Child is about to become glasses none compliant, can I stop this?

[GlassesMustBeWornButWont]

DC aged 6 got first pair of glasses a few months ago. They were really excited to have glasses so I thought we’d have no issues.

But we do. They flat out refuse to wear them; if they do wear them they sneak them off their face when not looking, refuses to take them to out of school activities, and will often refuse to wear them at all at school.

When asked why they say the glasses annoy them. I’ve taken the glasses and DC to have them adjusted 3 times, both the arms at the back and the nose bit (which is plastic anyway not the rubber ones) but it’s not helped.

School have started sending DC home if they get a headache so it’s also affecting education. School will not force them to wear the glasses, they will ask once that they wear them but won’t argue with her, but then send home if they get a headache due to covid rules.

I can’t go on like this, every morning is a battle of me trying to persuade DC to wear their glasses and them refusing. I don’t know what else to do.

Both me and DCs dad (my ExH) wear glasses as do most of my family including 1 of my DNs (whose also 6) and several of DCs classmates have glasses so they’re seeing them regularly.

I’ve tried bribery already saying they can have a treat if we go a day, then 2 etc without them coming off accept for swimming, showers and sleep but DC doesn’t care, I’ve threatened to stop out of school activities but they just shrug. I’ve tried asking why and changing the glasses, I even offered to get a brand new pair (at my expense) if they prefer, but they said they just don’t like them.

They have an eye condition so they need to wear the glasses because of that.

Any ideas on how to get them to wear them?

Also, we got to an independent optometrist but
I’ve heard from other parents that Specsavers do (or can order) Tomato frames.

I’ve looked at the Tomato frame.
Can I have one pair too? Even if I’m 50yo?

Why did you want to hide the sex of your child for this? Genuine question?

Anyway as far as I see it, you have two options: bribery, or hard-line. I'd probably go hard-line given the fact she's happy to sit at home in her room and so is basically already getting a bit reward for not wearing them.

You mention she is under the senco. Any chance she could be autistic? The sensory side of wearing them may feel unbearable for her. Sorry, no suggestions of how to help.

If they are still fairly new it does take a while to get used to wearing them. Would you try an hour in the morning and an hour in the afternoon to start with? Mine were younger when they started wearing glasses but we just kept putting them on for shorter periods and as they got used to them they kept them on for longer because they forgot they were wearing them.

Another glasses brand that is wonderful is Miraflex. My dc refused to wear standard frames as a toddler. We tried Miraflex frames and dc loved them.

I have a friend who's dc also wears Miraflex frames, they're brilliant.

@User1234567891011121314

Hi optometrist here. You don't happen to have her prescription do you? Some kids need the prescription but it doesn't actually mean they can see better all the time. What did the opticians say to you when you got them to wear full time or for concentrated work? What is the eye condition?

@User1234567891011121314

Prescription is:

Right
+0.75 -0.25 65

Left
+5.75 -2.5 143

She has astigmatisms in both eyes, Ambolyia (Lazy Eye) in her left and also had squint correction surgery on the left but it's been unsucessful and they want to attempt again.

Its a hand written prescription so I might be reading it wrong.

I don’t really understand “non compliant” in matters of health or safety.
I don’t reward my child for complying on basic matters of health or safety. It’s expected, either by law or by a health professional.
School know she needs glasses, won’t enforce wearing them, then they do not send her home with a headache. When they call to say she has a headache, you say has she been wearing her glasses? No oh well there is the reason for the headache. I won’t be collecting her.
At home, you put them back on her face every time she takes them off.
Or you don’t and her eye sight suffers. They are the options.

No thank you that's fine. The problem here is she needs help with the left eye mainly but because her right eye is so good she is relying on that eye so she feels she can see! But what we don't want is that left eye to become totally lazy (which it is anyway but we don't want it to get worse if that makes sense). I feel her pain and she should not be getting major headaches it depends how much close work she is doing in her day. The tomato glasses sounds excellent, reward charts etc. Ultimately she feels she can see hence the non compliance as she's using her Right eye only.

I would ask either your GP or via school health services for an assessment of her sensory needs via on OT. If it’s anything like the wait round here, it won’t be quick but could potentially give you a lot of answers. When children simply do not respond to rewards and sanctions there is often something else going on.

I have twice had an absolutely correct prescription that I really couldn't handle. Once it pulled my eyes and made them ache, the second one made the room slide sideways when I stood up. I am required to wear glasses to drive so it was a real problem even though the prescription isn't a very strong one. Thankfully the optician was a very good one and on both occasions was really helpful and adjusted them to what i could tolerate. I could still pass the requirement to drive but the result wasn't as pin sharp as it would have been with the correct prescription.....it may be worth trying to understand what your DD can't tolerate?

just read recent posts....does your DD understand that she has a naughty eye that is not doing its job and making the good hard working eye do all the work?

“At home you put them back in her face every time she takes them off”

We don’t know how resistant op’s child is to wearing glasses. Some children will thrash and become violent to avoid wearing them. Trying to put glasses on a child in that circumstance is dangerous and unproductive, especially since as soon as you physically release them they will just remove them.

@DrMarple

I had glasses as a child and refused to wear them. I got headaches too but I didn’t particularly care about that. Glasses are uncomfortable and get in the way (and I say this as someone who now wears them all the time). I only really started wearing them properly when I started learning to drive. I’m not sure anything would have worked to get me to wear them.

