Talk to me about real life outside London

[Herewegoagain84]

We’re considering the big move out. I’ve been a Londoner all my life and always considered I would stay, but I’ve got a third child cooking and I think it’s time. I know it sounds mad but I’d love to hear what your life outside London is like - especially with children at the weekend. We have everything so accessible to us here and always plenty to do. Can you talk me through how we might be spending our time and what activities you do / how weekends are spent? If you lived in London previously was it a good decision to move? Thanks!

What do you do in London? ‘Outside London’ is obviously the rest of the world, and not a homogenous mass. You need to give more direction if you want to find somewhere else to live. Have you never left London?

Yes, it dawned on me in semi-rural Kent that DS would depend on us for transport until he had a driving licence and a car of his own. Now in Edinburgh, at the age of 13 he can happily and safely take himself into the city centre and back by himself or with a pal. I'm working his weekend activities round to a point where he takes himself there and back as well.

Oh and when looking at cheaper properties outside London, transport will be factored in to prices! We can walk to the station, to dc2s primary school, to the swimming pool, library, doctors and hall where their weekend classes are held - many friends who live on the edges of this town cant and do have to drive everywhere. We found once we looked at houses only a short journey from our house, prices dropped, but that was the discount for having to drive everywhere!

What is available to do and the infrastructure is varied - if you move to somewhere like Bristol, you have all the facilities of a city. Teenagers can get buses across town. There are concerts and museums and cinemas and festivals and ranges of independent and chain places to eat, stuff happens here. If you move to a market town, there will be some of that but the options will be a lot scaled down. And if you move to a village or the proper countryside, expect to have to drive to a shop to buy milk and bread, there to be one local secondary school to choose from, no deliveroo, it being a trek in the car to anything that isn't a walk from your doorstep.

Start saving for driving lessons and extra vehicles so that the eldest can pick up taxi service at the earliest opportunity.

From the point at which the eldest starts Going Out don't bother drinking ever because sure as heck the night you do will be the night the planned lift home doesn't show and you will be the taxi service.

Most towns offer similar facilities to London, but my eldest brother lives right out in the sticks with his kids and they have quite a different existence to the one you might be used to OP.

I live in a big city (not London) and my niece and nephew have quite a few weekends a year visiting me and doing things they don’t often get the chance to do, like trampoline parks, big swimming pools, zoo, ice skating, concerts, different takeaways, restaurants, and cinema. The kids do however spend their free time surfing, paddle boarding, sailing, riding horses, riding bikes, camping and have lots of independence.

They have to drive quite far before they get to a train station, so public transport isn’t the best. They are regularly cut off by bad weather, have less choice of products in local shops and sometimes find it hard to get deliveries of certain items.

I guess it depends how rural you plan to go?

I live in rural Lancashire. Everything is within ten mins drive or 20 mins on the train/bus. Loads of kids activities, all the usual gyms, restaurants, classes etc. close to the beach and nice country walks! We know everyone here and I didn’t grow up here, that has happened in five years since we moved to this little town. It’s great 😊

This reminds me of the time BIL and SIL were incredulous that I'd managed to source parmigiano reggiano in the North East and breathlessly asked how I'd acquired it. They were nonplussed to discover I'd bought it in Sainsbury's .

To answer the OPs question, we go swimming (£12 for a family of 5), to the cinema (£5 each), DD1 plays football in a league, DD2 runs with the local running club, we visit local castles, museums, art galleries, go to the theatre (average ticket price locally £15), go to the beach, go walking in the countryside (trust me, Hampstead Heath is spectacularly shit when you are used to a choice of National Parks), walk into town (15 mins) and go to the local market hall (there's a good selection of street food) and enjoy the various local festivals in the town square and potter around the selection of small artisan shops, spend time in the garden, go bowling/laser questing/trampolining/climbing/go karting or whatever the latest birthday party craze is (DD2 had a birthday party in the woods where the kids built dens then had popcorn cooked on the campfire).

@Cocomarine
Do you think they have soup in London? 🤨
Of course they do! Why else would London sometimes be referred to as "The Big Soup"

[quote Herewegoagain84]@TheShoeLady that’s our plan I think - spend a few weekends exploring and see what we like.[/quote]
It might also be worth looking into renting out your current place and renting a new place in the location you think you would like. Then you still have the option to move back to London if it does not work out for whatever reason. We profoundly regret we did not do that for at least a year before making a complete committment. We simply could never afford to buy in London again.

I'm from London but now live in a rural area in the South West. We have 2 swimming pools within 30 miles, a couple of soft plays, a handful of extra curricular clubs and a few restaurants but no takeaway service! I do miss London for it's buzz, with markets, theatres and museums but we are in such a beautiful area of the country. We spend most weekends hiking or at the beach. I wear waterproofs pretty much solidly from October to March!

Don't move to the suburbs. My parents moved us from London to the suburbs and I hated it. As teenagers, we spent most of the time getting drunk as there was nothing to do in the evenings. We had to be driven everywhere too.

Either stay in London, move to a nicer part of London, or move to a smaller city that has plenty to do and has public transport.

[quote MMMarmite]@SockQueen we have some great sheep to look at here. Don't knock it. [/quote]
What sheep have you got near you? I think my favourite are Herdy sheep, I love their faces. Sadly none near to me.

Our children are 2 and 5 (with one on the way) - I imagine moving out more rurally and having much more space, especially outdoors, but perhaps near enough to a town that it doesn’t feel entirely isolated. Any recommendations for family friendly areas (with all the activities mentioned wink and good schools) very welcome!

Where will you need to get to for work? And how often? Kind of crucial!

