Can I ask if you feel happy and content with your life?

[chineseanyone]

I've always wondered what it feels to be happy and content or if it's even possible.

I'm 26 with 2 DC's and I am having my third I am married. Have an ok house (new build) but very small but can't afford anything bigger yet. Not the kind of house I would like anyway.

We have a niceish car and go on holiday twice a year, eat out a lot and do nice things as a family.

These are all the things I wanted when I was younger but now I have It I couldn't give a crap about any of it really.

So it's just made me wonder really, do you feel happy and content in your life? Or do you still always feel like somethings missing or you want more?

@Ohmnomnom thanks for your update. It sounds like you have a lovely happy balance in life after going through a difficult time.
Do you also think where you live impacts on your happiness?

I find it hard not to let others people stress me out including family but it's finding coping mechanisms I guess.
Will definitely try to get out more walking and being socialable Which helps my mood.

I'm sure one day I will be happy and content... sooner rather then later hopefully.
Thanks for sharing and I hope everyone finds happiness X

I am happy. Life is not as expected or planned, I was married but am now the single mother of two children.
I truly believe that you decide how you feel (again disclaimer that this does not apply about mental health issues here).

I have really noticed that if I feel sorry for myself it is a ride into anger/ resentment and victimhood.
If I notice all that I have to be grateful for its creates it's own momentum, so I can't stop noticing, so I feel happier and have more fun and feel more grateful.

I am def not chirpy all the time and have my crappy moments but I think you can create your own default setting and decide what you concentrate on in your life.

I have def found Mindfulness meditation has helped with this.

No...I need to change virtually everything about my life but for the last few years fate has just kept on kicking me down.

That said, I have reasonable physical health even if my mental health is shot to shit, an amazing teenage DD, and my own home for now at least so can only complain so much.

I have long periods of feeling content. Never about stuff I have. It’s when I’m out walking or at the beach or having a bbq. I’m older than you but I think the pressure to have stuff is making people very unhappy. Don’t get me wrong I’ve been there I guess I have just come out of the other side and stopped comparing anything I have or do to others.

I should be content but I struggle to be consistently happy. On paper things are good - nice home, successful career, earning well, lots of fun stuff and holidays in the diary, a small group of good friends - enough to not feel lonely. I’m married and I have two dc - a few years ago I could have only dreamed of this, having gone through years infertility and multiple miscarriages. The reality isn’t quite the dream though. Sleep deprivation is killing us, my marriage feels shakey and my four year old is really hard work at the moment. I had some difficulties growing up and I can’t seem to shake these - I probably need some therapy to help me move on, and to be a better person and parent. Apart from sleep and some time for my marriage, I don’t really want for anything. I don’t even really want a bigger house (although the space would be useful) as I hate the thought of being financially stretched after living with the fear of our house being taken away as a child.

I think it's temperament more than anything else. I know people who will never be happy with what they have, and others that are just perpetually thrilled to exist

I always feel like it’s tempting fate to reply to threads like this!

Yes, I am happy and content. I have a lot of people I genuinely like and enjoy spending time with in my life. I love DH, but I also like him, and enjoy his company. I have lovely DC. My DB and his now husband moved back here last year - we are close and it’s so good to have them in our lives properly.

And I have a lovely group of friends who I wouldn’t be without.

I think a lot of contentment does come from the relationships in your life. Or it does for me.

@chineseanyone yes I am now but when my children were young like yours I wasn’t at all. Sometimes we have to go through the crappy times to put things into perspective and then we realise everything we do have and actually we’re doing ok. Don’t beat yourself up we’re all entitled to our feelings even when you think on paper you have everything that should be making you happy

I've become happier as I've got older. I think i figured out what matters to me and then did little else. Also learning skills helped, how to let things slide off, to keep mouth shut and stay out of things, how to deal with what needs dealing with....and what's not my problem. Also I finally gave myself permission to be the musician I wish I'd always been and to say no to anything else. Like others have said, I now catch myself thinking, thank you to the universe for all my blessings. We moved to the country four years ago, our bills are less, the area is literally a holiday area and to drive through it to work is such a treat. I am also lucky to finish at 3.30pm on W,T,F and what a treat!!! Time means more to me now than money.

OP I'd say...
What hobbies would you like to do?
What matters to you?
If you died at 80, what would you want to look back on and say, I wish I'd done that?
What are you doing that you DON'T like, as that can be phased out.
And really do get to grips with your head space. Understand why you're thinking the way you are, understand the impact of it, which you bring on yourself, and work out how to pay yourself back for the damage you just did. It's not good to emotionally self harm.
And, to use a phrase I got from mumsnet, try to sit and stare every now and then x

I’m interested in and engaged with my life, despite a lot of current problems.

OP, I can’t help wondering why you settled down, married and had several children so young, and why you ever thought having a nice car and two annual holidays was going to be a fulfilling life?

Yes. I'm the happiest I have ever been.

Living in my own home. Divorce in the post, brilliant children. Good work which I'm proud of. Physically fit.

It has been a massive struggle to get here, so I think I appreciate it even more than I might, without that.

I love having my own space and autonomy. I love having a small group of really trustworthy and brilliant friends. I've sacked off all the loser wannabe types, performative pals and people who grab from you.

Life is way too short to have relationships or work which makes you blue. Or to do what other people think you should.

Im happy and content with what I've 'got' in life, 3 dcs, dh, house, car and I feel lucky to have that (many don't) and despite some health problems that aren't terminal I'm relatively healthy compared to what some people have to go through. But it doesn't mean I don't get stressed with the hectic ness of life, feel burned out, get anxious about money and the state of the world. I try to remind myself there's people in the world who have it a lot harder and to be grateful. They say count your blessings at the end of the day and look for the positives.

