Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Things you only realised about yourself when you were slightly older

89 replies

Ori18 · 01/03/2022 20:12

Was reflecting on how we become more knowing about ourselves as we get older. At the grand age of 39 I have realised I’m an introvert, always have been, always will be. And with the realisation, a lot of past experiences suddenly made sense. I spent a lot of time in the past wondering why I didn’t particularly like large groups of people, lots of noise, why I craved time alone. I thought there was a problem & I can see now that there wasn’t. I’ve been able to be so much more at peace since realising this! I understand why I feel overwhelmed by constant chatter, why I prefer one-on-one to big groups, & it’s great to have that level of acceptance.

What’s your realisation about yourself?

OP posts:
Crimeismymiddlename · 02/03/2022 12:17

That I am not an extrovert that loves party’s, attention and going out every night. I was just pretending to cover up other issues. Much happier now.
I too was a massive twat years ago!

DefiniteTortoise · 02/03/2022 12:17

That I'm probably autistic. DS2 has just been diagnosed and so many of his behaviours just make perfect sense to me Grin

Shelby1981 · 02/03/2022 12:18

@Phyllis321

I'm a strange mix of introvert and someone with no filter at all depending on the situation/company.

That most people believe deep down that they are on the edges of everything and don't really fit in.

Do most people really believe that? So it's not just me? Shock
Brokenseas · 02/03/2022 12:24

@sunshineonroses

That I have absolutely no leadership qualities, and that's ok. After a lifetime of low paid, entry level jobs I have never been promoted to a better position. I applied a few times but was always rejected. One manager (kindly) told me I wasn't management material. It's disappointing, but I've accepted it.
Yes, this! I struggled with this for years, especially watching my peers (and then younger people) climb the ladder. I was, I thought, as intelligent as them if not more, but wasn't getting anywhere.

I still have mixed feelings about it. If I was desperate to increase my earning potential I might try harder. The ideal would be the gravitas of a management role without any staff, as no, what I should have realised much earlier was I'm definitely not cut out to be anyone's boss!

Same too about my introversion - I spent most of my 20s drinking my way through it and didn't even notice!

Beneficentbovine88 · 02/03/2022 12:38

I've realised, and it's taken until my late fifties, that I judged my mother unfairly. She was a war child, not an easy woman, who raised four dc, but she was also v intelligent and frustrated at being a sahm. She could be quite harsh and negative, but I realise now that her anger was directed largely at her situation, rather than us. I also had no appreciation of how frustrating raising teens can be, especially while caring for elderly parents. We all favoured our father, who was always gentle and jovial, but looking back, although he worked hard, he didn't change one nappy or do one school run!

tearsforfears72 · 02/03/2022 12:43

That I’ve become my mother! My teenage self would be horrified Grin

Cryingbutstilltrying · 02/03/2022 12:44

That I have a way better memory for people and events that most other people do, so the fact that I’ve spent hours/days/weeks tormenting myself over something I said years ago is pointless as the other person won’t remember at all. In fact they might not even remember me if I walked up to them in the street.

Making my peace with the stupid shit I did and said way back when has been genuinely life changing.
Learning to not care too much about what others think of me is still a work in progress. I’m way more judgemental and hard on myself than others could ever be.
Becoming a parent to a teen has opened my eyes on how I treat myself as I would never do that to dd.

TheVanguardSix · 02/03/2022 12:46

I realise, with all sincerity, that I’d make a brilliant monk!
I could do TED talks on how to ‘monk’ if the thought of facing an audience didn’t set my bladder to hyper-weak.
Skellig Michael or bust!

Grinling · 02/03/2022 12:49

@TheVanguardSix

I realise, with all sincerity, that I’d make a brilliant monk! I could do TED talks on how to ‘monk’ if the thought of facing an audience didn’t set my bladder to hyper-weak. Skellig Michael or bust!
God, that sounds deeply appealing, doesn't it? I might go and monk myself on Little Skellig and wave at you across the waves.

(Incidentally, Emma Donoghue's next novel is about medieval monks on the Skelligs, in case you want some vicarious monking... Grin)

Lovinglife45 · 02/03/2022 13:15

Great post!

I am becoming more self aware as I grow older.

