are so boring I sit in the house all day long and do absolutely nothing just sit with baby. There's nothing to do. I'm counting down the days until he's on his feet and I'm able to take him places. The days just seem to be dragging in and it's really getting me down. I used to be a lovely size and I had a lovely figure now I absolutely hate my weight which is getting me down also. I hate my new body. Counting down the days until baby is older but they days seem to be dragging in. When does it get easier

It's not helpful to just say enjoy every moment as parenting, whilst full of many wonderful moments it is also filled with boring, mundane, challenging, frustrating and lonely moments. It's not always enjoyable, and that's okay.

However I do agree in the sentiment of not wishing the days, weeks and months away. I've been there with 'it will be easier once she's crawling/walking/talking'. DD is now 2.5yo and has got easier in many ways but has also got much more challenging. I wished to be rid of the pushchair but now she tries to bolt off and throws herself on the pavement. I wished to be rid of the nappies but now I'm always having to be aware of all toilets within a 2 minute dash from where I am.

I thought some of these milestones would make life easier but really they've just made it different. I try now not to just wish ahead for an easier life and try to work with and embrace where we are at now.

At 7mo your baby probably isn't hugely mobile. Can you try to get out and about whilst they're happy to be sat in the pushchair? Walks in town, mooching around the shops, popping to the park? Being stuck in the house is no good for your mental health and the days are long with no activities to fill them.

Mine are 11 and 8 and life is pretty brilliant. I can see the storm clouds of the teenage years approaching but right now we are having a fabulous time.

In the shorter term - for you - life is much easier with tiny ones in the summer rather than the winter. Sitting on the park (or the beer garden of the local pub ) is so much nicer than sitting in the house.

I dont think it does

On these threads you always get the voice of doom saying it gets harder. I think people have rose tinted glasses about how hard it can be in the baby stage when they need you for everything, may not sleep well and can’t communicate their needs. I found 7m quite hard because it felt very intense because weaning is pretty new and they seem to be either sleeping or eating. I found things tended to get easier in 6 month increments and continued to do so. My 3yo is infinitely easier than she was at 18m and my 5yo is easier than the 3yo but has more complex emotional needs. Once they turn into little people and their personalities shine through they’re much more interesting. I can take my eldest to a restaurant and she’ll eat well and be good company. The youngest is still a bit unpredictable but I’m expecting another change in 6months time.

Mine got easier around 9 months to just before they turned 2. They were bloody delightful days, those podgy little legs learning to crawl and walk, all the firsts, the babbling talk, I loved it. 2-4 they turned in to absolute assholes (adorable and much loved assholes) but now they’re 4 and in nursery full time I’m back to enjoying them. They’re hilarious, have opinions, negotiate and they’re finally toilet trained so no more nappies!

Hang on in there, the challenges will change but you’ll find an age you enjoy. Could you have pnd? Only reason I ask is my two were around your DC age when I finally acknowledged I had a problem.

I remember that time with one young baby being particularly boring. I used to deliberately not buy everything I needed from the shops so that I would have an excuse to walk into town again the next day. It does get better - not easier, but different and more fun.

It gets much easier once they go to pre school and then easier again when they go to school. IME anyway. I find once they start moving around up and then toddler age to be really hard (but so cute too).

Also why do you have to sit in all day doing nothing? He’s old enough for you to take to a baby group. Do you have friends and family you could pop over and see? You must need to go shopping? You could take him to the park for a go on swings.

With one baby at that age you can basically just get on with your life and he can tag along.

DS was really difficult until 6 months and although I loved him, I can't say I loved being a mum. It got easier for me at 9 months then 12 months, I started enjoying being a mum a lot more. He's now 20 months and I love spending time with him! He's funny and learning new things everyday. Lots of baby don't like the toddler stage but so far, I'm loving it. Hang in there, it does get easier!

Lots of people*

It doesn't get easier. It gets different. Sorry.

@gospelsinger

I remember that time with one young baby being particularly boring. I used to deliberately not buy everything I needed from the shops so that I would have an excuse to walk into town again the next day. It does get better - not easier, but different and more fun.

That’s so odd. Youre an adult. You dont need an excuse to leave the house. Going for a walk with the baby is reason enough to leave a house. Just wanting to leave the house is reason enough to leave a house.

Well, it definitely gets a lot easier once they start school. For me things improved around 3 1/2. The hardest age so far has been 6-18mths (as well as the first six weeks of course).

