Page 4 | My husband says I'm a bum

Loopylou6 · 2022-03-12T21:55:43+00:00

I'm going through an awful time at the moment. My husband says I'm a bum and a scavenger. This is because I can't work due to mental health issues. I've been effectively signed off by the dwp. Is he right? He says that every thing i eat and drink is because of him. I am feeling really low.

implantreplace · 13/03/2022 07:13

Do you have children?

BrutusMcDogface · 13/03/2022 07:38

If this has been going on for so long then there’s probably a deep resentment. You have no self respect and he doesn’t respect you either. Please get out; you deserve so much more 💐

Sofacouchboredom · 13/03/2022 07:38

@Loopylou6 I’ve read just a few of your previous posts. This man is an abusive alcoholic. You’ve been told many many times to leave. You are not safe emotionally, mentally or physically. Why are you still there? Honest you are worth so much more than this nasty piece!

thenewduchessoflapland · 13/03/2022 07:45

@Marvellousmadness

People are saying you have complained about him for 10 years on here? Well... then youve made your bed havent you. I dont feel sorry for you in that case. Either up and leave Or stay and remain unhappy. But stop complaining on mumsnet about it then

That's really unhelpful and unkind.It can take years sometimes many years for someone to leave a shitty and abusive relationship.It's not always easy or black and white.Mumsnet is a lifeline for so many and should be a safe space to turn to for moral support.

TypicaIMe · 13/03/2022 07:45

I have rheumatoid arthritis and can't work. I don't contribute anything to the household finances at all. I tried to claim PIP a while back but was told that because I have 'good' days, I wasn't eligible - despite not being able to get out of bed for the pain sometimes, and being unable to walk to the bathroom without help. The medication I'm on also has horrendous side effects, leaving me flat out for a couple of days a week after I inject it. Because I'm often unwell DH has to do a lot of the housework as well as his full time job.

I often feel guilty and like a burden. But crucially, this is not because DH makes me feel like one. Quite the opposite. He looks after me and tells me to rest and not to be so ridiculous when I get upset about not working/being unable to do much around the house (which I do, often). He brings me tea and plumps pillows and generally looks after me. He would never dream of calling me a bum or similar, just as I wouldn't if our situations were reversed.

Ill health is not your fault OP and you really, really need to leave this arsehole. I guarantee you'll feel better as soon as you do.

PortalooSunset · 13/03/2022 07:48

I'm so sorry you're in that situation. Not your illness or your mum's diagnosis, but that you're married to such a cock. I was ill a few years ago, couldn't work, could barely look after myself never mind the family. Dh altered his working day so he could do school runs and basically took up all the mental load so I didn't have to. Sure when I was able I pitched in, but there was no expectation that I would.
In the past I basically lived off him for the years I was a sahm but that was our choice as a partnership, with him being the higher earner at the time. He never once called me a sponger or appeared to resent me.
I'm not saying that to make you feel bad op, but to show you what a relationship with a decent man look like.
You deserve better

TypicaIMe · 13/03/2022 07:48

@Marvellousmadness

People are saying you have complained about him for 10 years on here? Well... then youve made your bed havent you. I dont feel sorry for you in that case. Either up and leave Or stay and remain unhappy. But stop complaining on mumsnet about it then

What a horrible post.

Have you ever been in an abusive relationship with a manipulative bully? Do you know how difficult it is to leave once they've messed with your mind? Upping and leaving when you have no income and nowhere to go, and you've been ground down to nothing for years, feels impossible. I've been there myself.

winnieanddaisy · 13/03/2022 07:59

If you can't work because of your mental health you may be entitled to Employment Support Allowance. As a PP suggested you need benefit advice .
You also need to leave a man who appears to be causing the majority of your mental health issues . 💐

oviraptor21 · 13/03/2022 08:03

^^ Only if OP has paid national insurance in the last 2-3 years.

Cakeandcardio · 13/03/2022 08:09

Your husband should look after you when you feel low. Not make you beg for food. What an absolute shit. I'm sorry you are having such a hard time.

CrustyCrackers · 13/03/2022 08:17

@Marvellousmadness

People are saying you have complained about him for 10 years on here? Well... then youve made your bed havent you. I dont feel sorry for you in that case. Either up and leave Or stay and remain unhappy. But stop complaining on mumsnet about it then

What a horrible post. I hope you show more compassion when you're not hiding behind a screen Life is rarely black & white

dworky · 13/03/2022 08:27

You don't need to put up with his verbal abuse at any time, let alone when your mental health is suffering.
Do you really want to stay with such a dickhead?

Vimto1991 · 13/03/2022 08:58

You sound like my mom, she never left either. Whilst he destroyed my moms life, he also put me through trauma, and I am now dealing with that in therapy through various anxieties and OCDs, so please please remember this if you have children. If you don’t leave for yourself, leave for them.

grapewines · 13/03/2022 09:48

OP, please try to leave - your children are in this hole with you.

LIZS · 13/03/2022 09:53

He's abusive, emotionally, financially, controlling... is this the role you want modelled to your dc? A decent man would cut you some slack and support you.

worriedmum2022 · 13/03/2022 10:02

@Loopylou6

But I don't work? My mum was diagnosed with BC the other day, and I've had a massive dental abscess, so I've not done anything round the house.

Go and stay with your mum and have some time out he sounds vile then have a serious think about this situation x

uncomfortablydumb53 · 13/03/2022 15:24

My exh was exactly the same to me.. and also claimed carers allowance to um not give a shit
I have both MH and physical issues and have been signed off by DWP too
I divorced him 10 years ago, and my MH has improved hugely
I live alone now but self worth is priceless
Please make a plan to leave him, his contempt will be keeping you depressed and you deserve to be happy
Seek out MH support and they will support you to leave
You're also being emotionally abused so perhaps woman's aid would help you.

uncomfortablydumb53 · 13/03/2022 15:27

Please get an appointment with CAB. They will help you apply for PIP This is not means tested