Things you only realised about yourself when you were slightly older

[Ori18]

Was reflecting on how we become more knowing about ourselves as we get older. At the grand age of 39 I have realised I’m an introvert, always have been, always will be. And with the realisation, a lot of past experiences suddenly made sense. I spent a lot of time in the past wondering why I didn’t particularly like large groups of people, lots of noise, why I craved time alone. I thought there was a problem & I can see now that there wasn’t. I’ve been able to be so much more at peace since realising this! I understand why I feel overwhelmed by constant chatter, why I prefer one-on-one to big groups, & it’s great to have that level of acceptance.

What’s your realisation about yourself?

That I am more emotionally independent than I thought.

That it makes me deeply deeply happy to spend time by myself just pottering about or watching nature.

That I'm not as nice as I thought I was- and that's ok.

That I'm good at my job and many other things and that it's ok to be proud of that.

That most people in managerial positions aren't good at management. They just want the money and the prestige that comes with the job. I'm not chasing a management role but wouldn't say no if I was offered one.

That I'm really really lazy. Not in the 'slobbing about the sofa' sense, but in the 'lacking ambition' sense. I don't want to work really hard and have a fancy job and car and house and foreign holidays and all that, I just kind of want an easy life.

I have a decent job but it's part time and I have no desire for promotion or responsibility. I'd like more money, but I don't want to work for it and so I'm content with my lot. I'm quite unusual among my peers for this attitude and I used to be embarrassed about it, but I own it now and have realised that I'm actually a lot happier than a lot of people.

I'm 65 and I realised this year that I am long waisted. For years I have thought that dresses with waists didn't fit properly because of a manufacturing fault.

That a lifetime of people pleasing has effectively destroyed any plans of me ever progressing in a field I’m a bloody good worker in while others who have been hopeless but very good at selling themselves and putting their needs firmly first have progressed rapidly.

That I will always be a worrier and am unlikely to change (despite trying so hard)

That I am a the sort of mum to my dd that I wish I had had myself despite years of thinking I wasn’t as good a parent as my older sisters are.

1. I am actually reasonably clever. I am not as much an all rounder as one but more of an all rounder than the other. I am much better at maths than either of them.

Growing up I was sandwiched between a hard worker who could do everything (except music) and a younger one who people apparently caught their breath in awe. I got to mid 20s before realising that actually I did better than either.

1. I'm quite well liked. Never felt it-I always felt grateful to people for hanging round with me. Actually I know they liked me. Liked me a lot and I was liked by groups that I didn't hang round with too. I wish I'd realised that at school.

People do actually like talking to me and respect my opinion.

1. Being on your own can be nice. I always felt people were looking at me and whispering "she has no friends, that's why she's on her own." Now I love being on my own.

1. I don't like confrontation, but actually I'm not a pushover. I just do it quietly.

ADD here too.

Short hair is soooooo much easier and suits me.

I dont want to be promoted. I am a very intelligent ‘cog’ in the machine and attempts to force me to run the machine go badly.

I’m not that bothered about my area of work. I’d rather work part time and be with the kids.

I don’t really have friends as I’m too odd.

I have autistic traits.

Hello, fellow introverts, how nice to see you all. It was a massive relief when I accepted that I'm an introvert and stopped pretending to be gregarious. It was so exhausting! Fortunately my OH is the same.

I've also realised that I'm not playing constant catch-up as far as knowledge goes and actually I know quite a lot. My head is full of information, much of it useless, but some is very good. Someone can ask me a question and suddenly a whole data base in my mind opens up and there's all this stuff in there of related information, reams of it.

That I don’t think things through before acting, and my gut instinct is wrong more often than not.

As a result, I’ve now gone the other way and overthink/procrastinate to avoid making the wrong decision.

Both ways are exhausting 😂

Re monking, there's a film, Into Great Silence, a documentary about life in the Grande Chartreuse monastery. It's 162 mins and has no dialogue. I think the monks are allowed to talk occasionally, but spend almost all their time in contemplative silence, though they're permitted to write each other notes. They mainly stay in their quarters reading and praying and food is left at the door. It's a strange film but fascinating. www.imdb.com/title/tt0478160/

I am absolutely crap in a crisis. I need a few hours to sort through options and process before making decisions. I’d be hopeless as an A&E doctor and should never be a soldier.
I am however not too bad as a leader (in a low stress environment that is).
Also that I have enough confidence to be ‘that difficult woman’. I am quite proud of the title

That at 68 I no longer give a toss what people think about me, that actually I am quite nice and that my life will be what I make of it.
I am actually quite independent and capable too.

That I’m quite a positive and resilient person, I’m just not a people pleaser or particularly interested in Corporate-type stuff.

That I’ve now seen and done quite a lot, and as a result my judgment tends to be pretty good. I’m a good judge of character and good at predicting how people are likely to react and behave.

That I have very little interest in telling people what to do, and “leadership” actively makes me uncomfortable. I don’t like the responsibility and it takes me away from doing things I’m better at and enjoy more.

That the third point doesn’t in any way detract from the first two or mean that I’m less competent or valuable than people who do enjoy being leaders.

That I’m actually not shy, at all. And I really like people / am an extravert. I’ve been partially deaf since birth and didn’t wear hearing aids when younger and always put my reluctance to be sociable down to shyness. I only really started wearing them when I was in my last year at Uni and I totally blossomed. I made loads of new friends and had a brilliant year socially - tbh it set me up for life. I realised that I like people, a lot, even the annoying ones have their good points ( I just spend less time with them).

My get up and go, got up and left an awfully long time ago.

That I need better boundaries (working on it)!

I always thought I was an extrovert and confident. I actually suffer from high functioning anxiety and I'm more introvert, although I 'play a good game' at being an extrovert

Another introvert here, with Asperger traits

That I'm really confident in my work uniform. Out of it, I'm not.
I guess that I should just wear my uniform all the time!

I realise now I should have lived with my dad when I had the choice to do that my mental health would be much better instead a choose to stay with my alcoholic mother because felt like I needed to stay and help her.
I also realise I was jealous because my brother and sister lived with my dad and that why we didn't get on.

That I'm an introvert, that I probably have ADD and that the older you get,the more you learn about yourself, which I actually find quite heartening

@B1rdflyinghigh

That I'm really confident in my work uniform. Out of it, I'm not. I guess that I should just wear my uniform all the time!

I’m now trying to figure out whether you’re a situationally-confident cop/hotel receptionist/ surgeon/ supermarket worker/ nurse/soldier/chef/pilot…?

That I need more alone time than I realised. I always naturally got enough as a child and through early adulthood. It's since the DCs started talking that I noticed. I'm not a complete introvert though and I need a social mix of good friends and aquaintances.

I suspect that I'm neurodiverse, likely dyspraxic, possibly ADD. DS has dyspraxia and ASD. I frequently end up as a square peg in a round hole and my closest friends tend to be neurodiverse in some way. I'm not driven to conform. Organisation and procrastination are issues and I tend to approach things from unusual angles.

I realised in my 20s that I need a lot of exercise. If I don't have enough for more than a few days, I start getting twitchy in the night. In my 30s I realised that I can't stand still easily. I pace or rock or tap. Something is normally fidgeting.

I'm happy to join the mid/late 60s twat club! Or twat-no-longer, I hope. Oh, god, perhaps if I get to 80 I'll be looking back and realising what a twat I am now!

I actually love exercise - it was PE at school that was shit. Organised team sports put me off for years.