Child is about to become glasses none compliant, can I stop this?

[GlassesMustBeWornButWont]

DC aged 6 got first pair of glasses a few months ago. They were really excited to have glasses so I thought we’d have no issues.

But we do. They flat out refuse to wear them; if they do wear them they sneak them off their face when not looking, refuses to take them to out of school activities, and will often refuse to wear them at all at school.

When asked why they say the glasses annoy them. I’ve taken the glasses and DC to have them adjusted 3 times, both the arms at the back and the nose bit (which is plastic anyway not the rubber ones) but it’s not helped.

School have started sending DC home if they get a headache so it’s also affecting education. School will not force them to wear the glasses, they will ask once that they wear them but won’t argue with her, but then send home if they get a headache due to covid rules.

I can’t go on like this, every morning is a battle of me trying to persuade DC to wear their glasses and them refusing. I don’t know what else to do.

Both me and DCs dad (my ExH) wear glasses as do most of my family including 1 of my DNs (whose also 6) and several of DCs classmates have glasses so they’re seeing them regularly.

I’ve tried bribery already saying they can have a treat if we go a day, then 2 etc without them coming off accept for swimming, showers and sleep but DC doesn’t care, I’ve threatened to stop out of school activities but they just shrug. I’ve tried asking why and changing the glasses, I even offered to get a brand new pair (at my expense) if they prefer, but they said they just don’t like them.

They have an eye condition so they need to wear the glasses because of that.

Any ideas on how to get them to wear them?

Try tomato glasses. More expensive and difficult to find an optitions that stocks them but so much better than the standard kids glasses.

For a start, if they come home from school due to a headache, you jeed to treat them like they're ill. So, bed, no TV or treat foods. Plain food only. If they're ill, they're ill. If they're not ill they should be in school. If the headache is caused by not wearing their glasses, they know jow to solve that.

At home, I'd start by withdrawing privileges. So, if they take them off & won't put them back on, they lose an hour of TV time (or something, you choose).

You need to be clear that the glasses are for their benefit & they are potentially harming their eyesight & causing themself problems by refusing to wear them. Make them feel it by immediate, minor consequences if they won't just cooperate.

Is there a reason they don't like the glasses? Are thye being teased at school? Has someone said something unkind? Have you talked about it with them? If something has happened you need to know as it's not acceptable that this has happened & it needs dealing with ASAP.

Sil was like this as a kid, she would sneak them off all the time, she hated them. The Family ended up with some sort of reward program going with the school, so she was monitored both at home and school. It seemed to go on forever, now as an adult she wear them occasionally and has contacts which she prefers.
But she's always been very stubborn, teachers telling her loudly to put them back on seemed to work at school (we were friends) Family doing the same worked sometimes. I can't even remember what the rewards were but they came every couple of weeks if she had complied daily.

Have you had the lenses checked against the script? It could be they don't see the benifit of the lenses if they aren't right.

DS1 started wearing his immediately, and we had no problems. It's taken DS2 about a year to keep them on his face. We started with TV and blackboard work only. Could you start by enforcing glasses for a few activities to start with?

OMG sorry for all the typos...

Are you in England? Kids can now go to school with covid so they won't be able to use that excuse much longer.

It's odd that your dc would prefer a headache over glasses wearing.

I'd focus primarily on wearing them at school. Call and ask for a meeting with the teacher and possibly SENCO (may have some tips and tricks). Also insist that you will no longer collect the child for the headache reason as its linked to the glasses which they need to manage during school hours.

Lack of compliance at school = loss of privileges at home. What will hit hardest? For one of mine it would be loss of trips to the play park on the walk home, for the other it would be screentime privileges removed for that afternoon. Immediate consequences straight after school.

Then, once school have bucked their ideas up and you are giving consequences for non compliance, and wearing them in class becomes normal, work on how much he wears them outside of school.

What's their plan? Sit down when you're both calm and solve the problem.

You don't want to wear your glasses, the problem is that you need them to help you see/stop getting headaches whatever...

Then ask for her solutions, write them down even if they're silly eg get aliens to fix eyes so I don't need glasses. You write down some solutions too eg sticker charts and then you both cross off the impossible ones and choose your favourite. Agree and then put the problem solving sheet somewhere you can see it.

