Talk to me about real life outside London

[Herewegoagain84]

We’re considering the big move out. I’ve been a Londoner all my life and always considered I would stay, but I’ve got a third child cooking and I think it’s time. I know it sounds mad but I’d love to hear what your life outside London is like - especially with children at the weekend. We have everything so accessible to us here and always plenty to do. Can you talk me through how we might be spending our time and what activities you do / how weekends are spent? If you lived in London previously was it a good decision to move? Thanks!

Good suggestions @TatianaBis and thanks @Classicblunder

😂😂 Think you could have phrased this a lot better, OP, but I won’t join in the kicking.

I also had reservations about moving out and DH virtually had to drag me along, but after about 18 months it was him who wanted to go back, not me. That was mainly because the commute was a bit of a killer for both of us, but by then I couldn’t see any other advantage to moving back, especially when we looked at what we could afford in London.

If you’re intending to go rural, then you need to consider commuting time and the fact that you have to drive everywhere. We occasionally get snowed in. Our broadband can be patchy. There’s no Deliveroo. But we’ve loved it and so have our kids. It’s tricky in the teen years before they learn to drive as you become a non-stop taxi service or a general flop house for sleepovers, but other than that there’s been nothing but benefits for us. They didn’t miss out on clubs or activities, but they also had a huge amount of freedom as children that I know they would never had otherwise.

And (as everyone else has said) if you just move to a smaller city, or even a town, there’s literally no difference whatsoever. Except you’ll probably get a nicer house and slightly cleaner air. It honestly doesn’t mean your kids will end up book learnin’ by candlelight and married to their cousins.

@KimWexlersPonyTail I wonder if you live near me!

OP I live in Milton Keynes, which was originally built as an overspill to house Londoners! We have cycle paths connecting the whole town so you can safely cycle for miles, little delivery robots who bring us shopping and takeaways, e scooters & bikes to rent, lots of play parks and green spaces, several cinemas, shopping centres, lakes with water sports and pedalos, an indoor skydiving and skiing place, ice rink, pools and gyms, trampoline parks, indoor and outdoor climbing centres… oh and some concrete cows and roundabouts.

Maybe you should venture out of the city and explore the rest of the country before committing to a move? It’s only 35 mins from Euston so you can get back to London quickly if you don’t like it!

@greenlynx I suppose that’s the thing as at the moment we do - every neighbourhood has the same group classes so always one in a church hall or similar nearby (at least where we are). We’d have to get used to driving to more things I think.

@TheShoeLady that’s our plan I think - spend a few weekends exploring and see what we like.

Oh yes and theatre, art gallery, museum. Lots of lovely villages on the outskirts or more townie areas if you prefer everything on your doorstep. Like anywhere there are nicer parts and less nice parts. There are also areas which are more diverse. The schools are mainly very good, but you pay more in an area with excellent ofsted of course.

I'll be busy filling the bath with coal while my H is putting ferrets down his trousers. We don't have to entertain the kids any more, they're all in service now, being older than ten.

I spend my time gossiping about the neighbours.

I suppose mainly doing similar things to those that people in London do. By not taking advantage of a lot of thinkgs on my doorstep at times.

But we do tennis lessons, walks in the country, shopping, dance lessons, trail running, road running, swimming. The things that most people do really

Well if you fancy popping up to MK feel free to PM and I’ll give you some pointers!

You know where NOT to go?

Anywhere near me.

The last Expat From Civilisation we had went on and on about her wonderment that, despite not having the benefit of being underground for two hours a day, we yokels had quite a vibrant life.

I got quite a headache from all the eye rolling that happened when I was around her.

She didn't last. She missed crisp bags whacking her in the face on a windy day and villages of destitute people living in tents and being ogled on the tube. Bizarre.

Some of the people moved out during covid thinking they would continue to wfh and then got a shock when their companies wanted them back in the office.

There are some differences such as places not being open all hours so once you are used to that you don't miss it as much.

But as others say it depends on whether you frequent the museums and theatres etc. Smaller places may have these but not as large or potentially as good or as varied but yours are probably still too young to have used them in any depth.

Will either of you still be working in London? Be guided by the commute in .

I've lived both in London and very rurally. London things I missed in the country were easy public transport (this was especially as a mum of teens who could get themselves around easily in London but needed lifts in the country) and proximity to London art galleries and concert halls- obviously art and music exist outside London but clearly there's less on the doorstep if you live somewhere remote.

I don't understand the thing about weekends in London being "prescriptive"- is it really that all your friends do things a certain way and in London you feel obliged to do the same, and you're not sure what you would do if you didn't feel obliged to fit in? You can actually do whatever you want anywhere, it's not an outside London thing!

You will love it once you get used to the human sacrifices at weekends and us all having two heads.

