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Original poster

Is your parents house still your 'home?'

162 replies

seekinglondonlife · 29/01/2022 09:07

Saw something on another thread that made me think how lovely it must be to go to your parents house and still feel it is home.
Although we are close, I have quite a formal relationship with my DM and step dad. I don't have a house key, when I visit them I ring the doorbell and wait for them to answer the door, even if I can see them through the window. My old bedroom has been turned into a room for one of my siblings (he lives an hour away) and the box room is now a bedroom for his dd. None of the other dgc have ever spent a night in their house.
Weirdly I feel much more comfortable in DHs family home.

OP posts:
Mo1911 · 29/01/2022 13:58

My parents house wasn't welcoming or homely when I lived there. It's still not and never will be but it's due to the people not the bricks and mortar.

GodspeedJune · 29/01/2022 14:00

My lovely DM has always made it clear we can return home if we ever need to. I don’t think DDad is so keen but it’s comforting to know the door is always open!

My house feels like home now but definitely feel homely and settled when visiting parents. I have a key and wouldn’t dream of knocking on the door and waiting.

RonCarlos · 29/01/2022 14:10

Yes, DMs house is the one I was brought back to as a baby. I still feel like it is my true home. I don't feel like this yet about my actual home which I have lived in for over a decade...

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Families
Calennig · 29/01/2022 14:10

No and they haven't moved.

It started after degree finished - wasn't guaranteed a room - after masters had to sleep on the sofa till got own place sorted. They were supportive helped me get a loan to pay for own place - took me down to bank no small thing bnetween temp work and poor transport options- and got my things down there and helped one move after as well.

Its's fair enough really - was more upsetting my DC never welcome there really - DN had own room in their house Hmm.

DH has opposite - 6 and half years away university - and then got own place FIL was really off with him when he wanted to take everything - insited he wasn't moving out got odd about DH refering to his house as home. Upside we can stop with them - though recent illness requireing FIL to use comodoe as couldn;t do stairs would have prefered to stop in local hotel as it would have been eaiser on eveyone - IL refused to allow us to do that Hmm.

We will mostly likely have to move for work when kids are past exam years - may mean we go down to three or even two rooms rather than current four. I'd like them to always feel welcome but can't really afford to do room shrines to them.

PrettyBluebells · 29/01/2022 14:23

I don't call it home any more but I did move out 37 years ago, lol, plus I live close by. They do live in the same house, I have a key and walk straight in, I can also just go into the kitchen and get a drink etc. My children call it their half home and they're 20 and 16, lol. My sister who is 59 and lives away says she's going home for the weekend, ha ha. I've never realised that may sound weird to some people.

00deed1988 · 29/01/2022 14:24

It's still my home although I don't have a room there. I have a key, I can go over whenever I like, I help myself to the food in the cupboards, my kids stay over now and again but not loads but that's probably because we tend to all go together to spend the day. My mum has made it very clear if I ever needed somewhere to go I can always come home and we would make it work until I sorted myself out. Will always be my home.

PompomDahlia · 29/01/2022 14:26

Sort of. It’s the house I was born and raised in. My
Mum enjoys me coming to visit and makes up my room nicely. But as both of my parents have got older they’re struggling to keep on top of the housework so I don’t feel particularly comfortable eating or using the kitchen. I do some cleaning when I come home but it’s really difficult balancing their feelings and mine around this and they won’t let me help with organising a cleaner. Mixed feelings really - I miss it emotionally when I haven’t been home for a while

Gwenhwyfar · 29/01/2022 14:27

Yes, but it's not necessarily a good thing.
It's not that great to be in your teenage bedroom every Christmas in your 40s looking at your Home and Away poster. I even start to stamp my feet like a teenager when I'm there.

flashpaper · 29/01/2022 14:34

I've just bought my childhood home from my parents, so yes it definitely is! It's a lovely house that just needs a bit of updating.

maudmadrigal · 29/01/2022 14:38

No, it doesn't feel like home, though I/we are always welcome. They moved out of the house I grew up in as soon as my younger sister left home and now live in a different country. So no popping in etc. Totally happy to help myself to stuff, put kettle on etc when there.

PILs still live in the house DH grew up in, though they've done a lot of work to it. They live 15 minutes from us, but DH wouldn't consider that his home either (though again we would always be welcome, and decamped there in an emergency when our house flooded years ago).

The house we live in now is the place I have felt most at home.

mugoftea456 · 29/01/2022 14:41

Yeah I let myself in and still calm it home.

Ie, I would call my dad and say ''popping to X town, I'll come home at 2, will you be in''

GorgeousLadyofWrestling · 29/01/2022 14:44

No because I had quite a few issues before I left home and it was pretty bad, to be honest.

