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Original poster

Helping DP downsize

83 replies

TDCtomorrow · 16/02/2022 22:45

I need some suggestions on how to start helping DP downsize. Every room is full as DF is a hoarder. I don't know where to start or how to go about it.

Only DM will be able to help due to DF being unwell.

It's so overwhelming and I've only got 3 weeks

OP posts:
UserPotato · 16/02/2022 22:56

Gosh sounds difficult.

I've helped a friend in similar circumstances. She had a forced house sale. She wouldn't throw anything away. Her kitchen cupboards were full of out of date cans of sweetcorn and and she wouldn't throw them away. She had nine soup tureens. And no bench space or usable chairs for anyone to come round and have any soup. It was incredibly difficult and frustrating.

I think it's important to disassociate the items with the cost. The money has been spent, it's gone amd you can't get it back. It doesn't matter if these nine soup tureens cost £100 if you are never going to use them they are worth nothing at all.

Don't fall into the 'we can sell that' trap. If they were going to sell anything it would have happened already.

Don't feel guilty for throwing things away.

I'd get a skip.

IsDaveThere · 16/02/2022 23:20

We got a skip when my elderly mum downsized, it was filled very quickly!

Original poster
TDCtomorrow · 17/02/2022 18:09

They don't have anywhere to put a skip.
There's a life time of crap there and more.
I can't decide whether to do one room at a time or just go room to room getting obvious crap to throw away out. Furniture will need selling so there's a lot of logistics to consider. Plus I work full time so I need to be as efficient as possible

OP posts:
MenaiMna · 17/02/2022 18:20

Sorry to say if it's a hoarder house you might not be able to sell upholstered furniture as it might have got quite musty and not attractive to buyers. Cheap veneered furniture isn't easily upcycled but real wood stuuf without worms or damage might be attractive for resale. Also if you think you have no room for a skip think about a "hippo bag" which is a soft sided skip. If you give yourself one day to swoop through and make sure you've got actual valuables such as jewelry, art, paperwork etc call in the house clearance companies. You probably won't make any money but hopefully you won't have to pay THEM to take stuff away like we did with grandparents in law. Sorry you're under pressure and Good luck.

AwkwardPaws27 · 17/02/2022 18:21

British Heart Foundation will collect furniture donations. Unless its v high quality or sought after antiques, secondhand doesn't go for much & arranging collections/delivery is a faff.

Your time is worth money too. If you have stuff to sell, do one bootsale - anything unsold goes in the skip. Don't commit every Sunday morning for yonks!

I'd go room by room - once you have a clear room it'll be easier as you'll have space to sort.

NoodleNuts · 17/02/2022 19:14

If you aren't getting a skip, how are you planning on throwing stuff out? Especially as you say you work full time and only have 3 weeks to do it. It will mean a lot of trips to the tip!

I would do 1 room at a time but whichever way you choose, that will be a massive task in not much time!

QuillBill · 17/02/2022 19:38

You can apply to put a skip on the road. You can't do this without a skip or a house clearance company if 'every room is full'. You can't be arsing around selling things if you have three weeks and you work full time.

WhoppingBigBackside · 17/02/2022 19:43

Downsizing from what to what?

If they are going from a 3-bed house to a 1-bed, they can only take what will fit in.

You can list things on free sites like Frewcycle and Freegle.

MrsBaublesDylan · 17/02/2022 19:44

Is the property being sold in 3 weeks op?

If it is, you need to get really drastic.

I would hire a large storage container for the front garden and take everything out that they want to keep.

This will help them 'pack' for their new home, since they will be able to see how much space they have.

Then I would pay for a house clearance.

Unless the furniture is mid century solid wood, Ercol/G Plan/Danish it will not sell in three weeks, or possibly ever.

Encourage your parents to think in terms of what they will gain by choosing the items which are either essential or sentimental.

Be careful with the sentimental stuff! I would give them a large box each and say they can pick out sentimental items to fill it with and the rest will have to go.

If you go through each room asking if each item should be kept or binned you will need at least six months. I'm not kidding.

LittleBrenda · 17/02/2022 19:51

Unless the furniture is mid century solid wood, Ercol/G Plan/Danish it will not sell in three weeks, or possibly ever.
This is so true. The auction houses are teaming with furniture that is selling for pennies.

AfterSchoolWorry · 17/02/2022 19:54

Will they let you throw stuff out though?

Original poster
TDCtomorrow · 17/02/2022 20:40

The way three house is set there is no road to put a skip and no access to get it near the garden.

They're going from a 3 bed to a small 2 bed bungalow.

There won't be soft furniture like sofa etc going but units dining set and wardrobes.
The recycling places around here are appointment only and each take a different type of rubbish. Massive pain in the arse.
I can my stress levels building.
I'm hoping they'll let me throw loads away because there really is no other option.

