Careers for unlikeable people

[Notatio]

I've never really been liked by anybody. I had very few friends as a child and I've had none at all since I was a preteen. I was managed out of my first proper job and they told me to get a job where I never have to speak to anybody. Obviously, jobs where you have no colleagues, manager, customers, clients, etc. to talk to are basically non-existent so as much as I'm not against the suggestion that I stay away from people, it's easier said than done.

I work in retail and have worked in warehouses in the past. I'm fairly intelligent and a hard worker so I do ok in unskilled work. I don't need to be babysat like some people and get to work alone most of the time so nobody's that fussed that people dislike me.

Is there another option? I feel like there are probably individual workplaces that would tolerate me but there's no way of knowing that in advance. It's not like you can call up and ask if they're ok with hiring somebody nobody will like.

I don’t think evading people forever is the answer.

What specifically do you do that people find so problematic?

Why don’t you think it could be a neurodiversity issue?

If you do want to avoid people, ethical hacking is a good option. You can teach yourself all sorts with online materials and it’s possible to make extremely good money as a bug bounty hunter etc without leaving your room or intersecting with people in a meaningful way.

That's a horrible thing for your old employer to say!

Become a traffic warden and ticket all their cars 😂

My friend had a couple of directors who were absolutely hideous to her. They continually criticised her.

A very tiny proportion was probably relevant but most of it wasn't. The pair of them were just complete and utter arseholes. I continually told her that they were poor managers and to ignore their comments. Thankfully she has moved on and is doing really well in her new job.

A good manager would never ever tell someone that so it says far more about them than it does about you. Do not let those people be your judge.

Everyone has talents and things they are good at. You just need to find yours. Dip your toe in the water of something new and see how it goes. Please don't let one or two people dent your confidence.

Are you in work at the moment? If you are could you arrange a development meeting and ask for feedback on you interpersonal skills? It could give you some insight. Or perhaps ask your family for honest feedback? It would be easier to ask a counsellor for help to work on conversation skills/controlling anger/social anxiety or whatever the specific issue is than it is to get help by saying no-one likes you, because they don't know the reality. Have you tried the myers-briggs personality test? You can search for careers based upon your result to it. I found that really helpful for myself, as I score 100% introverted and an introvert friendly workplace is something I look for more than what the job is. I would think finding a job you really love doing could help, that would shine through especially if you're good at it.

How old are you, OP?

And what qualifications do you have?

(If nothing beyond school exams, was there a reason for that? Or are you just starting out?)

Generally, the better qualified you are, the more you can arrange your working life to play to your strengths - so it would be well worth your while to gain more qualifications.

Not gonna lie, I told someone they need a job more suitable for them too because they were really really shit to the customers which affects me as I was getting bad reviews because of it. And she was terrible. Rude, lazy, uninterested. No point in lying if you have to let them go, I genuinely told her for her own good why she wasn't right for my place, in the hope she will sort it out

I can relate OP. I think as I get older I’m reaching a point where I don’t give as many shits if they like me but it still hurts.
My last job I worked alone with small amount of contact with clients in person a couple times a week by phone and for meetings. Other than that I was on my own. I quite liked it most of the time, I always felt people didn’t ‘get’ me more so than not like me, could it be that do you think?

I was then a SAHM for ten years and I really had no contacts, I have been quite lonely through that. Husband goes out for pints with his pals and I wish I had someone to meet for a drink sometimes.

Are there people that you like? What do they do?

What would you do for a living if this wasn't an issue?

@TheBigPeach - you need the lovely new Mature Study and Retraining board, here:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/mature_students

Loads of threads from former SAHPs who’ve studied or trained for new jobs. Perhaps you’ll find something that inspires you to move forward.

I don't think you're unlikeable.

But to answer your question I was working on the phones for ten years and I had enough of my voice really so I've actually gone into admin/ data entry no one's talks as we're all busy and you can just get on with it.

Hi OP, I think you're me.

I worked for a company for 14 years. Made 0 friends.
Im 42 and haven't had a proper friend since secondary school, and that one dropped me as soon as they found people that liked alcohol and partying as much as they did.

It's hard for people to grasp that there are people that it's almost impossible to warm too, I'm one of them. In my case, I'm very 'cold' logical and I simply dont really care about other people, they're an annoyance and a hindrance more than a resource I need. The schizoid personality disorder is close to how I am so may be worth a Google for you.

Anywho.

As for jobs.

I like excel too, I taught myself, as it's kind of logical and works to set rules, I enjoy it.
Things you could use it for, book keeping courses and go self.employed.
Data entry in a small back office or cubicle etc.
Then there's dog walking and animal sitting, the people are on holiday or at work so you won't see them.
Self employed cleaner, people are out when you're there.
Night work, if possible, stacking shelves in a supermarket, few customers but the retail staff can often be those 'happy and excitable' types that can fuck off and die in a ditch, so that can be tough.

Driving jobs are also a good solitary option. Parcel deliveries more than food etc. If you drive, have a look at Amazon, they do a thing called 'Flex' where just about anyone can drive for them. When I looked into it, i live too far from a collection depot to make it feasible unfortunately.

Good luck op.

@Notatio

I've never really been liked by anybody. I had very few friends as a child and I've had none at all since I was a preteen. I was managed out of my first proper job and they told me to get a job where I never have to speak to anybody. Obviously, jobs where you have no colleagues, manager, customers, clients, etc. to talk to are basically non-existent so as much as I'm not against the suggestion that I stay away from people, it's easier said than done.