I grew up in our family home and then my parents split up. My dad left, and then my mum met her now husband. Eventually she ended up living there all but in name - she would come back Sunday nights and then go again on Mondays. I was sixteen and lived that way for about 18 months until I just left my home town. I remember I used to take Nytol at night because I was scared sleeping in the house by myself.

When I moved away my mum officially moved into her partner’s house and sold the house I had been in. My mum and dad both remarried and though I go back maybe once a year, neither of their houses feels like home at all. The sense of home was gone for a very long time for me, until I managed to make my own home. I felt homesick for many, many years, struggling to make sense of why I had been abandoned.

Hisanimalgrace · 29/01/2022 14:47

Yes to my own dp ,welcome as is in, no standing on ceremony etc, all chip in.
I really want my grown up dc to have keys, come and go, hang out with us etc feel free to pop the kettle on.

House sit, watch any pets and I wouldn't mind them having friend's around either and hopefully I'd like their friends also.

Pallisers · 29/01/2022 14:49

yes until they died. It was the house I grew up in. I hope my own children will always feel our house is (another) home too. MIL moved out of the family home after FIL died and while everyone feels very welcome in her home, I think it feels less like "home" as such to dh and his siblings.

I don't live where I grew up and I felt sad when we sold the old family home as I no longer had a home there - even though I am always welcome at my sister's place.

MondeoFan · 29/01/2022 14:54

My parents have lived in the house since 1979. I moved out in 1994 so it's been 28 years since I lived there. I have fond memories of it, but are not close with my parents. I am close with my dad but my mum can be very cold towards me.
They've decorated and changed the furnishings a few times, front door is still the same as are the windows.
I don't have a key, when I moved out they asked for the key back.
My 2 DC have never spent a night there and are not close to their grandparents.
I presume they will carry on living there. Can't see them moving now.

sunshineandshowers40 · 29/01/2022 15:05

This is really interesting. My parents moved about 8 years ago so don't live in our childhood home but I know I could move in if needed; I see it as my second home if that makes sense. DH's mum has remarried, he doesn't view that as home (doesn't have a key).

I hope my DC always see where I live as their home but I think it depends how close you are and whether their is a step parent living with your parent.

Toddlerteaplease · 29/01/2022 15:14

No, not really. I have a door key. But it doesn't feel
Like mine anymore, maybe because I have my own home. Feel more at home at my sisters than my parents weirdly.

Devo1818 · 29/01/2022 15:16

No because I never lived there. I do wonder how it would feel to have my parents still live somewhere I did. I'm not sure I'd like it though.

Batoutofhell70 · 29/01/2022 15:17

No. I don't spend longer than I have to there. 5 minutes maximum

Echobelly · 29/01/2022 15:20

They actually moved out of the house I grew up in about 14 years ago, but somehow it feels very much like home. I have the key, and although it's smaller and a different layout to my childhood home, it's 5 mins away from it and of the same era, plus my parents have lots of pictures and books that are in there, which makes it feel like 'home' I guess.

SartresSoul · 29/01/2022 15:30

Nope. She moved out of the last house we shared a couple of years ago and I moved 30 miles away 3.5 years ago so we don’t see each other often anymore. When we do visit, I always knock and wait and she tells me off. Apparently we should just walk in but I hate it when MIL does this to us so I just can’t bring myself to do it. I feel comfortable enough although she’s always kept her house completely pristine so that fact puts me on edge a bit.

RedFishYellowFish · 29/01/2022 15:30

No, not at all. My parents still live in my childhood home but I really don't feel anything for the place. My house is my only home.

Salamander91 · 29/01/2022 16:20

My parents moved out of my childhood home and I don't have a bedroom in their new house so not really but I would still walk in and make myself at home.

GTAlogic · 29/01/2022 16:28

I never saw my dad's house as a home, even when my sibling and I used to have to stay every Saturday night.

I haven't ever been able to just go and stay at my mum's house because the rooms were always taken, though if I needed to I'd be able to sleep on the settee and she would be happy for me to do so. I can just walk in to her house (she's now moved out of what was our childhood home and lives in a bungalow) and make myself a cup of tea though. She does the same at all of our houses too.

TedMullins · 29/01/2022 16:33

My parents still live in the house I grew up in but no, I don’t refer to it as home, nor do I feel at home there. I hated where I grew up (boring midlands Tory market town with bugger all to do and narrow minded people) and couldn’t wait to leave.

My bedroom there is pretty much the same as when I lived there and if I needed to move back in if disaster struck, they would have me - but I don’t particularly like being there as I have a rocky relationship with my dad and it brings back negative memories of growing up there (being teased at school and not fitting in).

My tiny flat that I bought last year in south London is home. I feel more at home in London than I have anywhere else I’ve lived.