Been waiting for police for nearly 5 hours

[Realitea]

I called 999. They know if I call what it’s about and I need urgent police assistance
That was at 9pm
Called back at 10.30 - assured they’ll visit and said they’re busy
At what point do I give up? I have to be up in 4.5 hours for work! Not that I feel I could sleep anyway after what happened.

I'm struggling to feel sympathy. I had police called to my house recently. my son with mental health needs was smashing my head on the floor repeatedly and wouldnt stop. That to me is an emergency.

Yes that was an emergency. This is a different kind of emergency.
But you know what? you go right on and minimise stalking. And while you sit there in the Glow Of Self-Righteousness you might like to remember that stalking can lead to other things. And that at least 2 women a week are murdered by current or ex-partners.

You are one of the reasons that crimes against women aren't taken as seriously as they should be. Slow-Handclap.

I'm struggling to feel sympathy. I had police called to my house recently. my son with mental health needs was smashing my head on the floor repeatedly and wouldnt stop. That to me is an emergency.

Yes to you it was an emergency as it was happening to you, how would you feel if someone said well you should be able to control your child why do you need the police- ignorant, no? Same as suggesting a stalker is being outside their home isn't an emergency.

I think what @Notagoodnight was trying to say was there are different levels of emergency and immediate threat to life would be higher than a possible threat to life.
That’s not saying it’s okay for the OP to be in this position and in an ideal world Police would be able to respond to every 999 call but at the moment of calling OP was safe.
Police are having to make hard decisions just as the ambulance service is, when they have no staff.

I would try to find a burly friend who will come round in an emergency.
People can be supportive when someone is being threatened. Is there anyone?

@Crazydoglady1980

I think what *@Notagoodnight* was trying to say was there are different levels of emergency and immediate threat to life would be higher than a possible threat to life. That’s not saying it’s okay for the OP to be in this position and in an ideal world Police would be able to respond to every 999 call but at the moment of calling OP was safe. Police are having to make hard decisions just as the ambulance service is, when they have no staff.

I wouldn't feel very safe if the stalker I had an injunction out against was outside my house

Would you, really? Not knowing whether you'll be safe when you go to work? Not wanting to sleep because they were right there and could easily be there all night waiting for you?

Stalkers are dangerous. They've been known to threaten, assault and kill their victims. It's disgusting that the emergency services are so underfunded that people are having to be trapped in their homes for hours knowing their stalker could be right outside the front door when they leave.

The police call handler will have downgraded the call because you told them you had managed to reach a place of safety.

Not entirely satisfactory and possibly grounds for complaint as he could break in or be waiting for you if you have to go out eg to work or for food, or if he breaks in.

If he has broken an injunction with powers of arrest then he should be arrested and a delay might cause evidence to be lost. Do you have cctv, a camera system or mobile phone footage of what he did last night at all?

Also re the timing. Its almost as if he knew that the panic alarm would be taken back by the police after 30 days and timed his visit accordingly...

Hope this is handled better today by the police OP.

@Notagoodnight

Are you for real? Are you sure if you saw your son walking down your path you'd think, "Oh the door is locked, no problem here"?

I live in the same house as my son. I even sit on the same sofa and eat breakfast with him at the kitchen table most mornings. No I dont call the police on sight 🙄🙄🙄.

could have put him into care if it's that bad, you've diverted police away from crimes that actually matter"

Like someone standing on the other side of a locked door possibly thinking something bad? Give over. I think anyone would think the police attending someone on the other side of a locked door over someone actually being assaulted was nuts Also FWIW the threat is serious enough my son going into fully into care is a daily possibility however it would be a massive problem for social services.

I'm not saying nothing should be done but I'm not sure it's an emergency. If I was that scared of someone I would have been driving straight off and staying with a friend until I could deal with it the next day, I definitely would not be walking past him to get inside my house. Then call the police because it was an emergency he was there🙄

So you'd drive off and risk him getting in his car, following you and maybe trying to run you off the road?

Lead him to your safe place (friends house) so he can stalk you there instead?

Stalkers are dangerous. OP 100% did the right thing to ring 999 and I think it's pretty disgusting that you're telling her that she shouldn't be "that scared" of her stalker because there are other people who have it worse.

FFS. Threads like these really put me off ever asking for any advice on this site.

Hope your ok op.

I was a teenager when a neighbour started stalking me. It's terrifying and it was awful the way it made me feel. I used to have to call the police when he broke the interdict that had been issued. I get why you feel the way you do and you have every right to feel that way.

I hope you got some sleep and that they are gone. I truly hope the police help this morning x

I presume the police call handlers have to prioritise 999 calls just as ambulance call handlers do.

