Confident people who say they are not confident 🙄

[Mls1984btc]

Have you ever come across confident people who say they are not confident? Would you call that pure self deprecation?

I fake confidence. I'm good at masking at work and in my professional capacity.
I can show you and pull off my ' Head high, tits out' aura of confidence, I'll make conversation about anything when those around me visibly struggle but inside you don't see my swirling ball of self doubt and anxiety.
I find it quite easy to switch if I'm honest, I've trained myself to fake it over the years.

I find the eye roll a bit insulting tbh

I've always been excruciatingly shy but I've worked really, really hard over the last 10 years to work around it because otherwise I'd be unable to do anything I want to!

I can pass pretty well as a confident person in my day to day life now. You'd only know I don't feel that way if you knew me well or saw me out of my 'comfort zone' when I'm a completely different person.

It can be pretty tiring as well.

Maybe they are confident on some aspects bit not in others?

I am perfectly fine doing public speaking/presentations or showing someone how to do something in a work context....however I feel shy and awkward if we ever have to "mingle" or when I take DS1 to class parties and have to chat to other parents.

To be honest, that’s me! I think it’s the first word everyone would use to describe me as. But on the inside there’s very little confidence. I have to put on a show all day at work as a teacher and be in control. But socially, due to bullying at school, it’s left me with terrible paranoia socially so that I’m always convinced that people are just pretending to like me or ‘tolerate’ me. I don’t think anyone actually likes me.

Some people seem confident but are possibly faking it. For example I once had a volunteer colleague who had an air of self confidence but was quite insecure underneath.

Just because someone looks confident doesn't mean they are.

You can also be confident in one aspect of life e.g. work, but not confident overall.

I think assuming your idea of their confidence levels is more accurate than their own report of their confidence levels is quite an arrogant approach to take.

It's just your perception of them.

I remember once having a slightly drunken heart to heart with a school mum that I knew, but wasn't super close to or anything. I mentioned that i worry about everything all the time and it drives my DH mad, and that I always feel so disorganised, and she couldn't believe it. She said she always thought I was so confident and organised and under control and that she just thought of me as one of those mums who has it all together? And then I couldn't believe that!

To be honest, I really don't feel like I put out a vibe that I have my shit together, but clearly I must do in some way!

One of dd's teenage friends was loud, bombastic, forthright and as outgoing as anyone I've ever met. She was always telling people how shy she was, mainly as an excuse to get out of doing things she didn't want to do.

I might appear confident in public, however I have have terrible anxiety, to the point I haven't got out of bed since Thursday because my anxiety is out of control.

You don't know other people's innermost feelings; only their external 'front'.

Everybody thinks I am a sociable, confident, outgoing person. People always express shock when I say I am shy, or feel intimated, because their perception of me is so different to how i actually feel. It just shows how good my masking techniques are i suppose!

These days I can speak to anybody, be friendly, act confident, deal with difficult situations with grace, but it's a learned behaviour and one I have had to work hard to cultivate. When I was a teenager I could barely speak to anybody, my throat just closed up if I tried, my hands shook so badly i couldnt write or hold a drink, I'd just hide in the shadows wishing I could be different, better, more confident. That's no way to live, so I learned to fake it; my life and interpersonal relationships improved immeasurably as a consequence.

If you want to be more confident you can learn how, but don't criticise and judge others for 'lying' or 'being fake' based on your own skewed perceptions of their personalities.

I know people who don't really know me would think I'm confident. It's bravado/a coping mechanism. I have a constant voice in my head telling me what a stupid dickhead i am and that I'm an idiot.

If you want to be more confident you can learn how, but don't criticise and judge others for 'lying' or 'being fake' based on your own skewed perceptions of their personalities*

Exactly this ^^. You can't possibly know what's going on inside someone's head.

That would be my name to add to those on most of the posts above me. Like others I can teach a class, answer questions and be the life and soul whilst actually watching myself from a sphere outside of what is actually what is going on. It's fucking grim, and like many others I only truly feel confident with my immediate family inside the 4 walls of my own home. Please don't exacerbate the worthlessness a lot of people feel with the eye rolling, it says more about you than those who profess to not be confident when they are.

I am exceptionally good at pretending.

But, I think most confident people, or at least confident women, are.

I have an inner monologue ALL the time, which tells me basically “right you’re going to be shit at this, how would x do it”.

I'm sure I come across as confident as I'm a very good actress but I'm usually terrified and acting so confidently drains me really badly and has a serious mental health impact - I was a functioning alcoholic for years trying to maintain the facade.

So don't judge a book by it's cover, I guess.

@Ishouldreallybeonholiday

I'm one of these. I appear very confident but actually on the inside I'm a mess. None of it is natural and it's exhausts me. I feel very very anxious when I have to speak in front of people. I do it because it's my job to do so and no other reason. I'm confident but actually not confident.

This is me. You have no idea how people feel. And it is exhausting.

God reading all these replies is so reassuring!

@FusionChefGeoff

Agree! I feel like I have found my people. I’m not the only one feeling like this

And me I am definitely confident in some situations, mask it in others and in others I am a quivering wreck!

I was joking with a friend about how arrogant I can be and he said you aren’t at all as you are very self deprecating and the reality is he is true. I have very low self esteem but that doesn’t stop me from appearing/being confident.

Nice and sneery op
My job means I have to appear confident and outgoing
I am the absolute opposite on the inside
Constantly anxious and have a very low opinion of myself
People would assume I am super self confident

And in save my 🙄 for judgemental twats

@BurntToastAgain

You are assuming that they feel the way you perceive them to be. This is often a foolish assumption.

This in spades Assumption = the mother of all F ups

I think that’s a massive assumption you’ve made about someone else’s interior state - which, to state the bloody obvious, you cannot ever know.

They’ve told you they’re not as confident as they come across.

Bit arrogant to assume you know better!

The outer projection of confidence is a learned skill.

I’m another one who fakes confidence and can be quite convincing.
One of my colleagues mentioned the other day that from his perspective he thinks I am an extrovert and love talking to people.
No, I’m actually an extreme introvert and would be perfectly happy talking to no one and blanking everyone. But I chose a career where we have to work as a team, and it really helps your progression if you have supportive team members.
So I have just forced myself to go against my feelings and make an effort to talk to people. Then after a while talking to these people everyday is just natural.
I still really struggle in new situations though.

Another one here but I mask and am crippled by anxiety in certain work situations. Would like to say it has gotten easier after multiple promotions and positive feedback on my work but inside my thoughts and emotions are screaming at me to get the fuck out of the situation. This is even after extensive cbt, daily yoga and meditation, medication and counselling over the past 20 years. I have to just power through the thoughts and feelings even though they are overwhelming.