This reminds me of the time BIL and SIL were incredulous that I'd managed to source parmigiano reggiano in the North East and breathlessly asked how I'd acquired it. They were nonplussed to discover I'd bought it in Sainsburys

I blew the mind of the office Hyacyinth Bucket who likes to think she's a cut above the rest of us, thus demonstrated by living in a local famously snobby posh town, when she learned that I got my parmigiano reggiano in Aldi, and this was about 10 years ago, before it was socially acceptable to shop there.

You will need 2 cars and as soon as DCs are old enough they will need cars.

Well no, not necessarily. It rather depends! We live in a village but with a station and with reasonable facilities in the village. We were fine with one car until DCs learned to drive. We then got a second car, but mainly because the large family automatic wasn't suitable to learn to drive in. Admittedly the second car has been useful now there are 4 drivers/learner drivers in the house. But we certainly don't need more than 2!!!

@Herewegoagain84

We’re considering the big move out. I’ve been a Londoner all my life and always considered I would stay, but I’ve got a third child cooking and I think it’s time. I know it sounds mad but I’d love to hear what your life outside London is like - especially with children at the weekend. We have everything so accessible to us here and always plenty to do. Can you talk me through how we might be spending our time and what activities you do / how weekends are spent? If you lived in London previously was it a good decision to move? Thanks!

I'm a Londoner through and through but got sick of the 'rush' and the expensive way of life. I wanted more for my child.

We moved last year with a primary aged child. Here there's lots more access to greenery so 3 parks within walking distance with playgrounds that are looked after. Not a single broken swing or piece of equipment set fire to. Still, the council have decided to upgrade it. If this were in London it'd be there until completely tired and worn out.

Lovely scenic country walks locally as well. Swimming, farms, museums. Lots of activities put on for children such as local theatre performances for children and families, free arts and craft events and festivals where there's music, food, drink and local handmade stuff to buy. There's quite a few bars and restaurants in town that are lovely and ILs often say it's like coming on holiday walking through some of town in the summer.

Out of London doesn't have to mean out of a busier town. My view may change once the teenage years come in and I might be looking for somewhere else but it was a good move and my child has been much happier. Still commutable to visit family and friends in London which we try to do at least once a month and they individually also come to us (so far) 4 or 5 times a year.

Forgot about the skating, biking and watersports locally but that's not for us yet.

A close friend who does not have much spare cash is bringing her kids up in London (zone 2). Prior COVID she was always up to something different with the kids- usually minimal price or free- eg work shops of various types in the South Bank (eg an Indian dance workshop), coding experiences arranged by companies. She was really on the ball with this- due to lack of funds- in a way that I would never have been.

Perhaps these types of experiences are available in other cities too, but was always impressed what she was up to out of the norm of usual clubs.

I get the fear, it's just because it's a change from what the OP knows it's not meant to be offensive.

What Ive seen amongst friends is the ones who moved to other towns actually have a much better set up than say the outer zones or edges of the home counties (obvs location specific). Everything is within walking distance & lots of amenities. In many parts of London you don't get this.

At weekends we normally get up very early and collect some wood and faggots from the forest. After we have lit the stove and heated the water, we have a good scrub down before shaving the hair off our knuckles and clipping our toe nails with a pair of blacksmith's pincers.

By 7.30 am we are usually on the train into London to look at the big buildings, shops and red buses, before turning around and heading back out again around 5pm.

We're in Welsh Wales and we spend our weekends watching or playing rugby, stirring cawl and baking laver bread.

We spend the evenings sitting in pubs waiting for the Saeson so that we can practice our Welsh

My parents moved us from London to the suburbs and I hated it

I live in Z3, I count that as the suburbs

I'm echoing others here I know, but the biggie really is public transport - both the availability and the cost. This is not just a city/town/village thing - a village on a major bus route can be fine. A pp mentioned after school clubs. For us, for many years, if they didn't catch the single school bus, I had to fetch them in the car because the public bus cost £5.60 one way. So that used to be a 1hr round trip for me every day there was an after school club. For us that was 5 days a week. Now as older teens we have to ferry them around to every activity/friends meeting (unless it's cyclable) as there is no evening public transport. Again, for us that's 6-7 days a week. It's a drive to pick up a pint of milk. Unless we are going out for a walk, which we have in abundance, we have to drive to get there. For us, when house hunting, being on a bus route was one of the most important criterea. OK there are no evening busses, but at least they can get themselves about during the day and at weekends. Now they also catch the train to the nearest city. I just have to pick up and drop off from the station. For us it's most significant difference between living in a city where everything is on your doorstep, and being that bit further out.

I live in semi rural outer commuterland, but regularly go into London to hang out with friends who live there. The more time I spend in London the more I envy elements of their lives. I'd love to have more choices of places to eat out, for instance. My only options are gastropubs. And for takeaways it's very ordinary Chinese or Indian.or fish and chips.

The rurality is great in spring and summer. But in winter I feel like I'm confined to the house. There's nowhere to walk after dark. And yes, without a car I'm stuffed.

My kids needed to be ferried everywhere until they passed their driving tests (though often shared with other parents).

So I'd say if you exchange London for another city with decent public transport, you won't notice a huge difference. But small town life will be very different.

On the upside, when my kids were school age, life was super simple compared to my SILs in a big city. My kids went to playgroup, primary schools and secondary school without any dramas about whether they'd get a place at the preferred school/with their friends. There was only one school practically available at each change of phase, and their friends at three years old were still their friends at 18 (though with the pool added to at each phase as neighbouring villages/tiny town's pupils added in).