Same. I'm 38 now and still don't wear glasses unless I'm super hungover/tired and trying to disguise it. (I don't drive for the avoidance of doubt).

I found glasses so uncomfortable to wear, just having something on my bridge and in front of my eyes, that I had to go for contacts. I just couldn't get used to them. It felt like having something alien on my face every time I wore them. It wasn't that they were physically uncomfortable (not too tight, not pinching) in a classic say, it just felt weird. Just thinking about them is giving the bridge of my nose and the front of my head an uncomfortable awkward feeling. I'm not sure what to suggest because I really sympathise with your child and I don't know what would help.

Should clarify, I refused to wear my glasses as a kid and got contacts as soon as was able.

Put them back on her face every time

Wow. That would be very distressing. I would have retaliated by throwing them and purposefully breaking them.

I had a squint corrected as a child (did not work 100%) and does wander a bit now. I had to wear a patch at home. It was infuriating and my vision was worse because my bloody eye wouldn’t behave. I was prescribed glasses but thankfully someone at school pinched them on day one and they were never seen again. It’s hard enough with a squint without someone giving you glasses that make the whole thing worse even though they are trying to help in the short term
I now wear glasses and part of the prescription does correct the squint and there was one occasion where I had my eyes tested and correct prescription made up but just couldn’t wear them. I went back to an older pair.
I don’t wear my glasses for close work.

Thank you everyone for helpful suggestions, I will ask her if it's pulling her eyes or making them hurt, if so I'm sure a quick call with her consultant should get them adjusted and a new prescription made up and as said if she's going to wear them I am happy to pay for them.

@GlassesMustBeWornButWont

It may be beyond her ability to say why she doesn't like to wear them & id be wary of giving her reasons by asking 'if they hurt' 'if they're too tight' etc.

I have had glasses for two years now, I use one pair for driving & can see the difference. I can wear them around the house (it certainly sharpens the focus, BUT they make me feel a bit queasy AND they make me feel like I'm standing on a box'. I don't know if it's the prescription or the fact they had to flatten them (as I also have astigmatism) I find it hard to describe so a child most certainly would.

My goddaughter is the same age as your DD & she's had to wear glasses for a couple of years now and a patch - to correct 'a lazy eye' and it has been hard. She hasn't worn them as much as she should have, so she has to wear them for longer each day now to try to correct them within a certain time frame (I think before she's 7 due to changes in her eye. Not exactly sure, she's overseas).

I hope you have some luck with finding some she's happy to wear. My GD was happier to wear hers when she could get some pink sparkly ones 🙄🙄😂

At home you put them back in her face every time she takes them off

I have a 3 year old who wears glasses for astigmatism and a lazy eye, and I don't even try that with her.

Flattery by lots adults and older children on how lovely she looks wearing them encouraged her to keep trying to wear them. Then people she knows well, but not immediate family, explaining about how their own glasses helps them see keeps her wearing them for most of her waking hours.

However I'm currently sitting next to her after she has taken her glasses off at around 5.30pm after wearing them since 8.30am.

My DD wears tomato glasses too as PPs have suggested. We also got prescription Tomato glasses sunglasses which she loves wearing and seems to wear more than clear ones. If you can find a stockist would she consider tinted lenses?

Is it at all possible she is being teased about glasses? I was at primary school and secondary, I would then try to manage without them to stop the taunts and made my eye health worse.

[quote FantasticFebruary]@GlassesMustBeWornButWont

It may be beyond her ability to say why she doesn't like to wear them & id be wary of giving her reasons by asking 'if they hurt' 'if they're too tight' etc.

I have had glasses for two years now, I use one pair for driving & can see the difference. I can wear them around the house (it certainly sharpens the focus, BUT they make me feel a bit queasy AND they make me feel like I'm standing on a box'. I don't know if it's the prescription or the fact they had to flatten them (as I also have astigmatism) I find it hard to describe so a child most certainly would.

My goddaughter is the same age as your DD & she's had to wear glasses for a couple of years now and a patch - to correct 'a lazy eye' and it has been hard. She hasn't worn them as much as she should have, so she has to wear them for longer each day now to try to correct them within a certain time frame (I think before she's 7 due to changes in her eye. Not exactly sure, she's overseas).

I hope you have some luck with finding some she's happy to wear. My GD was happier to wear hers when she could get some pink sparkly ones 🙄🙄😂[/quote]
@FantasticFebruary I just said to her "When you wear your glasses how do your eyes feel?" not probing or giving clues, she says they feel really tired and like when she woke up from her eye surgery, really hurty.

So I'm going to try and build up her wearing them and see if that helps. Told her if she can keep them on for a whole hour by the end of the week she can choose a treat of whatever she wants.

She wants to go to b+m with my mum

When you are sure the prescription is correct I would build it up very gradually, so wearing for one 10 minute episode of a favourite show or something to start with.

I assume patching has been tried previously?

@ScratchyItchy

My DD wears tomato glasses too as PPs have suggested. We also got prescription Tomato glasses sunglasses which she loves wearing and seems to wear more than clear ones. If you can find a stockist would she consider tinted lenses?

@ScratchyItchy One of her diagnosis' and why she's known to the Senco is dyslexia, so I'm now considering Irlans, thanks for that!

I'd happily pay for tinted/darkened glasses if they help her and she keeps them on.