Confident people who say they are not confident 🙄

[Mls1984btc]

Have you ever come across confident people who say they are not confident? Would you call that pure self deprecation?

Sounds like you are taking this as if it is black or white, it isn't. I can be confident at some things and not in others. I can also look and speak as if I have confidence, when I am a bag of nerves inside.

I come across as increasingly confident the more anxious I’m feeling (we’ll, up until I have a panic attack).

In fact I once had a panic attack in hospital after very calmly and assertively explaining to the midwife that my anxiety was in my notes and I was seeing a consultant for it. She wouldn’t believe that it was a pre existing condition rather than usual pregnancy nerves and that I physically couldn’t calm down enough for my heart rate to go down so they’d bloody let me leave.

How people act isn’t always how they feel on the inside.

Well*

How do you know how they feel?

Someone can appear confident but be struggling inside.

There's a reason there's the saying "fake it till you make it"

Op not come back to the thread. Hope they realise how wrong they were.

That's me.
I come across as confident but it's a fake it till you make it thing.

A lot of people can be confident but then when they get home anxiety kicks in and they re-analyse everything they said and did and how it could be taken the wrong way.

I am not confident. I wouldn't have a first dance at our wedding, only had close family there as hate being center of attention etc.

No one would suspect it. Not even DH. I am so wary of being a burden/people feeling that they have to do things with me out of pity that I don't mention it ever. So I fake it. Big time. After a childhood plagued by DM moaning that she 'had' to do things for other people I am buggered if people feel that about me. So I didn't tell anyone DM died for days as I didn't want people to feel they had to be nice/kind to me.

Please please don't think that doing/saying things and not hiding away means people are confident. It can mean the polar opposite.

Some people may say this about me, but I’m one of those people who come across as awkward when I feel not confident eg talking too much or saying the wrong thing

I also think being confident in one setting does not mean you feel confident all the time, like the thought of having to give a presentation/speak publicly makes me nervous and I definitely wouldn’t be able to do that

No, I'd just call it honesty.

A lot of people at work would assume I'm pretty confident.
It's all fake.
My closest colleagues are aware of my crippling self doubt and imposter syndrome.

You don't know how confident someone else feels. Some people hide their insecurities very well.

You never know what's inside someone's head until you really get to know them. I come across as confident, chatty, bubbly etc. I can talk to my customers, put them at easy, make them laugh, but the reality is my confidence isn't particularly high. Its all an act, if I act confident I can be confident. I've always had to take a deep breath, fix on a smile, straighten up my back and push myself.

Lots of people appear confident because they can express themselves well but may not be behind that expression.

It's about circumstance as much as anything.

Me at work: second guess everything, double check, don't speak up incase wrong, nervous about everything I do

Me at work party: on the dancefloor between courses encouraging everyone to dance, chatting away to new people etc

Colleagues always seem surprised when I tell them how much I dislike presenting to large groups. But it’s an important part of my job now so I’ve worked really hard to try and overcome the fear. I still don’t enjoy it and get very nervous but I’ve developed coping strategies now.

Well now you know OP!!I am also one of these people. If I do a personality test I come out as an introvert. However, I am over 6' tall with a naturally loud voice and if in my comfort zone( which would be with close friends where I feel safe), or at work (where I am good at my job and confident) literally no one would suspect I was an introvert but put me in a situation where I don't know people and I absolutely hate it. This is about how people feel inside and they are there only ones who know this so YABU.

Everyone thinks I’m very confident. I’m not at all. I just present a good facade!

I think there can be a lot of poor self awareness - my sister says she hates confrontation- I have never encountered any one as confronting as my sister - she may not think she like’s doing but she's happy to do it more than anyone one else.

I'm considered to be extremely confident, to the point of arrogance at times so I have been told. Inside I'm a gibbering wreck with huge imposter syndrome.

Exactly this ^^. You can't possibly know what's going on inside someone's head.

It's not what's going on in my head that's the problem, it's what's going on in my guts! I hate that I get nervous about these things because really what's the worst that can happen, but my body has different ideas. I doubt that's apparent to others.

For me, confident people are the ones who can swiftly bounce back from setbacks eg breakups, losing their job/getting a new job. Like they truly don’t let things knock their confidence

I've had two people comment on how confident I was and that they wished they could be, too.

I'm the least confident person I know. I'm anxious over so many everyday things. It was bizarre and it made me realise that the person inside my head isn't the person they see.

The first time I had to give a talk I made a deal with myself that if it was horrendous and I embarrassed myself, I could change the course of my career so I'd never have to do it again, or see those people again. That level of irrational anxiety. It went fine.

This describes me to a tee. Lots of my colleagues over the years would probably describe me as very confident, but they don’t see the side of me that’s full of self doubt, that can’t phone anyone up for a chat - including my own children (thank heavens for texting!), that can’t walk into a cafe / pub / restaurant alone until I know exactly where the person I’m meeting is sitting.
Imposter syndrome is very real. Lockdown was great for me as I didn’t have to meet up with anyone.

Very few people are confident in every situation. The confident person you see may lack confidence in another area of their life.

I’m confident at work, socially and in most situations. However, using technology and talking on the phone I’m absolutely not confident. Practically I’m extremely capable and always make good, innovative decisions quickly. However, I lack general intelligence so see myself as a bit thick in some ways.

It’s similar with people who appear extrovert, and yet claim to be introverts.