@Foxglovesandlilacs86

Also why do you have to sit in all day doing nothing? He’s old enough for you to take to a baby group. Do you have friends and family you could pop over and see? You must need to go shopping? You could take him to the park for a go on swings.

With one baby at that age you can basically just get on with your life and he can tag along.

I disagree that you can just take a baby anywhere. In theory yes, in practice no. It depends on the baby. My baby son takes crying to the extreme and always needs to be entertained. I couldn't take him to a restaurant or even a friend's house without disturbing everyone. Even baby groups he tends to be quite unsettling for others. I would love to go and visit friends but he screams for entire car journeys, and I'm not sure my friends would be thrilled with a yelling baby all day.

Please find some baby groups to attend. I met by best friends at baby groups and we're still close 15 years later.

@NewMum0305 oh do grow up firstly, I don't think 'a whole bunch of people' have given that response and secondly those that have may possibly be struggling themselves also, ever thought about that or is it all me me me in your case? I'm pretty sure the op will take the good from the responses given by everyone including those that have said it doesn't get easier . When you pose a Question like that you will get a whole range of replies and I'm sure the op is mature enough to handle them.

@guiltyregrets several posters did absolutely did post that kind of response and I stand by what I said: the OP needs support and encouragement, not to feel like life is never going to get better.

I had to have CBT as a new parent I found it so difficult, so yes, I’m well aware of what it’s like to struggle. I certainly would ever want to contribute to someone else feeling as hopeless and overwhelmed as I did back then.

I’ve no desire to hijack the OPs thread so won’t be replying to you any further. I can see a lot more people have posted actual helpful things on the thread, so no need to clog it up with snipy nonsense.

I'm finding 4yo+ much easier, but things are changing all the time with children. Some things get easier then new issues crop up. I remember dreading potty training and it turned up ok.

I'm so sorry you are finding things hard Op. How much support do you have from partner, friends and family? It can be lonely with a baby. If you are feeling particularly flat do talk to someone including your GP.

I personally was out lots when my DC were babies. Walking, littering around the shops, meeting up for a coffee. Baby music groups are often run from the local library or there are private groups like baby sensory or swimming if you can afford them.

If you like walking there are often buggy groups to meet people. Borrow a sling from a sling library allows you to get out into the woods or the beach etc, is great for health and a massive mood booster for me.

Are you returning to work soon? You don't have to stay at home if it's not right for you.

For those saying it doesn't get easier - for me it definitely did! I found the baby stage very difficult and didn't enjoy it. Yes the toddler stage is hard (my 2 had epic tantrums) but I found it a million times more fun and rewarding. You can conversations with them, you can do fun things with them. Then you have free pre-school, followed by school so it's sooo much easier than looking after a baby 24/7. Once you're through the toddler stage I find the children are much easier to deal with. Mine are now 11 and 9 and it's the easiest it's ever been. I no longer need to entertain them. They can amuse themselves. I realise the teenage years loom and the shit's about to hit the fan! But for now I'm enjoying my lovely children and a less intense period of parenting.

You need to get out and about now if you're bored. It might help you lose weight if you're active too.

Honestly I don't get how some people to expect their lives not to change once they have had a baby.

I have a similar eve baby that doesn't sleep for more than 2 hours at a time but I am so grateful for him and enjoying my time with him.

Do you have plans to get back to work when he's older? You will then have less time at home with the baby.

I think it’s really cruel when posters pile in for someone whose struggling or just post one liners saying it doesn’t get easier. Some people find the baby days incredibly difficult and isolating. Giving them hope that things can and often do get easier is much kinder.

We had 4 kids at our house over the weekend. A 5yo, a 4yo, a 3yo and an 18m old. The youngest one (not mine) was much harder than the others. It’s just absolute rubbish to try and pretend the level of care doesn’t get easier. The younger one was couldn’t express himself other than by screaming, needed a nap, didn’t eat well, needed lots of cuddles, needed to be watched like a hawk because still mouthing things etc. The next youngest needed a bit more attention, some bottom wiping/toileting reminders, little bit of grumpiness etc but could speak about what was wrong rather than screaming about it. The other two played with each other and were basically self sufficient. There was a completely different level of intensity involved in parenting the 1yo then the older ones.

@Wiltshire90 yes that’s true, it does depend on the baby. Mine have all been angels as babies but nightmares as toddlers you definitely pay for it somewhere along the line!