I work in retail and have worked in warehouses in the past. I'm fairly intelligent and a hard worker so I do ok in unskilled work. I don't need to be babysat like some people and get to work alone most of the time so nobody's that fussed that people dislike me.

Is there another option? I feel like there are probably individual workplaces that would tolerate me but there's no way of knowing that in advance. It's not like you can call up and ask if they're ok with hiring somebody nobody will like.

Describe your day to day interactions with people forgive examples of how you think you are ?

To give

I agree with others that saying everyone the Op has ever worked with is an arsehole isn’t helpful.

But Op, it’s also not helpful to just accept that you are unlikeable and give up. For whatever reason, it’s likely you come across in a way that encourages others to avoid interaction with you and it’s likely you are entirely unaware of what cues you are giving off that cause that. Personalities can develop in lots of different ways and if these issues began in childhood it’s possibly that you took some sort of knock emotionally as a child that stopped you from learning the skills you would otherwise have developed. It isn’t easy to change your behaviour but step one is recognising there is an issue, which you have. Now you need help to identify traits you need to disguise or overcome and strategies to respond in more ‘socially acceptable’ ways. But practice does make perfect. Why not try to change the situation?

If you can afford to, perhaps book a session with a psychologist who specialises in personality assessments. You can search here and narrow to your location and select personality assessment on the drop down list.

portal.bps.org.uk/Psychologist-Search/Directory-of-Chartered-Psychologists

Best of luck! And hope this approach opens up all workplaces to you.

I think Mary has given you some great suggestions OP. The only thing about running your own business is that you might have to do some sort of networking to find customers in the beginning and that can be hard if you are not a people person.

I do think that people need to be more tolerant of difference generally - not just the obvious like gender/sex and race, but personality types. It might well be worth doing some personality tests online - they will help you understand yourself more, and also maybe the bits of your personality that people find annoying but that you can perhaps mask when you have to deal with people.

A WFH job with few meetings would probably suit you. But yes, if you like dogs, dog walking and grooming is a growth area and you only have to deal with the people to arrange times and get money, which could also largely be done by email/messaging and bank transfer.

I also think it would be helpful if you could give us some examples of interactions.

However, I don't think anyone is completely unlikeable - on a superficial level at least, and you need a workplace where people get on with their jobs and don't feel the need to be best buddies and know each other's innermost thoughts!

It also depends if it upsets or distressed you that you aren’t liked or if you don’t care (as opposed to persuading yourself that you ‘don’t care’, which is different!). Some people really don’t care and don’t need or want others. But many do. And these issues can limit your earning potential too, so if you need higher paid roles it may be worth tackling head on.

Do you believe you are unlikeable? Maybe you haven’t found your ‘people’ yet! I certainly wouldn’t allow a manager to make me feel I need a job that means I’m isolated (unless that’s what I wanted) . Do you actually want that? I think you should take the time to discover more about yourself, ask yourself how things can be improved, not just at work but generally. And I don’t mean just improving yourself, I mean being with people at work that don’t feel they can say things like that to you. It’s good to have constructive criticism, but not good to be put out in the cold with no help as to what you can do to make things better

@AnxiousHeffalump

I’m unlikable and I’m a teacher. I’m popular with the kids, but not with colleagues, so I have as little to do with (most of) them as possible.

Yes, I know someone who is very hard to like: fragile self esteem, grandiose ideas, always wanting special treatment. She seems to manage ok with jobs with young children!

My husband is a software developer. He works from home and hardly interacts with anyone.

I genuinely don't believe you are truly unlikeable though. I think you've just had bad experiences with people who have been unkind to you.

I bet no one has said the same to your male colleagues.
I'm not very good at friendships @Notatio. I am close to my family and have a very small number of close friends, but I've never been a popular person, I'm too quiet in groups and probably awkward. I am good with my customers, which is the main thing for me. The nice thing about when I hit 40 was that I no longer minded that I wasn't popular. We as women are conditioned to be people pleasers, and I think as long as you aren't unkind or unpleasant, then there is nothing wrong with you.

OP, are you quite young? I’m asking because in my first job, in my early 20s, I was continually given “feedback” that I was unapproachable, abrupt and unlikeable. I believed it and developed a real complex about it, to the point I was treading on eggshells convinced that everyone hated me. It wasn’t even remotely true, I was just more plain-spoken and opinionated than those people thought a young woman ought to be.

I think it’s important to find a work environment that you feel comfortable and natural in, though, that plays to your strengths and doesn’t make you feel you have to work hard and be someone you’re not to fit in. But I’d advise you to think about what you’re good at and what you enjoy, rather than feeling you should hide away like some kind of socially unacceptable troll. Don’t allow what a bad manager has told you to become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

I wonder if there is some paranoia here? Even if you were horrible, it is unlikely that your colleagues (who got on reasonably well with you one-on-one) would always start smirking and eye rolling when another person enters the room. I just don't believe that always happens.

What might be happening is that your colleagues prefer other people to you, and get on better with them, and you are interpreting this as dislike.

Anyway, from my experience, if you are very very good at an essential role then you could be a psychopath with blood dripping from your teeth and still be welcomed. IT, plumbing, that sort of thing.

[quote TottersBlankly]**@TheBigPeach - you need the lovely new Mature Study and Retraining board, here:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/mature_students

Loads of threads from former SAHPs who’ve studied or trained for new jobs. Perhaps you’ll find something that inspires you to move forward.[/quote]
Thanks so much 🥰I’m actually at college at the moment, updating my skills and hopefully will be back to work again soon. I’ll definitely check that out though!