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Original poster

Can I ask if you feel happy and content with your life?

109 replies

chineseanyone · 11/03/2022 19:12

I've always wondered what it feels to be happy and content or if it's even possible.

I'm 26 with 2 DC's and I am having my third I am married. Have an ok house (new build) but very small but can't afford anything bigger yet. Not the kind of house I would like anyway.

We have a niceish car and go on holiday twice a year, eat out a lot and do nice things as a family.

These are all the things I wanted when I was younger but now I have It I couldn't give a crap about any of it really.

So it's just made me wonder really, do you feel happy and content in your life? Or do you still always feel like somethings missing or you want more?

OP posts:
AnnieLobeseder · 14/03/2022 20:28

OP, do you ever get time to focus on yourself? It sounds like you have all the basic material comforts, which is a fantastic starting point for being able to look around you to find peace and contentment. But material things can never bring you that peace.

It's so easy to lose yourself in looking after kids, always putting their needs above your own. Don't forget that you matter too, and are in fact just as important as they are. Far too often women put themselves right at the bottom of the family hierarchy and don't look after their own emotional needs.

At least once a week, hand your kids over to your DH for a few hours and do something just for you. Something that speaks to your soul and makes you happy. It might be sport, it might be art, it might be getting out in nature.

Your soul needs feeding just as much as your kids' tummies do! Smile

silkypillows · 14/03/2022 20:36

I'm happy and content. We have a beautiful house, big cars, two DS, I don't work, my DH is incredible, hard working and supportive.

We are currently in lanzarote for a month after spending the month of December here too. Genuinely couldn't be happier.

sausagepastapot · 14/03/2022 20:42

No, it's very rare I feel true happiness, even for a few minutes. I am used to it now though, and I have accepted that it's just not ever going to be like that in my life, which makes it easier to digest!

LoganberryJam · 14/03/2022 20:44

Yes, I'm really happy. All the usual things (happily married, lovely DC, nice home, fulfilling job) and also I'm generally a positive optimistic person.

Oblomov22 · 14/03/2022 20:54

Yes, content. Always made very good choices, chose a good man. Travelled pre Uni. Enjoy my part time job and have good friends. Happiest when I'm away with my friends for a long weekend to Lisbon or Berlin or somewhere. Always made time for myself, never lost myself in bringing ds's up. Looking forward to the next stage, ds's going off to uni. Dh and me going away for weekends.

AlphaJura · 14/03/2022 20:59

@Frollop yes, I think I would be happy if I had no kids and a partner at the age I am now (42) if the choice was a miserable marriage or an abusive relationship. And dcs are hard if you're a single parent. When I was younger, maybe not so. But I went through a couple of unhappy relationships (the oldest dcs df) I had to make the decision to end it because I just wasn't happy and go through being a single parent and struggling for money, then I ended up in an abusive relationship with someone who almost totally destroyed me and my self esteem, it was very hard for me to get rid of him. When I finally did, I thought I'm in no place for a relationship and I didn't want one or was looking for it. I made the decision to be happy in my life my mine and my dcs sake, work on myself and think of them and not date or look for love. I have always liked my own company, maybe because until I was 14 I was an only child.
I said, I'm not going anywhere! Well it's funny how things work out, my dh 'came to me', he was an old friend who I hadn't seen for a few years. Turns out the time was right for both of us, our dd came along, quite quickly into the relationship, last year we were married! His family have secured our house and we are working to make it nice. We just knew it was right and so did both our families. I never thought I would have all this after what I went through and I have to pinch myself sometimes to believe it's real. But if I had had it when I was younger, maybe I wouldn't have appreciated it. ? So if my dh hadn't have come along, I always think I would've been happy on my own. But sometimes it takes deciding that, for the right thing to happen iykwim Smile

TurtlesAndTropicalFish · 14/03/2022 21:02

Generally very happy yes. I have one DC and my husband. We’ve been trying to conceive for nearly 4 years. Gone through IVF and miscarriage and I think all the heartache has made me realise how lucky I am to have my DC and this life...I think before I took it all for granted. Sometimes terrible things help us reflect. I wouldn’t change my infertility now. But it’s taken a long time to get to this place

Frollop · 15/03/2022 23:33

@AlphaJura thanks for sharing your story. It's lovely to hear happy endings like yoursGrin. I'm trying to come to terms with the fact I will probably end up by myself but compared to being in an abusive or unsuitable relationship I would prefer to be myself as you say.
Life is a learning experience and if I met the right partner at this age I would appreciate it much more than if I was younger like you say.
Wishing you continued happinessFlowers

CrispsnDips · 16/03/2022 05:45

Yes, very happy: aged late 50’s, fit and healthy (don’t want to jinx it!), husband, three children, great friends, three jobs plus voluntary work, nice home, two investment properties, holidays, savings…life has had its ups and downs - and I’m lucky I have been able to ride all the storms (so far!)

NoNeedToWorryAboutAThing · 16/03/2022 06:46

I'm content in my life.

Most people.would think I have no reason to he but I derive contentment from the impact I have on others, my relationships with others, having a positive impact on the world and 'the little things'. 'Stuff' means little to me.

ufucoffee · 16/03/2022 06:57

I'm happy and content. Job is hard and stressful but I'm lucky to have it. I've had lots of ups and downs through the years but always had great children and good friends. Grandchildren now add to my contentment. I'd like more money and a paid off mortgage but I've learnt over the years to thank the good things in life every day.

jeanne16 · 16/03/2022 07:05

I am a strong believer that happiness is a choice we can make. You have to start each day by making the decision to be happy. Btw, I don’t always manage this but I do often enough and it makes a difference.