I am an introvert- never found my place at school.
I do not like meeting friends in large groups
I do not like banter
I can be rather vain (quietly)
I have a good eye for fashion. I see separate items in shops/online and instantly know what I would pair it with at home.
I am in tune with how others are feeling no matter how they try to hide it
I am more knowledgeable than I thought
I am 100% invested in my children which surprises me as I was never maternal.
I have a rebel streak (again quietly)

Hesperatum · 02/03/2022 13:40

I’ve realised that I’m not sweetness and light and actually an irritable old woman 😬

user1471538283 · 02/03/2022 13:41

That the way I am wired is the way I am wired and I am pretty good! I took a lot of criticism when I was younger when I didn't find coarse humor funny or I was a bit nervy or a bit particular. I am all these things and more and I am valued for being me!

CommonPrimrose · 02/03/2022 13:42

Forcing myself out of my comfort zone doesn't make me happy or fulfilled in the slightest.
Not sure where I go next beyond cocooning more and more!

Nishkin · 02/03/2022 13:42

I'm a strange mix of introvert and someone with no filter at all depending on the situation/company.
@Phyllis321 - I could have written that!

Vallmo47 · 02/03/2022 13:50

Lovely thread.

One of the many things I’ve realised is that the reason I talk FAR too much is that I’m extremely uncomfortable with silence when around others (who aren’t in my immediate family). Sometimes I challenge myself to just say NOTHING but it sends my pulse racing. I’m comfortable with others talking, as long as they’re in the middle of a story and I can just nod along with it. The second it goes silent I panic!

Vampirethriller · 02/03/2022 14:01

That my terrible performance at school and uni despite being fairly intelligent is actually ADHD and that I would have had a very different life if I'd started taking anti depressants earlier.
That I was a knob in my drinking days and it's a miracle anyone who knew me then still likes me!

DressingPafe · 02/03/2022 14:06

That I'm weird! But, that it's ok Smile
I like being me. I have so much fun just doing my own thing and (now I've reached my early 50's) I couldn't give a stuff what anyone else thinks. I wasted time trying to "fit in" and now I wonder why. Why did I care so much what other people thought? People I didn't even really care about.

Oh and also that I'm better off single. I genuinely think I bought into the societal norms/pressure of trying to find a life partner and had some bloody awful relationships. I remember thinking "but I can't grow old alone". Now I'm heading (slowly) to retirement, the last thing I would want is someone else around all the time.

NippyWoowoo · 02/03/2022 14:09

That I have ADHD, and possibly ASD.

Hesperatum · 02/03/2022 14:25

CommonPrimrose. Amen to that.

hellswelshy · 02/03/2022 14:26

Love this thread! I have realised about myself these things: I have done well despite a rocky/deprived upbringing- for this my dear late mum would be proud. I also, like a pp, dislike banter...always thought it made me seem like I had no sense of humour but it couldn't be further from the truth! That despite loving to travel, I'm also a home bird, my home is my sanctuary. That I have more patience with my dc than I thought I could ever possess. Despite this I could do with some more!!

zeldaonadreamcloud · 02/03/2022 14:30

I presume that all of you are women who say you don't have leadership qualities. You do realise that most men in leadership roles, do not have leadership qualities either?

There are a lot of leaders and managers and very few with the qualities necessary for that role.

zeldaonadreamcloud · 02/03/2022 14:34

On the introvert thing, I am the opposite. Always thought that I was one but lockdown made me realise that I am a LOT more extrovert than I realised. I really need the company of others regularly.

That my relationship with my parents, and my dad's behaviour to my mum,. led me to have no idea what a healthy relationship looked like and led to me entering a ruinous (literally, in every way) marriage with a deeply dysfunctional man.

That if I had a vocation, I will probably never find out what it was.

TicTacHoh · 02/03/2022 14:51

Forced myself to be an extrovert for years, only for it to finally dawn on me that it's ok to be an introvert... life changing.

Shodan · 02/03/2022 14:59

God, so many things. But most importantly I think -that's actually it's ok to cut off people who have damaged you in the past, even though they're family.

And that no-one is going to give you a medal for being a doormat.

Also- it's perfectly fine not to 'fit in'. Probably far more interesting,tbh.

AngelinaFibres · 02/03/2022 15:09

That I can say no very effectively to cheeky fuckers, users and knobs . I was brought up to be a people pleaser and spent years as a single parent on temporary teaching contracts. I had to keep working so I could keep a roof over our heads so saying no was very difficult. I have discovered that there are many ways to say no,ever so politely, but still a no. It is immensely satisfying.