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Original poster

My husband says I'm a bum

93 replies

Loopylou6 · 12/03/2022 21:55

I'm going through an awful time at the moment.
My husband says I'm a bum and a scavenger. This is because I can't work due to mental health issues. I've been effectively signed off by the dwp.
Is he right? He says that every thing i eat and drink is because of him. I am feeling really low.

OP posts:
Original poster
Loopylou6 · 12/03/2022 23:57

I have antibiotics x

OP posts:
PiperPosey · 13/03/2022 00:03

@Loopylou6

I have antibiotics x
That's good.. have you gone to the dentist? Flowers
Babyroobs · 13/03/2022 00:17

@WonderfulYou

Why don’t you get benefits?

You need to ring UC tomorrow and sort this out ASAP - if you’re classed as disabled or too sick to work you should be getting something unless your DH is earning a very high amount.

Quite often MH issues are cause by an imbalance of chemicals in the brain.
But many times it’s caused by our lifestyles and the people around us.

I have a feeling your health will improve once you leave.

Maybe because a Uc claim would be joint and her dh earns too much ? Does not need to be a very high amount of earnings to not be entitled.
saleorbouy · 13/03/2022 00:23

Maybe he is struggling with the current situation and needs some support too?
Obviously he could be more tactful but it's not easy to cope on your own either.

caringcarer · 13/03/2022 00:25

I would bet the reason you have mental health issues and low self esteem is your husband, he is the cause of your illness and lethargy. If you could bin him off I am certain you would feel better. DWP would not sign you off if you were fit to work. Your husband should be building you up and caring for you whilst you are I'll.

JuteWeaver · 13/03/2022 00:27

I can't work due to disabilities. I also can't do much around the house for the same reason.
My husband would wait on me hand & foot if I let him. He would do anything for me and never moans or puts me down.
Your husband sounds a right bastard. Sorry, but he does. Can you/will you rid yourself of him? You do not deserve this treatment. You deserve support, care, encouragement and love.

Peasock · 13/03/2022 00:42

@Loopylou6

I don't actually get any benefits, because he works.
Leave the bustard and you will get financial support.
Thebestwaytoscareatory · 13/03/2022 01:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

me4real · 13/03/2022 01:35

He's being this cruel because he's an evil abuser. I can't work and you can still claim PIP regardless of household income. But you should leave him, he's evil, kicking you while you're so vulnerable.

thenewduchessoflapland · 13/03/2022 01:56

You are married;you are a partnership.

You made vows to each other;in sickness and in health;for richer or poorer;for better or for worse.

Your are ill,signed off work via the DWP.

You not a bum or a scavenger.

To say that to someone you're supposed to live is absolutely vile.

Start making plans to leave.Please make a appointment with the citizens advice bureau to see what benefits your entitled to as a single person.

thenewduchessoflapland · 13/03/2022 01:58

@saleorbouy

Maybe he is struggling with the current situation and needs some support too? Obviously he could be more tactful but it's not easy to cope on your own either.

Or maybe he's just an absolute cunt who's abusing his vulnerable wife.

Chichimcgee · 13/03/2022 01:59

You don’t work because you’re not able to at the minute, there is no shame at all in that.
Leave him, get yourself a nice little place where you can claim the benefits you’ll be entitled to so you don’t have to rely on an emotionally abusive cockwomble, you’ll soon find yourself getting better I’m sure!

PrincessNutella · 13/03/2022 01:59

I know it sounds crazy, but somehow, there are people who find it easy to kick other people around when they are at their most vulnerable points. You don't need to be ashamed of being vulnerable. It happens to all of us. Let's face it, every interesting character in any book or movie has vulnerabilities, and if they didn't, we'd hate them AND be bored by them. For some reason, I feel as if you're going to figure this one out.

discoginsix · 13/03/2022 02:02

The shit that is happening in other countries doesn't have to inform your life. You aren't taking one for the team. He is never gonna have your back. Play smart, pick up your kids and run

LadyPropane · 13/03/2022 02:39

I feel worthless tho and I hate myself for it.

Obviously I don't know you but I'd bet a lot of money that you feel this way and hate yourself because of your husband. He's abusive and makes you feel shitty.

You might find that a lot of your MH issues actually improve if you get rid of him from your life.

Weatherwax13 · 13/03/2022 02:46

He's horrible. I think just like PP have said, that your mental health will improve dramatically if you get out of this relationship.

Original poster
Loopylou6 · 13/03/2022 03:12

Yes. I need help. Deffo

OP posts:
StAgur · 13/03/2022 03:34

You should apply for PIP, as it's not means tested. If you divorce him, the starting point will be that you have 50% of all assets (including his pension), and you will be entitled to other benefits if you can't work. So you can become independent of this vile man.

Can you just go to stay with your DM, and support each other, and spend precious time together, then simply not go back.

I agree with others that your MH issues are in all likelihood caused or contributed to by this horrible man.

StAgur · 13/03/2022 03:36

You can start a PIP claim by telephoning the relevant number. You then need to fill in a form (lots of advice on line), but the claim will be treated as being made from the date of the 'phone call.

Kitkat151 · 13/03/2022 04:15

Do you qualify for ESA?

Willowowisp · 13/03/2022 05:00

You will only possibly ( depending on your disability/health) get PIP. ESA/UC are means tested. You may be entitled to these once you've left him. Please do LTB.

A580Hojas · 13/03/2022 05:01

Oh Lord. Are you STILL with this arsehole? When are you actually gling to take heed of any of the hundreds of supportive/encouraging/helpful posts you've had on Mumsnet about leaving him?

RantyAunty · 13/03/2022 06:34

I've been reading your posts about that arsehole for at least 10 years.
Your DC must be about grown now.

Do you have any access to money at all?

I recall you saying your parents would be happy to have you.

You're asking for help so this is what you do.

Take as much money as you can get your hands on. If you have a few small things worth selling, take them too.
then pack up your documents: birth certificate, passport, etc.
Pack up a case or 2, then get in your car and drive to your mums.

You stayed and put up with his shite for 25 years. You stayed and raised your DC.
There is no reason for you to stay there anymore. Not even one day longer.

Pack up and go to your mums.
You can apply for whatever payments assistance once you get there. You've got all of us here for you.

I believe in you. Flowers
Let us know once you get to your mums.

Lubeyboobyalt · 13/03/2022 06:53

You are worthy of love, kindness and respect - I hope you can leave this cruelty

My exh was similar. I left him 15 years ago. Best thing I ever did and my mental health got much better within a year of having left him - not a magic cure or anything but without him dragging me down making me feel worse, I could start to actually heal

Marvellousmadness · 13/03/2022 07:08

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