Might not work but might be worth a try.

@EatSleepReplete

For a start, if they come home from school due to a headache, you jeed to treat them like they're ill. So, bed, no TV or treat foods. Plain food only. If they're ill, they're ill. If they're not ill they should be in school. If the headache is caused by not wearing their glasses, they know jow to solve that.

At home, I'd start by withdrawing privileges. So, if they take them off & won't put them back on, they lose an hour of TV time (or something, you choose).

You need to be clear that the glasses are for their benefit & they are potentially harming their eyesight & causing themself problems by refusing to wear them. Make them feel it by immediate, minor consequences if they won't just cooperate.

Is there a reason they don't like the glasses? Are thye being teased at school? Has someone said something unkind? Have you talked about it with them? If something has happened you need to know as it's not acceptable that this has happened & it needs dealing with ASAP.

@EatSleepReplete I do the home to bed, no TV etc. if they get sent home, I have to work and don't get paid if I don't work, but DC doesn't care. They'd happily sit in their room all day.

Withdrawing TV, tablet, and toys never has worked even for other punishable things, they'll sit and sing to themselves.

DC says they just don't like them, the teacher and several friends wear glasses so I doubt they're being teased, they haven't told me their being teased or anyones said anything. They just say they don't like them, they annoy them and they won't wear them.

I’ve been wearing glasses for over 30y but my last pair I just could not settle with took over 6months of wearing them little by little to get used to them and get my brain adjust. I imagine if they are physically not rubbing or digging in it’s to do with lens or corrective prisms or whatever. Can you try agree to wearing them till first break time? Then gradually over time get used to them and forget keep taking them off?

Maybe you can tell your child that when they are older, if they still really dislike wearing glasses, they can have contact lenses (if this would be an affordable option for you). But, they have to prove that they can be responsible enough to wear their glasses properly until they're old enough for contacts - as contacts are a big responsibility & if you child doesn't bother with glasses, why would you pay for contacts.

I always hated my glasses & when I started earning, contact lenses were one of the first things I got as a regular expense. They made me feel completely different, I'd had glasses since I was about 7.

@MaizeAmaze

Have you had the lenses checked against the script? It could be they don't see the benifit of the lenses if they aren't right.

DS1 started wearing his immediately, and we had no problems. It's taken DS2 about a year to keep them on his face. We started with TV and blackboard work only. Could you start by enforcing glasses for a few activities to start with?

@MaizeAmaze It was the hospital consultant who did the script and then we took it to a high street optician. The consultant then saw DC a few months later and double checked the script but said it was right.

They flat out refuse to wear them at all, if I say "Just for TV" or "Just at school" they'll promise to do it then take them off when my backs turned.

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz

Are you in England? Kids can now go to school with covid so they won't be able to use that excuse much longer.

It's odd that your dc would prefer a headache over glasses wearing.

I'd focus primarily on wearing them at school. Call and ask for a meeting with the teacher and possibly SENCO (may have some tips and tricks). Also insist that you will no longer collect the child for the headache reason as its linked to the glasses which they need to manage during school hours.

Lack of compliance at school = loss of privileges at home. What will hit hardest? For one of mine it would be loss of trips to the play park on the walk home, for the other it would be screentime privileges removed for that afternoon. Immediate consequences straight after school.

Then, once school have bucked their ideas up and you are giving consequences for non compliance, and wearing them in class becomes normal, work on how much he wears them outside of school.

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz Unfortunately school have said their covid policy of sending home for symptoms stands until at least Easter - yes in England.

DC already known to Senco for other reasons so will ask to speak to them about it.

Nothing seems to work, and never has. I've stopped out of school activities before and they just shrug, taking TV and tablet time away doesn't help, same for toys being taken away, they just shrug or will sit and sing to themselves.

'Child is about to become glasses none compliant'

Non.

really, what's with this kind of nonsense?

Child refusing to wear her glasses.

Speak more clearly to her. Stop with all the fluff & twaddle and get her told.

