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Original poster

Tall children - do you or others treat them as if they were older?

78 replies

LifeGoesOn222 · 05/03/2022 08:14

If you have children who are very big/tall for their age, do you find that either you or other people treat them as if they were older than their actual age and expect more from them? Has this caused any problems?

OP posts:
Sally872 · 05/03/2022 08:16

Don't have tall children but this does happen to my nephew. Of course if a child looks older people will think he is older. I wouldn't worry about it though being tall has advantages too.

Sally872 · 05/03/2022 08:17

I think the closer the person the more likely they are to remember real age though.

Caspianberg · 05/03/2022 08:17

Yes to an extent. Ds is tall. I think people expect him to do things a child 2-3 years old would do. Shock he naps in pram, and that he makes a mess eating.
He’s not even 2 yet.

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autumnboys · 05/03/2022 08:19

It definitely does happen. People can be a bit judgemental about dummies/speech/nappies/buggies because they assume the child is older.

Hollyhead · 05/03/2022 08:19

Yes I’ve had an 8 year old that looked 11, not just in height but also had quite a mature face from a young age. I used to lose my shit with him too often because even I would forget his true age! I adjusted my head and we’re all much more harmonious now!

DragonMamma · 05/03/2022 08:19

Mostly strangers did but yes, they did in general. DS has mostly been a head taller than his peers but he’s still very young for his age (11) so that can be fun 😬

Fridafever · 05/03/2022 08:25

We had the opposite - DS was tiny and people were really shocked when he could talk and feed himself. I look after my nephew sometimes and really notice the difference. Overall it’s massively advantageous to be taller though if that makes you feel better!

MakkaPakkas · 05/03/2022 08:26

Yes, what @autumnboys said. I had comments about DS being too big for a buggy & people expected more of him when he was a toddler. He's now a 6 foot 4 13 year old and in restaurants people have brought him complimentary alcoholic drinks, occasionally you get more adult themes in conversation than are appropriate for his age from those who don't know him. He also has to adjust early to the idea that he could be seen as scary by adult women, which is hard because he's the softest most timid kid.
On the plus side, high expectations when he was younger were not a bad thing and he's got a bit of protection against bullying no one really tries it.

mummyof2boys30 · 05/03/2022 08:28

Yes my 9 year old is way taller than his 12 year old brother. Wears 13-14 clothing. He also has SEN which means his behaviour is much younger than his age. Makes things very awkward at times

SunflowerSmith · 05/03/2022 08:29

Dd has always been tall, people comment on it all the time but I've never experienced any negativity.
She's now 8 and in age 11 clothes.

MrsRobinsonsHandprints · 05/03/2022 08:30

Are you writing an article?

ANameChangeAgain · 05/03/2022 08:31

Strangers certainly did with my dc.
At junior school they hated their height and were very self conscious of standing out.
Once at senior school when out with friends my dc would have to be the spokesperson for the group. It made them grow up faster and gain confidence in a way, as they took pride in the fact that adults treated them as older. My dc became the group leader because of it.

Coffeekam · 05/03/2022 08:40

I know a boy who is my sons age but has always looked 3-4 years older and I do struggle to remember he is not actually older. It happens all the time his mum says.

Original poster
LifeGoesOn222 · 05/03/2022 08:44

@MrsRobinsonsHandprints

Are you writing an article?
No. I am asking this because I have a very tall child (4 but in 6-7 clothing). People do seem to expect a lot more of him than his shorter friends, who tend to be more 'babied'. He's generally very gentle and cooperative so this is usually ok, but sometimes I have to remind myself that he is still a very young child and shouldn't be treated more harshly than others just because he looks older.
OP posts:
HardbackWriter · 05/03/2022 08:45

I had this as a child and so does my three year old. Both of us are summer babies but still the tallest in our year group. I did once have to remind nursery that DS is a year younger than some of the others and they clearly had forgotten. A random woman in a shop told me I was too old for toys when I was seven Confused Like others have said it's a mixed blessing, though. I used to be jealous of the way the really petite girls were babied and indulged at school but it didn't do them any long-term favours.

AlaskaThunderfuckHiiiiiiiii · 05/03/2022 08:47

Yes my DS is 9 and very tall for his age, always has been, when he started primary school and the few years after it was always brought up how he reacted to things emotionally etc but always thought that people think he should act older as he looks older but is only young

SmallOrFarAway · 05/03/2022 08:51

Yes my son is very tall for his age (7 and needs age 9 clothes for the length) but has ASD, anxiety and other issues and is mentally, socially and emotionally perhaps a bit younger than 7. People often seem surprised he needs lots of reassurance or encouragement from me and can say things like 'oh he's a big boy, let him do X'. It's not that I'm stopping him at all, it's just that he needs me to explain X clearly then check in how he feels about doing it! I suppose to others he appears older so it seems like I'm really babying or coddling him but I know him and just want him to feel as safe as possible.

Duracellbunnywannabe · 05/03/2022 08:53

DD1 is especially tall for her age, she also hit mile stones on the early side but not exceptional so (walking 11 months, amazing speaking, fully potty trained at 24 months) so many people thought she was older than she was. Unfortunately she was typical toddler who would snatch toys and have epic tantrums and I would get a lot more looks and snarky comments about her behaviour and how she should know better at he age.

ShoesCoatandBag · 05/03/2022 09:01

Yes. People tend to treat both of my DC as if they are the same age (and have done since they were 2 and 4). Thankful DC2 is a gentle giant.

Now they are teens I think DC2 has it easier. On the plus side DC1 has excellent posture trying to make sure he is still taller (there is less than a cm in it)

youdoyoutoday · 05/03/2022 09:06

Yes my DS has always been tall for his age, at least a couple of clothes sizes up.
At a party, a boy older than him who was shorter was teasing him and him only being 3 did cry a lot, people were very judgey.
Also when I used reigns on him whilst out, he was out of the pram walking about a lot but my god, would he run given the chance so I had to use reigns and wrap the strap around my wrist and hold his hands so if I had to let go of his hand to get my travel card or something, he couldn't dash off.

When he started primary school, he was his head high above most of the class, I sometimes forget he's only 8 as I'm buying him age 11 clothes!

TrendingNowt · 05/03/2022 09:08

I don't but others do.
Shorter but older children are treated more kindly and babied.

FlippyFloppyFlappy · 05/03/2022 09:08

My 12 year old nephew is 5ft 9 and looks way older than he is, he's literally as tall as some of his (male) teachers. He is definitely treated as older than he is, which is a shame because it's perfectly evident he's 12 when you talk to him, he just looks like a big imposing mid-teen.

Applesandpears23 · 05/03/2022 09:10

Yes definitely. My eldest is really tall and my youngest really short. I remember my eldest being asked if she played a musical instrument and when she didn’t even understand the question I had to explain she was only just 3. Whilst my youngest was offered help with stairs by an anxious stranger today. She is nearly 5!

HardbackWriter · 05/03/2022 09:10

Obviously this isn't much comfort as a parent but once I hit about 15 I absolutely loved that everyone thought I was older because I could easily get into pubs and clubs...!

BertieBotts · 05/03/2022 09:12

Yes but it was only momentary and didn't really matter.