Social media damages children's mental health. Ban it?

[noblegiraffe]

This blog from Sam Freedman lays out the evidence that use of social media is linked to a rise in mental health issues in children and young people samf.substack.com/p/kids-and-social-media-a-mental-health?r=15j85e

He concludes that he will be keeping his 12 year old twins away from smart phones for as long as possible.

I've got one DC who is entirely uninterested in social media and one who is too young; but I can see that in the future there will be a big battle there.

It's not entirely clear what is meant by social media, whether that includes messaging apps, but schools are rife with problems caused by those too.

Have you seen any impact? Is it possible to keep them off it in this day and age? What can be done to mitigate the impact if not?

Unfortunately I think pandoras box has been opened and it can’t be closed now

However I do think that people and future generations will grow oht of it
I notice quite a few people of all ages giving up social media now. Think tbe novelty is wearing off and it’s only distracting us from real problems

Gosh I wish I had your optimism, it's designed to be highly addictive!

I've noticed kids shift in what they're using, it used to be more snapchat, now Instagram, plenty on TikTok chasing the likes. I've not noticed any trend towards giving it up.

I banned WhatsApp and YouTube until 13 (summer term of Y8) and still don’t allow TikTok, Snapchat or any other similar app. So it’s possible.

Is it the right way? I don’t know - she sees stuff on other peoples phones, but it is at least less regular, not private and not based on algorithms specifically aimed at her vulnerabilities.

I think maybe I should have allowed WhatsApp sooner - but there was a lot of angst and nastiness around it, so it seemed best not. But she did miss out a bit, I think, when friendships formed in Y7 and she couldn’t be added to the WhatsApp group.

But having seen the level of grooming, dick pics etc that one woman posing as a teenager can get in an hour (a sting operation, working with the police, there was a documentary about it), I cannot just let a teenage girl loose on the internet. So her phone is very locked down, and we negotiate what she has access to as the need or want arises.

Mine have said it would be social death not to have a phone (13/15).

Try standing firm on banning this in the face of a sobbing 13 year old adamant she is being excluded from her friendship group because of our no SM rule when all the other parents allow it. Would be interested if you can - we caved. Was trashing our relationship.

I suspect more should be done at primary level before parents let their kids have phones. So y3 & 4 educating the parents about why SM isn't a good idea before say y9. It may cost effort, but maybe it would be a good investment to stop teacher being dragged into arguments in y5-y8?

(It also doesn't help when schools give links to things on e.g. YouTube as you have to remove parental controls so they can access things ...)

I think it will be a lot more like other things that are regarded as addictive. Think cigarettes, gambling and alcohol.

Over time, people will start to self regulate and there will be better ways to limit useage if you want to. This will require a big scandal / study on the effects of social media. It will happen I think.

Then there will be a demand for ways to block it etc.

There will be a 'back to basics' style movement from parents at some point, which will catch on. That will require services / clubs to be affordable and available.

So what you will probably find is that you'll get a split along class / income lines with the middle class ditching it first.

The idea of banning it is ridiculous. It now supports a multi-billion pound industry which markets to targetted groups. The political will just won't be there and the public support for a ban won't be there.

But voluntary cut back will be.

I think the 'back to basic' thing will probably arise as the Greta Thunberg generation get a bit older and have children in their 30s - there are many in that generation who are growing up to see the value in being outside and enjoying the environment and I think will perhaps eventually reject screen time as the default. But it will be a while yet. It will also probably come at the point we hit a peak in obesity rates - there may be incentive for government to tax for excessive social media use (which will be worthwhile if this also gets money from those using social media as a business opportunity or for advertising - governments are always looking for new ways to tax us afterall).

Yes, its designed to be highly addictive - thats part of the point and where the downfall might be. Social media companies may have documentation about how to increase addictiveness (in fact I think FB have already been caught with this type of data). I think that will help spark a backlash, but I also think its a few years off before we start seeing it bite so to speak.

Btw, I personally will be limiting social media for DS.

@TeenPlusCat

I suspect more should be done at primary level before parents let their kids have phones. So y3 & 4 educating the parents about why SM isn't a good idea before say y9. It may cost effort, but maybe it would be a good investment to stop teacher being dragged into arguments in y5-y8?