No amount or quality of stuff is going to make you feel happy.

Get away from any group or culture where your value is determined by what car you drive etc.

That's for idiots.

I (luckily) grew up somewhere where demonstrations of wealth was viewed as horribly crass. And I still feel like that.

I have nice things and I can afford much more expensive things that I have. But that's not what I value.

Very content. I have a kind, honest, hard-working husband, a healthy, happy baby son, a daft, lovable dog and we have a relatively successful business which pays the bills, a nice cottage to live in and where we live is very beautiful.
Of course, on the flip side, we have money worries, the fuel price increases weigh heavily on us, we ‘only’ rent our home, my health is, frankly, dire with chronic health problems, I grew up with severe abuse and as with everyone, there are issues within the wider family.
On balance, I feel lucky. I accept that nothing will ever be completely perfect and smooth sailing but I am beyond grateful for what I have. The life I lead now is that which I dreamed of as an unhappy child.
You can always want more from life and I don’t think there’s anything inherently wrong with having goals or admiring what other people seem to have, but don’t let it be a thief of the joy in your current life. It sounds as though you have plenty to be thankful for.

OP I think you would feel happier with some friends. Friends give us a good sense of self. Of who we are. You get your need for belonging met. Controversial opinion maybe, but I believe friends determine your lifes happiness more than a partner. You can lost very easily in a ltr and being a parent.

No, on paper it looks like I have it all. I'm very worried about the mental health of my DC esp DD 15. I've withdrawn from the world a bit, really really struggling to socialise and engage with people and am not really enjoying anything. Work is good though, and I love my DC's and they're great really just worried we're all a bit depressed. . I try to keep a brave face on and keep going, I have to plan things or nothing gets done as I just sink into inactivity and inertia. I'm very good at masking stuff but it's getting harder to be honest. Probably why I'm hiding away from people.

I’m pretty happy with my life. Love my family (husband and one child by choice after a surprising journey wondering why we just didn’t want a second despite social pressures). Our house is far from “the ideal” but we’re tackling one project at a time and getting there.
I like my work a lot and while it’s not “high paid” it pays enough to not have money worries.
I’d like to spend more time with friends but it’s hard at this stage in life.
Things aren’t perfect, but I’m content.

@Glowtastic I understand that completely. I call it life avoidance and am prone to it. When I'm forced outside my comfort zone I become myself and feel happy. But the more you avoid the more you feel depressed and it just goes round and round.

@chineseanyone

Aww it's so lovely read that you all feel so happy! I am lacking friends so maybe that plays a part in my happiness.

@Justkeepon yes exactly that I just can't understand it.

I'm not sure if I'm depressed or whether I've just kind of lost my self over the years. I feel like I really need to let myself go and just have some fun but I wouldn't know where to start.

Life is very repetitive school runs all week, washing cooking all becomes a bit boring after a while. I miss the old me sometimes!

You've just identified what is wrong. You have attained the goals you wanted when you were younger: partner, home, children, holidays, eating out - a nice, stable, comfortable life. Now you need some new goals.

Just set some for yourself. Make sure at least one of them pushes you hard - like training for a marathon or working towards a challenging qualification. And then make some of the other goals fun or silly or adventurous - new things. And make a few of the goals family-related. Having a bucket list of stuff to do with the DC is incredibly satisfying. Teaching them skills like cycling, swimming, putting up tents, lighting camp fires. Or fun play like building dens, damming streams, making mud slides, igloos etc.

I'm pretty happy most of the time. But I work at it, as I had severe depression for years and made a mission of getting out of it and staying out. I do this by setting myself lots of challenges that I enjoy but that also have rewards: work challenges, family challenges, physical fitness ones. I always have a bucket list on the go of goals that come in all shapes and sizes, from once-in-a-lifetime holidays to tiny projects at home.

If you miss the old you, get her back in small ways. Play loud music from when you went clubbing while you fold the laundry. Wear some of your more characterful clothes more often and less of the sensible mum stuff.

There may be a few things you can't do while you are pregnant but there's lots you can do. I focus my mind by saying; suppose you only had a year to live, what would you want to do in that time? Then choose from the list you come up with, the things that most surprise and delight you and do them.

@gingerhills that is excellent advice.

I feel quite happy and content in my life, yes. Even though I have very little external justification for that. I've done the work on myself and now I am working on aligning my external world to reflect the internal one.

Can I ask if people on this thread they they would still be content if they did not have a partner, children and nice home? It seems that most of the people on this thread who are content have the above.

@gingerhills you've done really well to get out of severe depression and take active steps to stay out of it. Agree with PP... excellent advice you provided.

@Frollop

I'm single, I have kids, I don't have a nice home

Mostly !
I have a lovely, caring amazing daughter who lights up my world and fantastic DP who although I call him a twat several times a day either to his face and under my breath I love the bones off and he's amazing in bed

I have a good relationship with ex DH and their partner. We share DD 50/50 and are able to amicably work out our time with her over a coffee once a month.

I have fantastic friends and work colleagues. My job is long days and fast paced but it was a profession I chose and I take the rough with the smooth.

My only gripe is post separation my credit history was shot and now I private rent. Me and DP can afford it but I often find I'm dipping in to savings from house sale. I'm torn between saving up again and getting back on the property ladder or just living life - not to spend recklessly but doing things we enjoy or using it for DD parties/birthday/Xmas/ holidays for example.

But yes... I count my lucky stars how fortunate I have life compared to some
🙏🏻

@AuntFlorence if you did not have children would you still be content?