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Original poster

Is your parents house still your 'home?'

162 replies

seekinglondonlife · 29/01/2022 09:07

Saw something on another thread that made me think how lovely it must be to go to your parents house and still feel it is home.
Although we are close, I have quite a formal relationship with my DM and step dad. I don't have a house key, when I visit them I ring the doorbell and wait for them to answer the door, even if I can see them through the window. My old bedroom has been turned into a room for one of my siblings (he lives an hour away) and the box room is now a bedroom for his dd. None of the other dgc have ever spent a night in their house.
Weirdly I feel much more comfortable in DHs family home.

OP posts:

Hightemp · 29/01/2022 09:55

My darling mum moved from our childhood home to the house she lied in for over 20 years before she died. Her new home was our home. My children loved Grandma home and we always popped in without having to warn her .

EishetChayil · 29/01/2022 09:56

I don't consider my parents' house as my home. It's lovely and welcoming, but my home is where I live with DH and DD.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 29/01/2022 09:59

Although they are long grown up and have their own houses, our house is still ‘home’ for dds as far as we’re concerned. They have keys and are welcome any time, whether we’re here or not.

My folks moved a lot, so there was never an old childhood home to return to, but visiting/staying over still felt like home because of so many familiar things.

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IDontHaveThePelvisForAFuton · 29/01/2022 10:00

My parents are long gone but I like to think my adult dc still think of our house as a 'home' they are always welcome at even though we have moved from the house they grew up in. They have keys but they do knock as we generally leave keys in the lock inside.
I love it when they're here and feel they can grab food or put the kettle on. Dd dyes her hair in our bathroom as our water pressure is better than hers and ds washes his car in our driveway as he doesn't have one.

Everydaydayisaschoolday · 29/01/2022 10:01

No way. My childhood home was a place of bullying, belittling, physical punishment, hunger and unhappiness. Home to me is being alone or with my DH and adult DC.

My mum is alone, old and frail now and I am the closest relation to her geographically so I pop in and out to her current home 2/3 times a week to check in on her and help out. Every visit is an ordeal. I bloody hate it. Everywhere she has lived carries the same atmosphere of dread and hopelessness.

saltandpepper234 · 29/01/2022 10:02

A really interesting question. I haven’t lived full time at my parents since I was 18 and moved out “properly” (I.e. not boomeranging back for a while again) at 25. Since then my brother and his family have lived there and moved out again and the rooms have all be changed/redecorated and tbh it doesn’t particularly feel like home to me although I do let myself in with a key and help myself to things from the fridge. My parents are about to put their house on the market and move. I wasn’t bothered as I thought I had already said goodbye to the house as a family home when my brother and his family were living there but they moved out 2 years ago now and I’m not so sure. I think I will probably feel a little sad when that’s not their house anymore even though I have my own home. I will still help myself to things from the fridge at their new house though 😂

My PILs house possibly feels a little more like home simply because we have spent more informal time there over the years but it’s hard to explain properly why

PhilCornwall1 · 29/01/2022 10:02

No, it's not my home and doesn't feel like it either.

To be honest, for me, the house we live in now (for 17 years), is just a house. If we were moving today, I could shut the door on the place and that would be it for me. I was the same with our last two houses.

To me, it's bricks and mortar, I've got no attachment to it. It's a roof over our heads.

jessieminto · 29/01/2022 10:03

No. When I go to stay, even to look after DM, I have to bring my own food with me. Cook my own meals, make my own cup of tea etc. really is very strange and strained dynamic, nothing like PILs.

SlipperTripper · 29/01/2022 10:06

Yes, only my mums though. I was totally irrationally upset the other day when she changed the back door lock and my key that I've had since I was 11 no longer worked :-(

She gave me a new one, and I am pregnant so am blaming the hormones for this unreasonable reaction!

Gardengates · 29/01/2022 10:06

My parents moved when I was in my 20s. New house was still home.

Now My DF is gone, DM has sold the house and is staying with a friend whilst she finds somewhere else. Her requirements for a new house include space for me to come and stay (I am the only sibling with kids living far enough away to need to stay overnight)

It will be home when she moves and I totally plan on giving the same to my children

EileenGC · 29/01/2022 10:09

It feels homely yes, although I don't call it home anymore. They're in another country so it's hard to just pop by but I do keep a key somewhere I can't remember as I've had to take emergency trips there whilst they were away. I'd say they trust me and I feel welcome there.

northumberlandavenue · 29/01/2022 10:11

I don't call it home, it's mum's home (dad died a few years ago). Even though I lived there for most of my childhood, and three of the neighbours are the same.

