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Original poster

Things you only realised about yourself when you were slightly older

89 replies

Ori18 · 01/03/2022 20:12

Was reflecting on how we become more knowing about ourselves as we get older. At the grand age of 39 I have realised I’m an introvert, always have been, always will be. And with the realisation, a lot of past experiences suddenly made sense. I spent a lot of time in the past wondering why I didn’t particularly like large groups of people, lots of noise, why I craved time alone. I thought there was a problem & I can see now that there wasn’t. I’ve been able to be so much more at peace since realising this! I understand why I feel overwhelmed by constant chatter, why I prefer one-on-one to big groups, & it’s great to have that level of acceptance.

What’s your realisation about yourself?

OP posts:

ICouldBeAnyone · 02/03/2022 09:14

That I’m quite odd and not good at the social norms and that’s why I’m not popular.

DS has ASD and as he has got older, and displayed certain behaviours which make his life difficult, I've realised that I too have similar difficulties. DM has always said how different I was from my siblings, how I’d do this, that the other as a child. I’m mid 40’s and it’s been a punch in the gut to realise that I don’t fit in.

sunshineonroses · 02/03/2022 10:38

That I have absolutely no leadership qualities, and that's ok. After a lifetime of low paid, entry level jobs I have never been promoted to a better position. I applied a few times but was always rejected. One manager (kindly) told me I wasn't management material. It's disappointing, but I've accepted it.

TightPants · 02/03/2022 10:55

That I have ADHD

ThatsNotMyGolem · 02/03/2022 11:10

That my issues don't in fact come predominantly from being relinquished for adoption, but from the emotionally abusive woman who adopted me. It's been quite a revelation!

Phyllis321 · 02/03/2022 11:14

I'm a strange mix of introvert and someone with no filter at all depending on the situation/company.

That most people believe deep down that they are on the edges of everything and don't really fit in.

kobacat1981 · 02/03/2022 11:17

That I have had ADHD all my life but only been diagnosed within the last few months. Now suddenly so many things make sense and I'm so much kinder to myself

ShinyPikachu · 02/03/2022 11:22

Like a pp I've realised after having a DC with ASD that I seem to recognise a lot of myself there too. A lot of ADHD things make sense to me too.

I now can't stop thinking about friendships I've lost and ways I reacted to different events and while it makes sense if I am ND I just feel so bad and wish I could apologise and explain to people and go back to change things.

I always thought I was an introvert but one who was extroverted with friends. But I think part of that is just that being social and masking things with most people is exhausting for me so I try to avoid that, but I can be myself with my friends. But that has obviously been too much for some friends in the past too.

fromagreatheight · 02/03/2022 11:28

That I didn't cause my mother's mental health issues, and I'm not secretly evil.

Also that I'm a bit of a Dr Dolittle –all the people's pets who are 'nervous of new people' and 'don't like strangers' are usually curled up on my lap or under my legs within minutes. Not sure what to do with whatever that is, but it's been a sweet thing to discover!

chachacharlie · 02/03/2022 11:36

That I am an introvert, not the extrovert I pretended to be. That I tried to please everyone and turned myself into a doormat that no-one respects. That I avoid conflict by making myself smaller & less of a target. That what I prize most in others is honesty and compassion.

Thankfully, I have begun to be more truthful to myself. It makes life easier. It hurts to know that I have thrown so much of myself away, because I am a LOT older, and it's too late.

ehb102 · 02/03/2022 11:45

That I am really sporty. I didn't think I was because I can't run. I came late to sports and love what I can do, none of which involves running!

watchtheglitterdustswirl · 02/03/2022 11:55

That I am not just an awkward introvert, I'm actually autistic and have ADHD.

That was quite eye opening!

Moonface123 · 02/03/2022 11:57

Although l dont like using labels my son refers to himself as an introvert, l have to stop myself from trying to mould him into something that fits my idea of how he should be, rather than accept him completely for who he is, and that goes for other people l know as well. This is what l have learnt as l have got older, to allow people to be themselves and that goes for myself as well.

Grinling · 02/03/2022 11:58

That my inner monologue is merciless, and that I have spent a lot of my life telling myself to get back up and keep battling, because I'm genuinely afraid that if I let myself off the hook even once, I will never get back up and keep going.

Also that I spent a lot of my earlier life masking my cleverness.

DearlyBeloathed · 02/03/2022 11:58

I'm a strange mix of introvert and someone with no filter at all depending on the situation/company

I am the exact same.

StarMouse879 · 02/03/2022 11:59

Although I'm introverted, I do actually need a bit more social contact than the rest of my family, so I need to make sure that happens even if they want to hide in the house.

I really don't enjoy managing other people - and that's OK.

Short hair suits me and I should have cut it years ago.

AnybodyAnywhere · 02/03/2022 12:00

I’m now 67 and I realise that when I was younger I was a complete twat 😒

CurryLover56 · 02/03/2022 12:01

That I am way stronger than I realised. I have been to rock bottom more than once but fought my way back up.

poorbuthappy · 02/03/2022 12:02

That I have ridiculously high standards regarding employers and I'm never going to find a job I'm truly happy in.

iwantmyownicecreamvan · 02/03/2022 12:07

@AnybodyAnywhere

I’m now 67 and I realise that when I was younger I was a complete twat 😒

I'm 66 and have come to much the same conclusion. (I think lots of other people are twats too though.)

Ambushedbycakeinmydreams · 02/03/2022 12:07

Lovely thread!

All you introverts, you sound like my kind of people. I think I'm a bit odd too but I manage to curb it with other people (fortunately my partner loves me for this so I feel quite fine about it now).

Traumdeuter · 02/03/2022 12:11

Another one who’s never going to be a leader/manager. I’m as high up the chain as I can get without people management and I’m going to have to stay here.

0blio · 02/03/2022 12:11

@DearlyBeloathed

I'm a strange mix of introvert and someone with no filter at all depending on the situation/company

I am the exact same.

Me too, I have never understood why I'm like this.

0blio · 02/03/2022 12:14

@AnybodyAnywhere

I’m now 67 and I realise that when I was younger I was a complete twat 😒

I'm a similar age and same here. I can't believe some of the things I did and said when I was younger. I suppose it's how we learn though - the wisdom of age and all that.

peachescariad · 02/03/2022 12:15

That I'm on the outside.
The realisation that I have to do the asking as no one asks me.
That the big friendship circles post uni/clubs/NCT/school mums didn't include me.

BoodleBug51 · 02/03/2022 12:16

I hate being around people that I don't know well. DH is a social butterfly and I've spent so many occasions dying inside just wanting to get away.

Now I've accepted who I am, he goes alone (that really pisses him off) and I don't put myself through it. It took age to find the confidence to do this.

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