Is there any con to staying with parents for life?

[onlychildhamster]

I was at lunch with my MIL and my SIL over the weekend and the discussion moved to young people living at home. MIL and SIL said that it was ridiculous that young people felt pressured to move out and in the old days, bachelors stayed with their mums for life (not actually too sure about that). From the sounds of it, SIL is aiming to stay with MIL for life. Some people might say that she would change her mind but I am not so sure because of the following factors:

1. She has suspected Aspergers
2. She writes for a living and the income from that is not likely to pay rent.
3. She doesn't meet other people IRL (except family friends and family) so is unlikely to find a partner and get married.
4. MIL is happy with the status quo.

I mean, I don't think its a bad thing. In my home country, people often choose to live with their parents i.e. my father purchased a house with his parents but of course that is a different situation from someone living with their parents without their names on the title deed etc. DH and I lived with MIL for 3 years until we bought our flat.

However, in this country where care home fees are often financed through sale of property etc, what difficulties would that pose if MIL has to go into care (she is only 60 so this is a long way off). SIL is 24. I know they do not sell the house if the child is below 18 but SIL would be way older than that! I have also read that the council may elect to put a lien on the house rather than sell it straight away, but that is not guaranteed right? Also as SIL has 3 other siblings, there may not be much left for SIL to get her own home after the care home fees are deducted and the remainder divided even though its a London house (the 2 other siblings might want an equal share!). Of course this is quite far off and hypothetical and MIL might say that its a minor risk (cos not everyone goes into care!)

What do you all think? Do you think SIL is better off getting her own council flat (assuming she can get one) cos at least she has secure residency in her own right and wouldn't be kicked out of her own home if the house is needed to be sold to pay for care home fees?

I honestly wouldn't be worrying about this now. Your SIL is only in her 20s. None of us know what's round the corner. If she's happy living at home and your MIL is happy for her to do so then that is between them.

Firstly I don't think she is likely to get a council house in London as a single adult with no dependents. Obviously there is a risk that the house will need selling, but arguably she could live there and save up, so be in a better position than if she paid private rent for years. I don't know what would happen regarding care fees.

It is worth considering the emotional difficulties if MIL dies. MIL's will may not say to sell the house, causing resentment from the other siblings, or if it does say to sell and split equally, the other siblings may be the bad guys.

Maybe MIL will leave SIL the house....so she doesn’t need to worry about getting ‘kicked out‘....you sound a bit too invested in the inheritance OP🙄

I think it is rather sad that when discussing the point as to whether 2 single family members should share a home discussions come straight down to money and what would happen if...

It is a home not a bank account. There would be far less of a housing crisis if family members lived under one roof.

@Kitkat151 lol no nothing can be further from the truth! DH and I have no interest in the inheritance, we already own our own property. I just can't speak for the other siblings. Also arguably if she needs the care home, there may not be much of an inheritance anyway.

If it was your SILs only home would she actually be thrown out so the council could sell it for care home fees?
If parents and adult kids are happy living together I think they should do

Mil could put the house in sils name now. If she lives 7 yrs I don't think care home fees come into it. Or state in her will that it can't be sold whilst sil is still living there, thus protect her daughter.

@Frenchfancy I agree. But the set up in the UK doesn't seem to facilitate this. If this was in my home country, I would think it is weird they did not live together!

You're all in London aren't you OP?

Sadly your SIL has very little chance of getting any social housing. Many London boroughs won't even accept her onto their list (applicant has to be homeless or overcrowded).

It's actually a pretty terrible situation for vulnerable Londoners like her (single people with lower earning potential due to disablity or health condition). Particularly since their vulnerability makes staying near family and support networks extra important.

Ideally she'd have the option that is often (but not always) available for people in similar circumstances, who are not Londoners. Independent housing but with support available if needed.

