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Original poster

Tall children - do you or others treat them as if they were older?

78 replies

LifeGoesOn222 · 05/03/2022 08:14

If you have children who are very big/tall for their age, do you find that either you or other people treat them as if they were older than their actual age and expect more from them? Has this caused any problems?

OP posts:
Daisydaisydaisydaisydaisy · 05/03/2022 09:12

I am on the other side of this, as DS looks very young. People are impressed with his remarkable motor and linguistic skills until I reveal his age!

mommybear1 · 05/03/2022 09:12

Same OP my DS is 4 and in 6-7 clothing for height only my seamstress skills at taking in his waist have improved massively Grin. I find other kids to be a bit of an issue, for example he's in school nursery and has been learning the Abc song and now sings it very loudly in his swimming classes other parents and kids have laughed at him as they find it quite babyish I've had to remind the swimming teacher he is only 4 as he is the youngest in the class but looks like the oldest Confused.

HoneyFlowers · 05/03/2022 09:13

Yes my child looks and acts years beyond the actual age.

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Original poster
LifeGoesOn222 · 05/03/2022 09:16

It does worry me a bit. I don't think high expectations are necessarily a bad thing, but I don't want DS to feel hurried through his childhood because of his height.

OP posts:
Traumdeuter · 05/03/2022 09:17

A little - DS is tall and people think he’s 3-4 when he’s actually just two.

Works the other way around as well. My niece is very small (both parents are 5 foot 4) and when she was 8-9, would often get mistaken for a much younger child by strangers

FlippyFloppyFlappy · 05/03/2022 09:17

To be honest though I don't know if their size when under 10 is really an indicator. My 5ft 9 nephew was always averaged sized until he was 11, whereas my daughter looked like she was going to be tall at that age but is now just 5ft 5 at 17.

Hoppinggreen · 05/03/2022 09:17

Yep
DS is now a 6ft 13 year old and has always been tall. We had “why isn’t he at school?” from around age 3 and funny looks when he acted like a 2 year old but looked 4 or 5
He did/still does get treated like he has SN sometimes in shops etc when he’s fumbling money or similar. His older sister took him shopping when he was just 12 and said she actually had to step in and tell a sales assistant he was “12, not stupid”, although knowing DD she probably did it more politely than that

GiantSpider · 05/03/2022 09:19

My DC are tall and this does happen occasionally. I remember a stranger saying to me "can't he walk?" when I was carrying DS - he was 7 months old!

The good thing is that it doesn't happen at school (because obviously they're split by year group), which is where the expectations of other adults really matter.

LadyEloise1 · 05/03/2022 09:25

Yes people definitely treated my tall dcs as older than their actual age when they were younger. More was expected of them.

KitKattaktik · 05/03/2022 09:25

DD is tall and from the age of 3 I was getting comments like "too old for a buggy" "should be in school" "too old for this (soft play) session, it's for under 5's" it's amazing how other parents are so judgemental!

Coldgreenman · 05/03/2022 09:30

Yes. I was absurdly tall as a child and people treated me as older. I also felt that I should be more mature, because people expected me to be. I was bullied for my height and spent a lot of my teenage years feeling huge (whereas photos show a very slim young woman). It was often the first thing people would say:"ooh, you're tall aren't you?" Which made me horribly self conscious. But it was great for getting in underage.

As an adult though I love it. I can put on a bit of weight and still look slim. I stride. I'm about the same height as the average man.

MotherOfAllZipFiles · 05/03/2022 09:33

I have 2 DDs are very tall for their age
My eldest is 7 but looks about 12, and wears 12 year old clothes
Unfortunately some clothes are very old for her age and i have resorted to buying things like boys shorts/ tshirts as they are longer and look more child like

Sadly i have noticed her being gawped at a couple of times by men, and at 7 its not something she should have to put up with

My youngest DD is just turned 5 and i posted about it here recently, about a hospital visit in which the staff were quite rude to her when she was distressed, telling her to grow up and " little sick children dont need to here you carry on"
Also talking to her as if she was ALOT older than she was
They had to be repeatedly reminded she is 4 ( which she was at the time)

Being a tall child seems to be a blessing and a curse sometimes

Blanketpolicy · 05/03/2022 09:44

Ds is tall, we deferred him at school (Scotland) so he was also the oldest in his year and significantly taller than the rest of the class.

Occasionally people would say he has his head screwed on right or is a sensible lad, which is understandable as he was the oldest, but otherwise I have never seen him being treated any differently from his peers at all either at school, clubs, family or friends.