Well, we tap syrup from the trees, darn socks, knit jumpers ... oh, wait, no that's not us - that's Little House on the Prairie.

A typical weekend here (wilds of Scotland - just outside a major city) is lunch with friends; dropping DC at their classes. Over the years, they have included: drama; musical theatre; karate; fencing; street dance; tennis; football; archery; swimming lessons.
Shopping. Attend an art class at an art gallery or museum. Go for a walk. Cinema. Bowling.

There are usually events at National Trust places; parks, etc. We can go skiing for the weekend in season. Everything you can do in London, you can do here but it's cheaper, more accessible and people are friendlier.

It really depends where; I've lived in lots of different parts of England (plus another couple of locations), and living/working in another large city like Bristol is very different from living in a medium sized coastal town in the West Country.

Though pretty much everywhere I've lived has had mains running water, electricity, cafes, restaurants, museums, parks, buses (regularity varies), supermarkets, various clubs, activities for kids, leisure centres and libraries. ;)

@KimWexlersPonyTail @TheShoeLady MK high 5! Though we don't have robots on my estate yet

The best thing about London IMO, aside from the endless things to do with kids, is the excellent public transport. I would hate to have to drive all the time.

The lack of public transport is something I hadn't factored in when we moved out. We live in one of the dreaded commuter towns, and while I love this town, unless you want to go back into London or somewhere further down the line in the opposite direction, you need to walk or drive.

We had to consider this when looking at secondary schools for dc1, many parents have found it hard that their kids have to get the school bus or a lift home - makes staying for after school sports clubs (or detentions!) difficult if you dont have a parent at home. Our house location means dc1 can get the normal train back, but there was one school we didn't even put on our list because of this issue.

Think about how quickly your dcs will want to be independent, and plan locations based on this!

Have lived in semi-rural Kent, and now Edinburgh, so a wealth of experience of not-London. Semi-rural Kent it would be difficult to pass a weekend pleasantly without driving somewhere. I have nothing against public transport but only took a bus once in a bout 6 years as the service was so bad it was irrelevant. Edinburgh we can walk to almost everything. Buses are excellent here but as the city is fairly compact and we live not too far out we have taken a bus only a couple of times in since covid, but can easily access the city centre, world class museums, art galleries, cafes, restaurants, parks, swimming pools, cinemas, theatres, escape rooms. If we have the time and the inclination we can walk to the hills outside the city, cycle to the beach.

Fewer options in our Kent days, but direct access to countryside, and given DS was then a both a toddler and what we refer to in Edinburgh as a "complete radge" big open spaces suitable us well at the time.

From the Jurassic Coast originally, lived in cities including London for over ten years, now back in the countryside again (rural SW, nearest cities are an hour whichever way you go).

Rural living is a big adjustment if you've never done it. Cities and larger towns will always have something going on (not on a London scale because London's London) but in my area it's a pretty small world because there are no cities nearby.

If you want to know about rural living, my advice would be to trial it out before committing as it's a serious change of pace and it's not for everyone. I love it, and would not change it, but I certainly do not hold it against anyone who tries it and finds it's not for them. It's honestly going to be a culture shock in terms of transport, options for coffee shops, options for entertainment, options for cultural diversity and a whole lot more if you're used to London life. If you're 20 mins or so outside of a city like Bristol, Bath or even Exeter (SW focussed as I live this way!) there are much more options but maybe don't go full village rural without dipping your toe in the water first!

I understand what you are asking OP! We moved from South London to Hertfordshire with two small kids. Life is definitely quieter and there is less to do spontaneously. We find that we still travel in for things like theatre, galleries etc. Public transport is a pain, buses work to a timetable so you need to plan everything a bit more. Obviously no tube either. We are under 30mins away from London on the train but it can take longer than that to get to the next town on public transport! Local theatre is - provisional, but the kids enjoy their drama clubs. We have a great pool not to far away and a nice local gym that we all belong to. Lots of restaurants, but no Korean, Lebanese etc mainly chains or Indian/Chinese/Thai food. Lots of nice countryside for walks - we got a dog and that's been really nice. Kids also do martial arts clubs. Most of my friends have also moved out from London or have come here for work from other cities. It's clean, quiet and safe. We got a lot of house for our money but London will always be home for me and we plan to downsize and retire back there once the kids are grown.
This is not supposed to offend or upset anyone, it's just where I'm at and how I feel.

villages of destitute people living in tents

@vivariumvivariumsvivaria eh?

I don’t want to leave London and become a peasant 😱

Waxonwaxoff0 Nottingham must be the blip in the system of crappy public transport....what with your fancy trams and all
Everywhere else....is crap.

We shop in the local shop - mind it’s only for local people.