Things you only realised about yourself when you were slightly older

[Ori18]

Was reflecting on how we become more knowing about ourselves as we get older. At the grand age of 39 I have realised I’m an introvert, always have been, always will be. And with the realisation, a lot of past experiences suddenly made sense. I spent a lot of time in the past wondering why I didn’t particularly like large groups of people, lots of noise, why I craved time alone. I thought there was a problem & I can see now that there wasn’t. I’ve been able to be so much more at peace since realising this! I understand why I feel overwhelmed by constant chatter, why I prefer one-on-one to big groups, & it’s great to have that level of acceptance.

What’s your realisation about yourself?

Just how much hearing loss affects your social functioning. We always used to talk down my hearing loss when I was a child because I didn’t want people feeling sorry for me, or assuming I couldn’t do stuff (like the choir mistress at primary school who wouldn’t let me join the choir ). I used to describe it as ‘mild to moderate’. I didn’t even wear my hearing aids for quite some years in my teens and twenties.

There’s no such thing as a ‘mild’ hearing loss. When you’ve had it all your life, it affects everything: your language processing, your social skills, your conversational timing. I realised why I hated the pop music my peers were so crazy about and preferred the clear melody lines of classical music. I couldn’t bear too much low frequency noise so insistent drum beats and the constant rumble of discos used to drive me mad. And there’s a certain pitch and type of female ensemble singing - think the Three Degrees - that makes very little sense to me musically. I think it may hit the worst spots of my hearing loss.

I'm a massive oversharer. Sit next to me in a queue or a waiting room and I'll naturally try and make conversation. It drives my teens mad!

I am increasingly grumpy and judgemental the older I get. I'm nearly 50. God help people in ten years or so!

That, like many on this thread, I am an introvert with ASD which has always caused me difficulty navigating my way through education, employment, relationships, friendships, social skills and life in general!
That I will never have a partner or family of my own.
That my quirks and oddities are what make me whk I am and not a weirdo! But it's okay - I will be retired in a couple of years and can spend the remainder of my life rattling around in my little cottage, just doing the things I enjoy, and which make me feel, if not happy, at least content, safe and secure.

The older I get the more I realize I found the perfect career for me. C'level management. I get to dabble in everything, high level; can get down in the weeds if I like and there is a need. I can work on ways to help people work smarter, not harder. I like all of these bits.

I am surprisingly realizing I'm an introvert (also early 60's!) which is so contrary to what I have been seen as, and played up. I love being alone. I get anxious if I have not had a solo walk, or some time to be by myself. I like pottering along, as well as working hard. As long as I get to choose what order I do it in.

I was also a bit of a twat in earlier years, but not much since around... 20 ish, maybe. I think I'm fairly nice and quite kind. Empathetic. Generous. I don't have a lot of patience though.

@Moonface123

Although l dont like using labels my son refers to himself as an introvert, l have to stop myself from trying to mould him into something that fits my idea of how he should be, rather than accept him completely for who he is, and that goes for other people l know as well. This is what l have learnt as l have got older, to allow people to be themselves and that goes for myself as well.

Love this. I have learnt this too. I am very accepting of my children and who they are and try to let them make their choices based on how they feel true, even if it means not "optimising" everything. It's not easy but It's what I believe is best in the long run. I am trying to accept myself and how I am. I believe that society is made up of all individuals and so " not fitting in" isn't really a thing. I am choosing my own path to suit me, ti might not be the most common but it is what it is because beating myself up over not fitting in does no-one any good

@AnybodyAnywhere

I’m now 67 and I realise that when I was younger I was a complete twat 😒

I am 42 but I agree. I wonder why anyone liked demanding, dramatic younger me

A bit like @sunshineonroses , I'm not leadership/management material, but then I didn't really think I ever would be. I thought maybe it would come with time, but it hasn't and I'm fine with that.

There's definitely something a bit different about me to other people. I have a husband I love but I am not romantic, I don't believe in 'The One' or being transported by passion. This may or may not be a good thing! I do keep emotional distance from people in some ways - friends are people I have fun with, not people I share my innermost self with.

On the positive side, I have never felt a need to compare myself to other people, I have almost never felt jealousy, I've always been totally happy with my body and my looks which are nothing special, but then they don't need to be and I'm totally fine with that. I feel sad that apparently most women don't feel this way.

I’ve discovered I am a myriad of contradictions

That I’m neither mad nor bad, I’m normal, and the reactions to what I went through as a kid are within the range of normal.

I’m good in a crisis because of where and when I grew up. I only realised this during the first lockdown.

I’m middle aged now and absolutely furious that I wasted my youth beating myself up for not being a cheerful and grateful soul, instead of recognising that there a good and useful side to the ability to thrive in trouble.

Oh and that I’m a country person. I’ve no idea how or why, I’ve always lived in cities.

I have realised this year that I don't need to live with my extreme level of anxiety I have experienced since teenage years, that my anxiety actually holds me back massively, and that medication is a solution.

That I am an extrovert and not the introvert I pretended to be. I get my energy from other people.

I have absolutely no patience

@AnybodyAnywhere

I’m now 67 and I realise that when I was younger I was a complete twat 😒

Me too. I can see the reasons why - it was a weird time to be a young woman.

My breakthrough was realising that the things that went wrong - for me and for others - were NOT MY FAULT, I should let others take the blame for their poor decisions.

I need to learn to stop being so soft and tell people aka my sisters no