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Original poster

My husband says I'm a bum

93 replies

Loopylou6 · 12/03/2022 21:55

I'm going through an awful time at the moment.
My husband says I'm a bum and a scavenger. This is because I can't work due to mental health issues. I've been effectively signed off by the dwp.
Is he right? He says that every thing i eat and drink is because of him. I am feeling really low.

OP posts:
Hoppinggreen · 12/03/2022 21:57

He is vile
Do you think the way he treats you might actually be contributing to your MH issues?

Footnote · 12/03/2022 21:57

What exactly did ‘in sickness and in health’ mean to him then? Sorry you married a bellend.

Easterbunnyiswindowshopping · 12/03/2022 21:57

One thing you can do is Ltb. Your mh will improve tenfold.
Ime.

icelollycraving · 12/03/2022 21:59

Frankly he sounds like a wanker. Wonder if your mental health would benefit from him fucking off.

MissSnoop · 12/03/2022 21:59

@Hoppinggreen

He is vile Do you think the way he treats you might actually be contributing to your MH issues?
This, he is a prick!
Cleanbedlinen12 · 12/03/2022 21:59

No it doesn’t sound right, he sounds awful tbh. I’m wondering if you are feeling low if it’s because of him saying stuff like that. Sometimes dhs can just drip drip with the nasty comments so that you don’t realise what they are saying is slowly eroding your spirit.
Sorry you feel low, it’s crap.

5zeds · 12/03/2022 21:59

Why does feeding your wife mean you feel it’s ok to put her down? He sounds unkind.

Hollywolly1 · 12/03/2022 22:00

This absolutely makes shocking reading op.I think you need to make a plan to leave

7eleven · 12/03/2022 22:01

Well if you’re a bum, he’s definitely the arsehole.

LaraDeSalle · 12/03/2022 22:08

You are ill and will get better in time.

He will always be a nasty bastard.

Original poster
Loopylou6 · 12/03/2022 22:08

But I don't work? My mum was diagnosed with BC the other day, and I've had a massive dental abscess, so I've not done anything round the house.

OP posts:
madisoncat · 12/03/2022 22:09

Get out of that relationship as fast as you can.

Sorry you are dealing with his crap.

Time to start being your own best friend not your own worst enemy.

Time for YOU to start taking Care of You. He isn't taking care of you and he never will with attitude and behaviour you describe.

Him and is really awful attitude will be a BIG part of your MH and until you get out you'll only get worse.

I understand that MH isn't something you can just get better from but I know from experience that in a hostile, toxic relationship MH gets worse and you'll never be able to get to your Best Self.

Good Luck and please don't listen to his crap.

Hellorhighwater · 12/03/2022 22:21

@Loopylou6

But I don't work? My mum was diagnosed with BC the other day, and I've had a massive dental abscess, so I've not done anything round the house.
Doesn’t make you worthless. He, otoh, is deliberately setting out to make you feel unhappy, presumably to make himself feel better. I’ve no doubt he tells you it’s for your own good, that he’s helping you see how your behaviour is a problem for him. Frankly, no one needs that sort of ‘help’. It sounds like bullying and controlling behaviour to me. Anywhere you can get away from him for a while and see if your mental health improves? I’m sure mine would.
Original poster
Loopylou6 · 12/03/2022 22:26

I feel worthless tho and I hate myself for it. How can he be so cruel after my mums diagnosis?

OP posts:
Gollumy · 12/03/2022 22:30

So sorry about your mum's diagnosis. That must be hugely stressful.

Yes, your partner is a nasty arsehole.

SparklingLime · 12/03/2022 22:31

@Loopylou6

I feel worthless tho and I hate myself for it. How can he be so cruel after my mums diagnosis?
Because he’s a despicable bully of a man. There’s plenty of them around.

If DWP have signed you off, does that not mean you are getting sickness benefits? So you can live on that? If not, you need to speak to CAB about applying.

SmellyOldOwls · 12/03/2022 22:31

LTB!!!!!

dollymuchymuchness · 12/03/2022 22:33

@Loopylou6

I feel worthless tho and I hate myself for it. How can he be so cruel after my mums diagnosis?
Because he’s a nasty piece of work. You deserve better love, LTB. 💐
adriftabroad · 12/03/2022 22:37

My H used to say this to me all the time and worse (as I bet yours is doing) I was doing so, so much at the time, then I just sort of collapsed and was in hospital for a long while.

He used to say he resented buying me tampax.

With my last few drops of strength I hobbled (literally) out of there with DD 8 months ago. I really am 50% back to normal now.

What he is doing to you is so, so damaging. I send my love and strength.

tkwal · 12/03/2022 22:37

I'm not usually a "ltb" type but at the very least you need some time away from him. Could you go and stay with your Mum ? I'm sure she would appreciate some support. What do you mean you have been signed off by the DWP ? If you are suffering from poor mental health you need to apply for benefits . You can look up what you are entitled to online. Set up your own bank account so you can support yourself if you don't return to him or so you don't feel beholden to him if you do. Either way, you don't deserve to be called a bum

Easterbunnyiswindowshopping · 12/03/2022 22:38

You are seeing the real him. When my dgm was dying me exh was an utter cunt.. When she died he wanted me to ask her dd for fuel costs for all the visiting he drove me to.

adriftabroad · 12/03/2022 22:42

It will only get worse and it saps all your power.

I used to clean everything, do the washing, every bit of childcare, make fabulous meals etc and the more I did the worse the insults got. I just lost motivation for everything except DD.

I too sat there and found myself unable to take shower (seriously)

Agapornis · 12/03/2022 22:46

You've posted about him a lot - he's still a dick.

Original poster
Loopylou6 · 12/03/2022 22:47

I'm crying reading these messages. You are all so strong.
Adrift. I can understand that.
Think I'll sleep on the couch.

OP posts:
adriftabroad · 12/03/2022 22:48

Is he financially controlling you? Do you have access to any money?

I think the suggestion of a PP to go and stay with your mum is an excellent one.

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