Confident people who say they are not confident 🙄

[Mls1984btc]

Have you ever come across confident people who say they are not confident? Would you call that pure self deprecation?

Lack of self-awareness?

Loads of people act, or come across confidently, yet feel inside like a quivering teenage bag of nerves waiting to be found out...
Isn't this normal?!

Yes I have.

Someone told me recently that they were very unconfident and suffered from low esteem and anxiety. I said how surprised I was, as they always came over as very self confident to me. The reply was that they masked it well and their confidence was just a front.

I would say I fit this description! I fake confidence but inside I am usually churning and it takes the smallest thing to make me blush fiercely. But I reckon people think I am confident when really I am full of anxiety and suffer from low self esteem.

I'm confident in front of a class of 5 year olds because I know I'm good at my job but I'm not confident in 'real life'.

I see it as two different people if that makes sense? The teacher me makes a fool out of herself and prances about etc but the normal me absolutely hates being the centre of attention, hates walking into a room full of people and pretty much has hated her looks for years.

I think you can have people who are not confident but come across as so, yes.

People often describe me as confident, but I’m not. It’s all masking in order to cope.

It sounds like you think you know your friend’s experience of themselves better than they do, or that they’re lying to you. Both of those are very undermining of someone and, if they’re anything like me, will make things worse for them.

Part of my job involves providing training on networking and public speaking. I’ve always absolutely hated networking, public speaking and training people I guess some people don’t believe me when I say it but it’s true. However, it lets me do the bits of my job that I love, so it’s worth it for me (I’m a marketing/comms manager, love the creative side).

I usually open with ‘confessing’ it when training, and often use the analogy that I’m like someone who hates exercise, but loves being fit and feels amazing once I’ve done it.

You are assuming that they feel the way you perceive them to be. This is often a foolish assumption.

I stunned one of my employees recently by revealing how desperately I struggle with my confidence. She had been trying to be ‘more like me’ because she thought I was confident through and through! Like other posters, I’m really good at putting on a front, and I’m better in some situations than others.

Yup that’s totally me. Looks like confidence, but I’m desperately masking. I’m riddled with self doubt, suffer from anxiety, my self esteem isn't great but I have a very good ‘fake it till you make it face’ I can put on. Loads of people think I’m super confident as a result.

But my real friends, they know the real me.

But how do you know how they actually feel inside? I’ve been faking confidence for so long that I don’t always realise that in some situations that’s moved to actual confidence but I’m still often faking it and the whole idea of that is no one would know

I'm one of these. I appear very confident but actually on the inside I'm a mess. None of it is natural and it's exhausts me. I feel very very anxious when I have to speak in front of people. I do it because it's my job to do so and no other reason. I'm confident but actually not confident.

I think a huge chunk of people will fit this description and I'm a bit surprised that you haven't come across the concept of 'fake it till you make it' / putting on a brave front etc before if I'm honest.

I did an ADHD questionnaire recently where I completed slated everything to do with my confidence, self esteem and self worth. My partner had to fill it in from perspective and rated them as high as possible. I am able to majorly mark my anxiety and basically fake it til I make it

I have terrible social anxiety and GAD. I put on my "people face"
and I come across as very chatty, confident, great at public speaking etc. people are shocked when I say I lack confidence.
It's emotionally draining. I have little confidence and do not have much faith in myself. I have low self esteem and use my "people face" to mask this. Spend most of my time overanalysing everything and worrying.
Goes to show you have no way of knowing how people feel on the inside.

Two things, yes, some people are putting on a front and the other thing is that some people feel they're not as confident as they could be, but are comparing themselves with their idea of the most confident people rather than the least confident. They may not realise just how unconfident other people can be.

I wouldn't call it self-deprecating as it is an act.

More people than you realise are acting confident.

A few people I've met who are actually actors, singers and other performers are anxious people in real life. Some of them are quivering wrecks and don't like meeting new people. However when they go on stage they become a different character so appear confident.

It's possible to fake confidence op. It doesn't mean the person is not confident and if I was the person on the receiving end of that sort of judgement from you it would do me a lot of damage.

As an example, a short time ago I did a very public thing for work in front of a significant number of people. I looked very confident. What people couldn't see was that my hand was shaking so badly that my whole arm was shaking and I couldn't hold anything. People like me learn to put a face on, it doesn't mean we aren't affected. The week before I had to do a thing and was sick multiple times beforehand. I did the thing very badly to my own detriment because of lack of confidence

Some people are definitely good at putting on a front. I appear much more confident than I actually am!

You're assuming that the way that you perceive them. Some people act "big" because of bravado or insecurity - they don't want people to know that they are scared too.

One of the best "non academic" things I did at school (and loved it !) was drama. Invaluable in modern life.

Depends on context. Daily board room me can do meetings fine. No nerves. Know my stuff. All me to go 'on stage' and I would run away fast.

Don't always believe what you see, many people are masters at hiding their inner feelings, just because someone acts confident doesn't mean they feel it.

You might say that about me. I function well at work. I'm friendly. I keep going.

But I am de-railed emotionally by failure and rejection and exclusion.

I think a certain type of person will actually pick up on that in me. A few people who are more confident than I am will set out to exclude me (and succeed!). Nobody notices. I keep going because you only look crazy if you do or say anything.

I took so many goes to pass my driving test and go up a grade at work and every single failure had me having to ''dialogue'' myself up out of a depression.

I always managed to talk myself back up again.

But somebody who left our work told me I was confident and extrovert recently and I thought, what........... who?

Another person who fakes confidence I'm actually a ball of anxiety and have been extremely suicidal at times. My heart rate runs naturally in the 120s when I am at work or in social situations I am that anxious and uncomfortable but I put on a front. It is very common.