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Original poster

What would you do if a lonely person kept visiting you everyday?

116 replies

IcyWinterWonderland · 13/02/2022 21:33

Hi everyone
This is a situation which I am facing. I was wondering how other people would handle it.
I completely understand how it feels to be lonely and I understand loneliness is one of the worst feelings. I have been desperately lonely during times in my life with no one to talk to.

A very lonely person I know has taken to visiting me either everyday or every other day invited and unexpected, and it is getting really annoying. I am really not sure what to do.

I feel like a horrible person for telling him to go away. He also lives on the same street as me which makes it easy for him to just pop by. I live in a shared house and my housemates know him as one of my friends, so sometimes they just let him in to wait for me. When I come home, I sometimes see him standing in the kitchen. After a long day of work and studying, I just feel really irritated to see him in my kitchen when I come home. I am ashamed to say this, but I have tried to ignore him when he comes to the door, but he just keeps knocking.

To be honest, I am getting really annoyed with him visiting me. I don't really want him visiting me at all anymore because he has overstepped the mark into becoming annoying. I know that if I tell him to go away, he will become lonelier and it will make things even worse for him.

What would you do if you were in my situation?

OP posts:

ThatsNotMyGolem · 21/02/2022 16:14

@Sledgingdown

I feel sorry for him tbh. As far as he was concerned he had a close friend, who suddenly went to completely not having anything to do with him, without him having done anything different.

I can understand your frustration OP, I really can. But this person may have no idea that he’s unwelcome and will probably be really confused and upset, so I don’t think you can treat him as a full on stalker just yet.

Why do you feel sorry for someone who has repeatedly ignored OP's requests to leave her alone?

titchy · 21/02/2022 16:16

But this person may have no idea that he’s unwelcome and will probably be really confused and upset,

Why would he have no idea when the OP has messaged him and very clearly told him

Mrsjayy · 21/02/2022 16:20

The op has clearly told him he can't just come over without warning and he has chosen to ignore her , how can anyone feel sorry for him.

Lockheart · 21/02/2022 16:25

@Libertybear80

The op doesn't say where this guy is a student. I'm sorry but I'm a lecturer and have personal students. This is a matter for the police not the pastoral team!

It's in her 4th post, from this morning.

AppleBlueberryPie · 21/02/2022 18:06

And my suspicion - although not wanting to diagnose on the basis of a short thread - is that they may not be neurotypical and so may need some support/guidance. And even if not, they may just need some help.

I agree with this (ND myself), however there's a massive unwritten rule on MN that you must never insinuate that someone's undesirable behaviour is non-maliciously caused by ND issues. You will get jumped on for trying to excuse "asshole behaviour" with an ASD/ADD diagnosis. This is especially the case with husband or MIL threads.

I find this all very bizarre, as there is a fantastic section for ND people here and a lot of understanding & tolerance for the differences. However on all threads started about an odd person, it's assumed that they are NT, and therefore open game to be labelled as "creep", "weirdo", "stalker" or "pervert". I honestly just think it's a mob mentality. People use the excuse of not allowing anyone to suggest someone is ND in order to justify a hearty bashing of a stranger.

To be slightly controversial, a lot of "stalkers" are often ND individuals who do not understand social cues combined with a hyperfocus on a person or friendship. I've had a lot of ND friends/acquaintances over the years and some behaviours might be deemed disturbing when described at face value but were harmless if you knew the person. Eg There was one person who I only fleetingly met once but would remember my birthday and make me elaborate gifts every year (he didn't know my address so they were never sent but I did get a photo via email). Sounds creepy but I didn't worry about it as he was genuinely a lonely guy who enjoyed making things as a hobby. The gifts went on for 5 years and eventually stopped as he moved onto other things.

Obviously not suggesting that OP's person is like this but it's proof that there is a huge spectrum of behaviours that can be attributed to neurodiversity. Obviously if something is making your uncomfortable then you have every right to cut all contact with someone ND or not. They will just have to accept that and move on.

Sledgingdown · 21/02/2022 18:14

But she told him once, not to come over uninvited, after having seen him daily. He probably thinks they’re friends. He may not be aware of the strength of her feelings.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 21/02/2022 18:55

@Mrsjayy

The op has clearly told him he can't just come over without warning and he has chosen to ignore her , how can anyone feel sorry for him.

I agree!

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 21/02/2022 18:55

@Sledgingdown

But she told him once, not to come over uninvited, after having seen him daily. He probably thinks they’re friends. He may not be aware of the strength of her feelings.

She told him not to come over and he did. He's aware of her feelings and ignored them.

Cherrysoup · 21/02/2022 19:12

I think you need to be very straight with him and tell him. I don’t think your friendship will survive, tho, so be prepared. I did similar with a friend and had to block her eventually. It was just too intense and I didn’t have the strength for it. For the sake of my mental health, I had to withdraw.

MarbleQueen · 21/02/2022 23:10

I feel sorry for him tbh. As far as he was concerned he had a close friend, who suddenly went to completely not having anything to do with him, without him having done anything different

He does know he’s not welcome because the op told him not to come uninvited. He’s not confused and if he’s at uni he can presumably read.Who the actual fuck turns up at someone’s house every single day uninvited?

My sympathies are with the op who’s feeling upset and harassed in her own home,not some random man who pretends he doesn’t understand basic social rules and won’t be told no.

echt · 22/02/2022 01:45

@IcyWinterWonderland

Just an update I told him via text a few days ago not to come around without an invite. This evening he invited himself to my house again. I ignored him when he came to the door. He knocked for a while too. Any advice would be appreciated.

Why on earth did you give him your phone number?

Original poster

IcyWinterWonderland · 22/02/2022 19:38

I have read through the replies to this thread. I am torn between sending him a text saying 'Stop contacting me. If you contact me again. I will report you to the police for harassment.' or just ignoring him completely until (hopefully) he goes away.

OP posts:

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 23/02/2022 00:13

If he contacts you again uninvited then send the text.

WeaverofWords · 23/02/2022 13:59

With mine, after a few times like you, on one more go, i wrote along the lines of:

“I was most surprised to see you waiting for me at my workplace. Please do not ever contact me like this, or at any other place, or by text, or email, or phone, or any other means again.”

I then contacted the police. They paid him a visit & told him it was harassment.

Grrrpredictivetex · 11/03/2022 10:22

@IcyWinterWonderland have you been left in peace now?

moocow1234567 · 28/03/2022 22:21

Hi! Did he ever leave you alone??

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