Give school permission to speak to her firmly & not take 'no' for an answer. Tell them she needs to in school learning not sent home every five minutes because they allow her to be without her glasses.

Everyone needs to stop pussy footing around.

@FantasticFebruary

'Child is about to become glasses none compliant'

Non.

really, what's with this kind of nonsense?

Child refusing to wear her glasses.

Speak more clearly to her. Stop with all the fluff & twaddle and get her told.

Give school permission to speak to her firmly & not take 'no' for an answer. Tell them she needs to in school learning not sent home every five minutes because they allow her to be without her glasses.

Everyone needs to stop pussy footing around.

@FantasticFebruary School will ask her once and if she says no they won't ask her again, it's their policy. It's the same with lunches, hearing aids etc. They will not argue with the child over it.

I've told them to tell her and punish her if she doesn't like keeping her in at playtime but they say they won't do that unless she does something really wrong like hurts someone deliberately etc.

I had glasses as a child and refused to wear them. I got headaches too but I didn’t particularly care about that. Glasses are uncomfortable and get in the way (and I say this as someone who now wears them all the time). I only really started wearing them properly when I started learning to drive. I’m not sure anything would have worked to get me to wear them.

Sorry meant to hide gender of child and ended up using she anyway, it is a DD

''My kid doesn't wanna wear her glasses today''.

''Child is about to become glasses none compliant''.

First laugh of today, I needed that, thanks OP.

@HalfaShilling

''My kid doesn't wanna wear her glasses today''.

''Child is about to become glasses none compliant''.

First laugh of today, I needed that, thanks OP.

@HalfaShilling I'm glad you find my DD amusing, I'm just trying to protect her health, but you go ahead and laugh at us.

Can your DD explain why she doesn’t like wearing them? Could it be a problem with the fit?
I second a PP’s suggestion of Tomato frames - they’re comfortable and come in lots of nice colours.

My child has autism so her refusal was probably more intense than a NT child. We tried and tried, including taking her to a therapist for a year. The advice from every expert and from the school ended up being that she needed to be in contact lenses.

Contacts failed at first. The doctor couldn’t prescribe them because she couldn’t put them in or take them out. She wouldn’t let me do it either. She closed her eye tight. They sent us home with some samples and I spent 4 months practicing with her and trying different methods. We finally found one that clicked for her and went back in and she passed the training like a pro.

It shouldn’t have surprised me. I hate wearing my glasses. They make me feel like i need to throw up. Contacts are fine, but I can’t stand glasses. I didn’t need glasses until I was a teen, so was able to get contacts right away and my glasses aversion was just less obvious.

Hi optometrist here. You don't happen to have her prescription do you? Some kids need the prescription but it doesn't actually mean they can see better all the time. What did the opticians say to you when you got them to wear full time or for concentrated work? What is the eye condition?

@GlassesMustBeWornButWont is your dd wearing glasses to be able to see better or to correct some issues with her eyes?

I know that as a child, I always wore them at school because I could see the difference with and wo (I could see vs couldn’t see the blackboard). But my SIL had much more problems with her dcs as the glasses were to correct a squint so the positive effect wasn’t as ‘obvious’ to their child iyswim.

@SomethingNastyInTheBallPool

Can your DD explain why she doesn’t like wearing them? Could it be a problem with the fit? I second a PP’s suggestion of Tomato frames - they’re comfortable and come in lots of nice colours.

@SomethingNastyInTheBallPool She just says she doesn't like them. We've been back and had them adjusted 3 times but it hasn't helped.

There isn't anywhere nearby that stocks the tomato glasses according to their website, I will go and ask at the optician we use on Monday (independent) if they can get them. Nearest stockist otherwise is over 50 miles, I mean I would travel it to help her but if it's not going to help I don't want to travel all that way to find she refuses anyway.

I was wondering about her prescription, too.
My DD is very short-sighted with an astigmatism and having her glasses on for close work is actually quite uncomfortable, so she refuses to wear them for that sort of thing.

It's totally unfair to expect the school to make your DD wear glasses when you can't achieve it at home in a 1-to-1 setting. The teacher has other responsibilities.

Have you tried a star chart/reward for compliance at school?