My husband says I'm a bum

[Loopylou6]

I'm going through an awful time at the moment.
My husband says I'm a bum and a scavenger. This is because I can't work due to mental health issues. I've been effectively signed off by the dwp.
Is he right? He says that every thing i eat and drink is because of him. I am feeling really low.

That's such a horrible thing to say to you. I'm so sorry. Your health isn't going to be helped by such a nasty bully of a man. You must be so worried about your Mum

It's not good for you to stay in a situation like this. You can leave, there is help for you to do this, such as Women's Aid.They'll help advise on benefits also.

Keep talking here, there is always someone about to listen.

Nothing has changed since you posted about him before
Can you think about separating?

Yes. I want to.

How long have you been married LoopyLou?

Go and stay with your mum and next week look at what benefits you are entitled to including PIP - he doesn’t deserve you

You could contact the people that helped you go into a refuge previously?

25 years in total. Married for nearly 18

I've not worked in almost 8 years as the day after we moved here I found out I was pregnant. 4 dc in childcare £30k plus. I went back to uni, covid hit. My final year of uni was homeschooling 4 kids, exams with 4dc at home, housework etc.

I've been ill the last year, cannot safely cook. He was having an argument with my dd and said "well, you try do everything round here. Lunch, breakfast, dinner" That was it for me. It's cool I've done that and everything else for years but not him for a year? bye fuckwit

Thanks. I appreciate the comments

I’m so sorry for what you’re going through. Any tooth pain is unbearable and your mums diagnosis must be such a shock. You need all the help you can get, especially for your mental health. What a horrible thing for your dh to say.

What is your financial situation, OP? Do your benefits go into your own bank account?

@Loopylou6

25 years in total. Married for nearly 18

Me too.

Apparently it takes 10 years on average to leave an abusive marriage. Mine became abusive the minute DD was born.

I left 12 years later. It takes this long.

Do it as soon as you possibly can. Baby steps, go and stay with your mum and get peace and sleep and look after each other.
You will no longer wake up with the dread. Don't think too far ahead.

Some men are just plain nasty. He doesn't deserve you.

These are stats for Spain (unfortunately I moved to his home country and had DD here)

I don't actually get any benefits, because he works.

Do you have children? If you do, are they at home?

Do you own a house together?

Why don’t you get benefits?

You need to ring UC tomorrow and sort this out ASAP - if you’re classed as disabled or too sick to work you should be getting something unless your DH is earning a very high amount.

Quite often MH issues are cause by an imbalance of chemicals in the brain.
But many times it’s caused by our lifestyles and the people around us.

I have a feeling your health will improve once you leave.

He should be trying to make your days brighter than they are - not dragging you lower.

You are not a bum or a scavenger. You are not well. And if he’d have had an ounce of decency in his body he would never have said such a thing.

absolutely.

But, I bet he earns too much.
Maybe I am profecting but, my H is a millionaire. He kept me overdrawn and hid his money.

That was to @WonderfulYou about those around you affecting your health

Why are the DWP involved?

He kept me overdrawn and hid his money

God that hit me hard. I'm so sorry you're going through this op

I've had a massive dental abscess,

Sorry about you mama...Honey you HAVE to get that abscess looked at immediately. ASAP that's dangerous.

Yes husband is a dick!