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Original poster

Careers for unlikeable people

88 replies

Notatio · 06/03/2022 19:11

I've never really been liked by anybody. I had very few friends as a child and I've had none at all since I was a preteen. I was managed out of my first proper job and they told me to get a job where I never have to speak to anybody. Obviously, jobs where you have no colleagues, manager, customers, clients, etc. to talk to are basically non-existent so as much as I'm not against the suggestion that I stay away from people, it's easier said than done.

I work in retail and have worked in warehouses in the past. I'm fairly intelligent and a hard worker so I do ok in unskilled work. I don't need to be babysat like some people and get to work alone most of the time so nobody's that fussed that people dislike me.

Is there another option? I feel like there are probably individual workplaces that would tolerate me but there's no way of knowing that in advance. It's not like you can call up and ask if they're ok with hiring somebody nobody will like.

OP posts:

Anycrispsleft · 06/03/2022 19:21

Are you unlikeable though, or is it more that you're easily bullied because of your childhood experiences, and your old colleagues took advantage of that to make you the whipping boy?

Gettingthereslowly2020 · 06/03/2022 19:22

Rather than trying to find a job where you aren't around people, you need to work on changing your behaviour. Plenty of people struggle to make friends but it sounds like your issue is much more serious than that.

What do you do that makes you so unlikeable? Surely it must be really lonely for you to not have a single friend or social acquaintance that you can have a laugh with or pass the time of day with.

The language you use about other people's reactions to you is quite hostile, you talk about finding a workplace that will "tolerate" you. That's pretty extreme. There's somewhere in the middle between loved and hated. To not even have nasic friendliness toward others is quite worrying.

Can you have counselling to work on yourself? Get to the bottom of the issue and find out what you can do about it.

This is really serious when it's not only affecting you socially but it's so affecting your work opportunities.

Libertybear80 · 06/03/2022 19:23

What's unlikeable about you? I tend to like people that some others find unlikeable.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Jobs

Gettingthereslowly2020 · 06/03/2022 19:25

Or have I read your OP completely wrong and your issue isn't actually that people actively dislike you, it's that you have such low self-esteem that you think they dislike you?

Either way, it sounds like counselling would help you to figure things out and find a way to move forward. It's clear that this is really affecting all areas of your life.

Bebabelouba · 06/03/2022 19:26

I find it extremely hard to believe that no one would like you, ever.
The advice that you have been given by your old employer is very odd.
It might be more helpful to think about jobs you think that you would enjoy?
I'm sorry that you have had such horrible experiences

Retq · 06/03/2022 19:27

That’s a horrible thing for your employer to say to you 😟 I am sure you would do just fine it’s just a matter of finding the right position for you. For what it’s worth I have had some difficult experiences like you describe. You do start to believe that you are unlikeable and stop making effort.
I worked in engineering which was good as it involved a lot of working alone on calculations and designs. But that would require a degree.
I also find that I have quite a good way with little kids. I think I am quite childlike and not very good at adult “banter” and small talk. Maybe you could do well looking after young children?

HumunaHey · 06/03/2022 19:27

What on earth?! Did your old job really advise you get a job where you never have to speak to anyone? Did they word it like that?

Do you have a condition/disability that people lack an understanding of?

Stompythedinosaur · 06/03/2022 19:28

I don't think you need a job on your own, just a job where your colleagues aren't arseholes.

ScarlettDarling · 06/03/2022 19:36

Having trouble making friends doesn’t mean that you’re unlikeable,op. Be honest ...are you bitchy, a liar, unkind or anything else that would make people dislike you? If you are, then you need to address those issues, not look for a career where these things won’t matter.

I’m guessing that’s not the case though. Is it that you’re maybe a bit socially awkward or an introvert who just doesn’t make friends easily? I know (and like) many people like that and would far rather work with someone like that than your typical ‘life and soul of the party’ type,

It’s really sad that your childhood and bad experience with your first job has made you feel unlikeable. Try challenging that idea. Ask yourself what makes you unlikeable. Could it actually be that this notion you have about yourself is wrong? I have a feeling it could be.

Deathraystare · 06/03/2022 19:40

Well I dunno if this helps but the mysoginistic little Napolean complex ex flat mate in my flat apparently worked in data control. I did not know anything about the job but reckon he does not work with many people.

He did not get on with his previous flat mates either, funny that!

Mummyratbag · 06/03/2022 19:45

@Stompythedinosaur

I don't think you need a job on your own, just a job where your colleagues aren't arseholes.