Whatwouldnanado · 16/03/2022 07:17

Sounds like you need to find your tribe outside the home even if it's just a few hours a week. Do you have time to volunteer, get involved with a charity? Host a fundraiser, or maybe start a new craft or sport? Stuff like this made a big difference to me when I was on the hamster wheel of looking after dc and enabling their hobbies.

AnIconOfImperfections · 16/03/2022 07:30

I’m happy. Most of the time.

I have everything I’ve ever wished for, a truly wonderful DH, two gorgeous dogs, a beautiful home in an equally beautiful rural area. We’re comfortably off. And now I’m pregnant with our first (and only!) baby after IVF. I have terrible morning sickness and my boss is an arsehole but I can deal with him.

But I do have days when I feel low, very anxious and doubt myself, I think I have ‘something’ undiagnosed. If I can get that sorted, that would be great 😊

I don’t take my situation for granted and realise that happiness can be taken from us in the blink of an eye. Perhaps that’s a negative viewpoint 🤷🏻‍♀️

Howmanysleepsnow · 16/03/2022 07:40

I can feel happy. Like some PP said, I think it’s an active choice: I have to actively find and notice things that make me happy and make myself be in the moment. Happiness is very rarely something that happens passively or unexpectedly for me. It took me well into my 30s to learn how to be happy.
Contentment is harder. I have my DC,DH, house, dogs, holidays but sometimes it’s so hard keeping everyone’s head above water and I’m aware life didn’t work out as I expected (2 failed attempts at careers replaced by my current part time job, wasted potential, and my older two DC spending 2 nights a week with XH rather than being with me full time). When things are going well I can reconcile myself to how life turned out and have periods of contentment. Right now, I can’t.
I can still choose moments of happiness though.

iloveeverykindofcat · 16/03/2022 08:00

Happy yes but not secure. Its the price I pay for persuing my dream career as a researcher and professional writer. I got it - but my contracts are always temporary. I don't care about material wealth, I make enough to get by, live in a decent flat which I own after years of scrimping and a family loan to help with deposit. I am single, with a few friends that I'm very close to and good relations with my family. I might have an opportunity soon to move to a more secure position with less time to do what I actually want to do (read and write) and more time spent doing what I don't mind (lecture, supervise in my subject). In my daily life I'm very happy. But I'm also anxious about longterm security. I don't know which way I'm going to go.

Imobsessedwithsuccesion · 16/03/2022 08:28

@frollop I'm early 40's and single and childfree by choice and I'm happy. Great social life, own flat, lots of friends and no money worries. Life is good BUT I knew I never wanted a live in partner or kids so built myself a great life without if that makes sense.

Wagsandclaws · 16/03/2022 08:34

I'm 50 now and pretty content. Well I SHOULD be as am very fortunate.

18 years ago I was nearly divorced, 3 young dc and utterly, absolutely skint eating jam on toast most nights wondering what the heck I was going to do with my life.

I did an access course went to uni, got my degree, met now Dh, had two more dc and now I consider myself to be an extremely fortunate individual.

We are comfortable, live rurally in a beautiful home, nice cars Ect. Dh is lovely but we do bicker and sometimes that gets me down

Wagsandclaws · 16/03/2022 08:36

Sorry pressed post too soon.

Meant to say we do bicker but sometimes I do wonder if only I was a little more easy going 🤷‍♀️

I suspect it's more me than him tbh and most days I am very, very content - looking at how much my life has transformed makes me more so and I do think it's important to count your blessings.

Maybe you are a little low op, worth a chat with the gp maybe?

Wagsandclaws · 16/03/2022 08:37

Just read back my first post - not nearly divorced NEWLY divorced ( from an abusive Dh ).

OutlookStalking · 16/03/2022 08:41

No. But lowish income need a new career, financially anxious, not got the "nice house nice area" lots of people here state. Hm.m.

Frollop · 16/03/2022 09:55

@Imobsessedwithsuccesion your life sounds great and good that you managed to achieve what you wantedGrin

I sometimes think if I owned my own property it would help me feel more content and secure. I am lucky as although where I live isn't perfect it's much better then where I lived previously although others who live in very nice properties with no issues probably wouldn't view it the same.

AlphaJura · 17/03/2022 17:24

@Frollop thank you. It's worth remembering though that it's easy to look at other people on here and on social media and think that they're happy and they have the perfect life, but you never really know what's going on in someone's mind. No one has no problems and no one has 'everything'. I sometimes look at the friends I have that have had the money and freedom to go travelling, or have remained childless through choice and think 'I wish I had the chance to do that'. I haven't ever had enough money and I've always been tied down by my responsibilities. But you can't have everything and I accepted that wasn't my lot in life. Some people yearn for a child and sadly it doesn't happen for them. You can spend your whole life thinking you're not happy when you've probably got something that someone else thinks would make them happy. It's not possible to do everything so be happy in the life you have. I'm a great believer in 'everything plays out as it should'. Even the painful times in my life were necessary for me to learn not to accept that again and to appreciate the good things.

My3cents1 · 17/03/2022 17:28

I get put down, shouted at and called vile names daily. So it’s a no from me.

sevensleeps · 17/03/2022 18:54

@My3cents1

I get put down, shouted at and called vile names daily. So it’s a no from me.
By whom @My3cents1? Sad