SartresSoul · 05/03/2022 09:57

My brother was always very tall and broad for his age and once in a softplay when he was no older than three a Mum came over to him and honestly started screaming in his face for some misdemeanour typical of a toddler. My Mum flew over and when she told her he was only three the other Mum recoiled in horror, she thought he was at least 5 or 6. Not that it would be acceptable to scream at someone’s 5 year old but you know…

He was often mistaken for an older child, Mum had to take his passport if we were going somewhere where under 5’s went free because no one believed her. He’s 6 ft 2 now and still very broad, like a big rugby player.

BigPurpleEgg · 05/03/2022 10:05

I've had both sides of this. DSD is very tall and was very poorly behaved as a toddler, so we got a LOT of dirty looks and head shakes when what appeared to be a 5 year old was screaming and swearing and hitting us in public. Whereas my DD was tiny for her age and her hair took ages to grow, so people would double take at what looked like a baby talking in full sentences. Theyre almost the same age so the difference was very pronounced when they were little and people 100% treated them differently (not us obviously!). They're both teenagers now and although DSD is still taller, DD actually looks older as shes quite well developed - she absolutely loves that people can finally see shes the big sister haha

Ijsbear · 05/03/2022 10:06

Younger son's best friend is 7 and is almost as tall as his (average sized) mum. My son is a shrimp. They are hilarious together!

I have to watch it though; my son is very bright and mischievous and more than capable of getting them both into trouble and then because his friend looks older, he gets more blame. Warned his teachers and luckily they're both very good about seeing what's really going on.

Daisydaisydaisydaisydaisy · 05/03/2022 10:08

It was often the first thing people would say:"ooh, you're tall aren't you?"

Why on earth people do this, I have no clue!

I’m not tall at all - both DH and I are slightly below average height - but I did have a boyfriend when I was younger who was around 6’4 and he used to get so politely weary with being told six or seven times a day that he was tall. He knew!

Jduh · 05/03/2022 10:15

My DD1 is quite tall for her age and always has been. I often have to remind myself she's only 6 and I know others have said the same.
It hasn't caused any problems so far but I make an effort to check myself.

Landlubber2019 · 05/03/2022 10:19

Yes, when the kids were younger they were definitely judged for behaving badly, when they were acting age appropriately. It made me feel like a terrible parent 😩

Hoppinggreen · 05/03/2022 10:28

I agree with the behaviour expectations.
A boy much smaller than DS kept attacking him at Pre school and some staff members seemed to think it was funny but DS really was scared of this boy. Luckily the manager did deal with it appropriately

ExplodingCarrots · 05/03/2022 10:30

Yep we've had this with myDD. She's always been tall and when she was a lot younger people would chat to her like she was older. I was also 'told off' by someone for DDs poor speech because 'a kid her age should be able to speak properly now' She was 2 and the person thought she was 4/5 🤦‍♀️.

She's 8 and a half now and in 12-13 clothes. She's almost my height and towers above her class. She's also started puberty at 7. I really feel for her. Every single day, someone will comment 'wow she's tall isn't she' or 'omg have you grown again'. Luckily she laughs it off . We also get 'why are you walking your child to school, she's a bit old isn't she ?' Again they think she's in secondary.

Sunnysidegold · 05/03/2022 10:32

One of my kids is v tall for his age and always has been. It was a bit annoying when he was two but looked about the size of a four year old when he'd be behaving like a two year old in say soft play. Lately it's been people saying he should be wearing a mask as he looks like a teenager but is only 11.

Twizbe · 05/03/2022 10:36

Yes. We're a tall family. I'm 6ft, DH is 6'7, Ds is 122cm and just 5, DD is 101cm and just 3.

We've definitely had 'looks' when my kids have acted their age but people have assumed they're older.

Thankfully, having grown up tall DH and I know how this feels and can talk to the kids about their heights as they grow up.

Twizbe · 05/03/2022 10:38

On a personal story. When I was about 3 we went to the American Adventure theme park. I was in the soft play area and suddenly got dragged out by a member of staff. Apparently another parent had complained about the 'older child' I.e. me. They thought I was over 5 and shouldn't be in there.

My parents were livid and we spent the rest of the trip in the managers office arguing that I wasn't 5, I was 3 and I was allowed in there.

Mymsical · 05/03/2022 10:44

My 5 year old is the size of an 8 or 9 year old. It is horrible because people absolutely have higher expectations of him but his emotional development is at about the age of a 2 or 3 year old (adopted, attachment trauma) and he also has a significant speech disorder. Its hard in public spaces like swimming pools and softplay and parks because people expect so much more of him than he is capable of. He also has older children come up to him to play with him, who then kinda abandon the idea when they realise he isn't capable, which is really sad for him.