But because disabled and other vulnerable Londoners have been overlooked for several decades by successive governments, I can't see any better option for her than - at least for now - staying with her mum. If both are happy with the arrangement, that's not such a terrible thing. Mutual care and company.

Longer term, wrt selling to pay for your MIL's care (if this was needed). You'll need to check and get legal advice but I think if your SIL qualities as an adult dependant (eg. disabled), the sale can be postponed until after your SIL dies/is suitably rehoused. But definitely do check as I'm not sure.

@Tealightsandd she doesn't get disability benefit so i am not too sure. The thing is she denies she has aspergers or special needs. And so does her mum. But she was diagnosed with it.

@Idontlikeworms

Mil could put the house in sils name now. If she lives 7 yrs I don't think care home fees come into it. Or state in her will that it can't be sold whilst sil is still living there, thus protect her daughter.

Get good legal advice before putting the house in SIL's name.

If the SIL claims or needs to in the future claim income related benefits, owning a home could affect her claim.

Also it could count as deprivation of assets (for the purposes of care fees).

@Tealightsandd DH and I live in London. MIL and SIL live in London too. 2 of DH's siblings are overseas.

While there’s no way I could have lived with my mother after the age of 15, I’d have been happy living with my dad for years if geography of college/jobs had allowed. He was a considerably more pleasant house mate than many people I lived with in shared houses.
If they’re both happy with the arrangement, there’s nothing wrong with it all.

Sorry didn't see she's not claiming any benefits. Cross-posted.

Still, she has a diagnosed disablity/special need that could mean she's vulnerable. She might count as an adult dependant.

It's worth you all getting good legal advice - discuss options for the future.

Most people choose to move out, though. It’s not about feeling the pressure to do so. Leaving home/sharing with friends, then sharing with a partner or living alone are all things that most adults want to do, to give them freedom, independence, life experience.

It’s fine for your ILs to live together, but I don’t think it’s sad that 20-somethings want to share with a friend or two.

They won’t take the house into account if someone over 60 lives in it
But thats about it
She could write a will where if she dies then SIL has the right to live in the house but she can’t sell it
But that means none of you inherit untill SIL dies which jf she is only 24 probably means never

Surely the house can not be sold for Care Home fees if it is someone else's main residence? Especially if it is a residence of many years.

One option to discuss (with a good legal and financial advisor) is putting a share of the house into SIL's name now. That might protect her from homelessness if MIL needs care. Obviously it might not be the right choice for your family but it's one possibilty for you all to look into.

[quote onlychildhamster]@Tealightsandd she doesn't get disability benefit so i am not too sure. The thing is she denies she has aspergers or special needs. And so does her mum. But she was diagnosed with it.[/quote]

Your OP said 'suspected Asperger's'

I am in my 30's and had to move in with my DM due to circumstances beyond my control, including medical issues. We're more like roommates though than mother - daughter.

I now know that I have ADHD, which is why I couldn't cope. Now I'm being treated, I'm back in uni, I'm going to start saving, and I'm going to move out. This will take time, but my DM is in her 70s now, and when the time comes (and I pray to every God there is, that it isn't any time soon) I'll need to be ready otherwise I'll end up homeless, because it's a council house, and it can't be put in my name. I'm on the list for social housing, but I haven't got aa chance.

I don't want to be here for life, but right now I know I am in a privileged position to be able to save money, study, and be a temp for work so I can control when and where u work.

Urgh, ignore auto correct

I don't understand what it's got to do with you. they're happy with the set up, why should she move out. Worrying about something that may or may not happen 20 years down the line is a bit weird.

A friend of mine had to abandon her adult daughter who had special needs and move 200 miles away, so the daughter would be housed by the council. It was very hard but she needed to make sure her dd's life was organised for after the mother's death.

I think its going to become much more common TBH.

My parents would have been happy if we lived with them forever. I would be fine with it if my kids wanted to live with me forever but I doubt that will happen. I’m not in any rush for them to move out, they are welcome as long as they live.