TakeYourFinalPosition · 29/01/2022 10:12

I asked DH this a while back, as I never really had a “home”. He said no, it used to be but his home is with me now. It was really heartwarming, to be honest!

He does still have a key and he’d always be welcome there, although him & his parents clash if they’re together for too long, but it’s not home anymore.

TheDuchessOfMN · 29/01/2022 10:12

My mum downsized when we left.

I’ve never really thought about it until now, but no… absolutely not “home”. I would never call without ringing first, I ring the doorbell, I’d ask her permission before I put on the kettle, etc… it’s quite formal really.
I hope my kids are never like that with me and our family home (which we never intend to sell)

Toomanypeople · 29/01/2022 10:15

No, step mum moved in a few years after I moved out and although we get on well i didn't feel comfortable just turning up anymore. None of my dad's grandchildren have stayed overnight but her granddaughter stays most Fridays and every other week in school holidays. Granddaughter calls my old room her bedroom but my kids ask permission to even get a drink

Luminousnose · 29/01/2022 10:17

I didn’t live in the same house as my parents after the age of 19, but always had a bedroom and always thought of their house as home, until DP (as he was then) and I bought our first flat. They move three times after that and I still often went ‘home’ regularly at the weekend while living and working in London. Although our own house is now ‘home’ I have never felt like a guest in my parents house. My own DD will always have a bedroom in our house.

SilverGlassHare · 29/01/2022 10:22

After my mum died, my dad moved to a smaller house in a different town (nearer his siblings) so I definitely don’t feel that his new house is my home. Before that, it was still home and I still had a key and would let myself in when I arrived. DH’s parents still live in the house he grew up in, he had a key and we just walk in when we arrive.

RuthTopp · 29/01/2022 10:22

I ended up living a few hundred miles away from my parents / my childhood home . My bedroom stayed the same for many years and I would stay in it when I visited . When I married dh and I would squeeze into my old single bed , and we managed ok.
They then redecorated but kept the fitted wardrobe and drawers , and put in a double.
I had always kept a key , and was given a new one when they changed windows and doors.
Many years later when my last remaining parent died and the house was being sold , I was surprised at the emotion of visiting the house for the last time. I sat remembering the Christmases , and happy times , even going around the house touching walls saying goodbye.
I do go back to my hometown , and always take a drive down ' my street ' .

marmalade32 · 29/01/2022 10:23

No. Dm remarried after df died and moved house. Don't feel comfortable there at all as its his house and always feel like a formal guest. I envy you if it's still home..

IVFdreams2021 · 29/01/2022 10:24

Yeah and my bedroom is still exactly the same as it always has been! Must clear it at some point

CharbetHallmark · 29/01/2022 10:26

Yes! My parents house is my childhood home and I still have a key. They want to sell this year and get something smaller which I will miss. It's near my kids school so I often pop in before the school run.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 29/01/2022 10:26

Yes in the sense that I'm always welcome there.
No in the practical sense. We live 200 miles away so no popping round. When I take my DDs to stay there, we share my old bedroom (although it now has bunk beds us a single bed instead of a single plus trundle when I was younger). They need a few days notice of us coming as the room is used for other things when we aren't around. If DH comes too, we stay at a hotel while DDs stay at the house. They get special food for us coming so we are treated as very special guests, but obviously can get our own drinks etc as wanted.

PILs have their house set up to recieve grandchildren at any time, plus a guest room for whichever child plus partner. They could at a push get all of us in (2 children plus 2 partners, and 5 grandchildren 14- 6 months). DH and I would be sleeping on the living room floor though, and one grandchild would need a blow up bed.

TheFlis12345 · 29/01/2022 10:27

My parents have lived in the same house since before I was born so it will always be home to me. I still have a key and bedroom with some of my stuff in it. My parents encourage DH to feel at home there too, my mum even bought him a dressing gown and slippers to keep there for when we visit

Daisy829 · 29/01/2022 10:27

My mums current home isn’t my childhood home and I have never lived there but I love it and feel very comfortable. I walk in without knocking (I don’t have a key though).
My dads house doesn’t feel like my home even though he had it when I was a child and i stayed over and had a bedroom there.

Backwards31 · 29/01/2022 10:35

Absolutely. I have a key and just let myself in whenever I'm there which is most days. My childhood room has been changed for my son now and my brothers old room is my daughter's room. My son actually sleeps there most of the time as his school is right beside there and he is 16. My daughter could also spend up to 5 nights a week there sometimes if I'm working late she just tells her nanny she's staying 😂. It will always feel like home to me I love being there and the feeling of being home. I will inherit the house one day and always keep it in our family passing it down through the generations( hopefully)

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