OP posts:
StripeyDeckchair · 17/02/2022 21:03

If its about memories linked to items try taking photos and chucking it. Eg cards, children's pictures etc

Original poster
TDCtomorrow · 18/02/2022 22:29

Well I did almost one room today. Probably one of the worst ones too.

It nearly broke me I won't lie. It was worse than I was expecting because I avoid the rooms as much as possible so it was a hell of a shock
1 down 7 to go ☹️

OP posts:
feelsobadfeltsogood · 18/02/2022 22:31

How about getting a house clearance firm in?

user1471538283 · 19/02/2022 10:05

I would either pay for a house clearance firm to take the big stuff or put it on facebook marketplace for free and it will all go to a new home!

If there isnt room for a skip is there room for a skip bag?

I think you need help so you can fill up the cars quickly to get to the tip.

kweeble · 19/02/2022 10:13

It sounds awful - hopefully your DM will know what must be kept - help her see what will go into their new home.
I wouldn’t be able to cope without a skip - if you can put junk outside for collection I’d do so. If you have a van collect waste check that they have a permit as you don’t want to be liable if they fly tip it.
Try to think of it as a challenge with an end date - if you can’t sort it all then you could pay for short term storage so it doesn’t move into the new house.

Original poster
TDCtomorrow · 19/02/2022 17:57

Day 2 done.
Got rid of quite a bit on Facebook and a local charity shop. 1 room looks almost normal now. Got some interest in the big furniture I've emptied out so far.

A house clearance isn't really practical because I'd still need to go through it all
If when we're almost out of time I'll get one of those disposal lads to take it away.
Rubbish bags are easy because it's a communal collection area do not limited to 2 bags.

Thank you for all the advice and support I'll keep letting you know how it goes. I think I'll have a month to get it done

OP posts:
Greattimestroubledtimes · 19/02/2022 18:04

Ask social services about a specialist house clearance firm - they will know them.

My mother was a hoarder and when she went into hospital the social workers there helped me find a company to help.

They were AMAZING. They only threw away obvious junk - old newspapers, out of date food, rat droppings. Anything else was put to one side for me to check. They sorted out what might have auction value, what the charity shop would take and what was for the tip. And at least twice a day they told me a story about a house which had been far worse.

Hoarding is a hard thing to admit to someone else but please do ask for help as it will be out there

Original poster
TDCtomorrow · 20/02/2022 09:48

@Greattimestroubledtimes

Ask social services about a specialist house clearance firm - they will know them.

My mother was a hoarder and when she went into hospital the social workers there helped me find a company to help.

They were AMAZING. They only threw away obvious junk - old newspapers, out of date food, rat droppings. Anything else was put to one side for me to check. They sorted out what might have auction value, what the charity shop would take and what was for the tip. And at least twice a day they told me a story about a house which had been far worse.

Hoarding is a hard thing to admit to someone else but please do ask for help as it will be out there

There's not much in the way of obvious junk like that. Everything is useable it's just the sheer volume of stuff in every single room Then there's the shed and garden also full. Not even the downstairs loo escaped candy is full of stuff. He took the sink out to make room ffs
OP posts:
Original poster
TDCtomorrow · 21/02/2022 15:25

Just been told got 2 weeks to move. This includes painting the new place
Help!!

OP posts:
Mrsmadevans · 21/02/2022 15:31

You will have to hire someone to paint the new house you can't do it all yourself , presumably you can move stuff into the new place start doing that asap then you can see their house wth renewed eyes and it will encourage you , good luck OP!

maslinpan · 21/02/2022 16:05

How are their finances? Are they able to contribute so that they can pay for a painter for the new place? They should not be relying on your time and your money to cover all this.
Some charities do house clearance where they will make use of as many items they can and sell them on, Emmaus sometimes do this.

Original poster
TDCtomorrow · 21/02/2022 22:21

I've lined up a painter and someone to lay flooring so that's sorted.
Popped over earlier and took stuff out. Just found out he's outside looking through bags to see what I've thrown out ffs.

I'm going to lose my rag if he carries on.

OP posts:
RosesforTea · 21/02/2022 22:33

Just wanted to jump on and say well done for getting through 2 rooms so far, onwards to the next 6! I’m know it won’t feel like it now, but by room 4 you will feel a tipping point that half the house is done/emptied and it will be a bit psychologically easier. (It’s at that point it might become a lot psychologically harder for your DF).

I echo advice on here - outsource what you can (painting other house etc), don’t get too caught up in selling vs throwing out. By the time you factor in your time, the time it takes to market/advertise and then ship/collect items, you may only make a couple of hundred pounds. At certain points, I would have happily paid twice that amount from my own pocket to not bother listing/advertising the stuff!

You are a great daughter. Keep going!