We seem to believe that a 999 call prompts a response within minutes but calls will be prioritised according to the level of immediate threat, I would imagine. The OP was not in immediate danger and was behind a locked door and thus her call was ‘triaged’ accordingly. It’s not ideal, obviously, but this is the government the public democratically voted for, funding cuts to police and health services and all, so this is where we are.

My friend had a stalker and vvvv lucky to be alive. Yanbu. This is 999 and urgent. Re notagoodnight not going to comment. She totally wrong as stalking is vvvvvv dangerous

@Crazydoglady1980

I think what *@Notagoodnight* was trying to say was there are different levels of emergency and immediate threat to life would be higher than a possible threat to life. That’s not saying it’s okay for the OP to be in this position and in an ideal world Police would be able to respond to every 999 call but at the moment of calling OP was safe. Police are having to make hard decisions just as the ambulance service is, when they have no staff.

This. Police are literally fire fighting these days thanks to years of government cuts and new recruits leaving. Whilst you were right to call 999, once you were indoors and ‘safe’ your call was no longer immediate. In an ideal world ( ie a few years ago) police would have responded straight away, checked the immediate area and dealt. Now they have to prioritise. I’m sure you will be seen and a statement will be taken. I’d ring 101 this morning to ask for an incident number and see what is happening. You should still ring 999 if this happens again. If it’s domestic related ask for an IDVA, they will help you with target hardening of your property

Utterly disgraceful. I actually wish the DM would pick this up.

That's awful. I hope you've been able to stay safe and the Police are with you soon and can arrest them. I've been thru stalking myself from my ex partner and it's described as murder in slow motion and very much an emergency.

I don't know if you've had an support from Paladin or the National Stalking Helpline but they are fantastic at making sure the police take Stalking seriously. They usually have a SPOC in each area who they can liaise with to get your case looked at and I found once they did that the Police took it much more seriously.

Unfortunately in my case CPS always took it down to 2A stalking/harassment rather than getting a conviction against my ex for 4A stalking (fear of harm - I was terrified) and it was impossible despite him breaching the restraining order 16 times! I was in fear for my life and spent 7 months in a women's refuge but still he didn't give up. Eventually he got sentenced to 20 months in prison and came out halfway thru on license, breached it and got sent back to prison. I had to change mine and my girls lives upside down to keep us safe whilst he would go to prison and on release be helped to settle back in my area despite having no family ties whilst I had to pay a ridiculous amount to get settled in my new home all because I work.

I hope your stalker is arrested and sentenced to time in prison so you can start to rebuild your life. I'm 5 years on and 2 years since the last 'incident' and am much stronger now and no longer trapped in the 'fight or flight' cycle.

@Buildingthefuture

My god! I’m so sorry op, how utterly terrifying for you. I hope they’ve turned up but i would kick up the most almighty stink. What is the point of going to the effort of getting an injunction if no one enforces it? I would be on to the chief Constable, my MP and definitely the press. After the awful Sarah Everard case, safe guarding of women is supposed to be a far higher priority but I think you will have to force them to be more responsive. Stalking is a dreadful crime and can escalate quickly. Do whatever is necessary to ensure you are protected.

Absolutely this. The police have time to arrest women for putting up stickers about violence against women and girls but not enough time to protect women and girls against predatory men.

@TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross

I presume the police call handlers have to prioritise 999 calls just as ambulance call handlers do.

We seem to believe that a 999 call prompts a response within minutes but calls will be prioritised according to the level of immediate threat, I would imagine. The OP was not in immediate danger and was behind a locked door and thus her call was ‘triaged’ accordingly. It’s not ideal, obviously, but this is the government the public democratically voted for, funding cuts to police and health services and all, so this is where we are.

Why do you think she wasn't in immediate danger?

Stalkers can and do break into homes and kill their victims.

@Notagoodnight, I really cannot believe your comment apart from anything else, it was totally irrelevant.

I hope that the police are with you op? 💐💐💐💐

We know too well that very often women's reports to police are only considered an emergency once they've been killed.

By that point it really isn't an emergency is it?

I hope you are OK @Realitea

I'm appalled at some of the comments on here. Op I hope you're ok. I know that if police have given you a panic alarm and you have an injunction that this must be very serious.

At the very least the op was scared and needed some advice and support and some of you just put the boot in while they were down. Shame on you.

Would it of hurt too much to just support or reassure the op!!! Instead of insinuating she's wasting police time! I can assure you the police will have advised her to call 999 if the stalker made any contact with them at all!.

Op my best wishes to you. I hope the police come today and deal with this. Stay strong x