This ^

AnxiousHeffalump · 06/03/2022 19:53

I’m unlikable and I’m a teacher. I’m popular with the kids, but not with colleagues, so I have as little to do with (most of) them as possible.

Porfre · 06/03/2022 19:59

I dont think you're u likeable.

I think you've just been very unlucky .

There are lots of job with shortages where they wouldn't want to get rid of you no matter how unlikeable you are.

ThatsNotMyGolem · 06/03/2022 20:15

I'm antisocial as fuck, and work as a freelance editor/copywriter. I barely have to deal with anyone and it's great.

felulageller · 06/03/2022 20:43

Have you ever had an autism assessment?

Retq · 06/03/2022 20:44

How did you get in to your job thatsnotmygolem?

Original poster

Notatio · 06/03/2022 23:34

I'm definitely unlikeable. I've tried to work on it but nothing ever quite works. I struggled to find a counsellor who didn't respond to 'people don't like me' with 'I'm sure that's not true' type comments. Being tested for autism is definitely not for me.

I have workmates who I have an ok relationship with until a third person shows up and then they're exchanging glances and smirking when I speak. That's what I mean by tolerate. They don't like me but they'll work with me.

Family always say stuff like accounting, software development, data science, and also self-employment so I've looked into that sort of thing but it seems to be more these are good jobs if you're socially awkward than these are good jobs if people just don't like you.

I don't have a degree so I look at apprenticeships but if I did do something like that then there's the problem of being liked enough to be given a permanent position and that's probably not realistic.

I'd love to say my previous managers were just arseholes but they're far from the only people to make similar comments to me. The comment was actually that I should get a job where I never have to speak to anybody... but they were going to miss my Excel skills so there was a compliment in there.

OP posts:

Anycrispsleft · 07/03/2022 04:49

It's such an unprofessional thing to do though, to give someone feedback like that - it opens the company up to the danger that you would sue them for unfair dismissal - that I still think your employers were arseholes, and you shouldn't set too much store by what they say.

Also, in getting jobs, I wouldn't frame it as a question of whether or not you are likeable or not - it will more be a matter of whether they think you have the emotional skills to do the job - do you have initiative, can you organise yourself, how do you overcome problems - as well as interpersonal skills like resolving conflicts with other people or deciding how to collaborate on a piece of work. I've seen it happen several times that someone came for interview and we all liked them but they didn't get the job because their emotional skill set didn't complement the group.

AbsentmindedWoman · 07/03/2022 05:04

Did they give any examples of things that you said, that were their reason for saying you should get a job where you don't need to speak to people?

Can you give any examples of things you said that were nasty etc?

I really doubt it's you OP. Or at least not in the way you seem to think. It sounds more like your self esteem and confidence have been eaten away over years of being excluded or ostracised as school, and it has now become entrenched - you believe you have something wrong with you, so you keep yourself to yourself, and unkind people make you a scapegoat.

BlueSlate · 07/03/2022 07:17

@Stompythedinosaur

I don't think you need a job on your own, just a job where your colleagues aren't arseholes.

It could be that the OP is the arsehole...

Posting on MN about doesn't automatically make her in the right.

Paperyfish · 07/03/2022 07:24

My husband works in IT and can seemly go days without having to speak to a colleague. I quite like him though, and speak to him!
I wouldn’t rule out the problem being them, not you though.
What job would you want if this wasn’t your concern?

Zampa · 07/03/2022 07:27

I have workmates who I have an ok relationship with until a third person shows up and then they're exchanging glances and smirking when I speak

Whilst I appreciate that you perceived this as happening, maybe your insecurities made you see this rather than what was actually happening?

boomoohoo · 07/03/2022 07:27

Op I'm sorry to hear this, it's such a strong and harsh thing to say about yourself.. would you say you struggle with relationships, struggle to relate to people?
You say it's fine until a 3 dynamic comes along. Perhaps you feel threatened by this dynamic and so behave differently, which then leads to rupture.

NotTerfNorCis · 07/03/2022 07:28

Has anyone ever given you actual reasons why they 'don't like' you? Is there something you could work on there?

BlueSlate · 07/03/2022 07:31

I wouldn’t rule out the problem being them, not you though.

With every single person she has ever worked with?

Maybe you're all right and every colleague/manager the OP has ever had is an arsehole but if this is a problem that keeps arising, it might well be the case that it is the OP who is doing/saying things that make her the 'arsehole' or the 'problem' and just constantly being 'nice' and telling her it's everyone else and can't possibly be her is making you feel better but not helping her.

It doesn't mean she is permanently unlikeable but it is quite likely that she is doing/saying things that rub people up the wrong way and making things difficult for herself.

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