(It also doesn't help when schools give links to things on e.g. YouTube as you have to remove parental controls so they can access things ...)

That’s a really good point. The primary school’s lockdown provision had at least one YouTube link every day. So dd couldn’t do it until there was a parent free, as YouTube is blocked on her account. The school also used random websites that I had to interrupt work to add to the net nanny whitelist. I would imagine most parents just handed their phone over, with no parental controls, as it was such a pain constantly dealing with things not working.

We even found that at least a quarter of videos linked from Seneca (online GCSE revision tool) were blocked by parental controls.

@MsTSwift

Mine have said it would be social death not to have a phone (13/15).

Try standing firm on banning this in the face of a sobbing 13 year old adamant she is being excluded from her friendship group because of our no SM rule when all the other parents allow it. Would be interested if you can - we caved. Was trashing our relationship.

Yes, I can easily see this happening in a couple of years!

Given that you've allowed it, do you now monitor it/not allow certain apps?

I can see how it would be very difficult not to allow e.g. Whatsapp for group chats if that's where social stuff is happening (although the kids tell me Whatsapp is for group chats with your Nan).

educating the parents about why SM isn't a good idea before say y9

The facebook study in the blog in the OP was about it harming mental health on college campuses so I don't think it's a good idea after Y9 either (particularly as body image issues really start kicking in around puberty).

@TeenPlusCat

We even found that at least a quarter of videos linked from Seneca (online GCSE revision tool) were blocked by parental controls.

I’ll watch out for that - older dd uses Seneca. But she has a school-managed device, so at least it is the school’s problem to sort out what to add to the white list and what alternatives to offer where they feel it’s inappropriate or can’t be made safe etc.

@RedToothBrush

I think the 'back to basic' thing will probably arise as the Greta Thunberg generation get a bit older and have children in their 30s - there are many in that generation who are growing up to see the value in being outside and enjoying the environment and I think will perhaps eventually reject screen time as the default.

People have been saying similar for years, but as teenagers turn into adults, they drift away from the idealisms of youth. Of course, there will be some who keep the idealogy, but sadly, I think the majority will just turn into the same kind of adults that previous generations did.

It's a bit like how teenagers and 20 somethings are generally politically to the left, but in adulthood, they turn to the right.

Social media is neither good nor evil. It's like any other tool in the hands of human beings - it has the potential to be used for either. Banning it is not only ridiculous but impossible at this point. Parents need to apply safeguards and limits, as they would with access to sharp knives and naked flames. And different parents will make different choices and have different thresholds.

Personally, I think it's actively wrong to deny older children (secondary onwards) the opportunity to engage in what have become normal channels of communication with their peers. Like it or not, this is the world our offspring live in and will have to grow up and work in. This is their culture - parents who go all out to keep their children separate from it are stunting their development and preventing them from engaging in normal friendships. This is how kids interact with one another now. You can, of course, cut your own child off for as long as possible, but you're not doing them any favours.

My kid's Y7 what app group is a shit pit with absolutely foul language and constant winding up. I let me dc join as I don't want them to feel left out but there is so much shit posted daily by the same attention seeking boys and girls, nothing supportive, nothing kind just a depressingly dumb and rude stream of attention seeking consciousness.

One girl is so addicted to TikTok and WhatsApp that she screenshots the 'read' receipt and challenges the kids who have read her class messages and not replied.

Dc glances at the group every now and again but doesn't engage unless to help with a question about homework. I'm hoping the group will improve as these kids become more mature or smaller more supportive groups replace it.

My dc is a bit naive and I feel they need to be a bit exposed to this shit so I don't wrap them in cotton wool. They need to become a bit street wise. We talk about the messages sometimes and I explain what I think is appropriate and we explore how sending a mean message would make another child feel. Also teaching my kid not to ever, ever share anything on any message, even if it's a PM unless they are comfortable for the whole school + teachers to see it. Kids constantly taking screenshots and share, there is no privacy in messaging.

I'd love for these things to be outlawed until 16+ but that's not going to happen.

My DD is in Yr 6. She also plays for a football team. She is the only child who doesn’t have a phone! As you’re aware, DH and I are both secondary teachers and the grief that takes place over SM chats is just not worth the aggravation. DD has excellent mental health, I’m not going to introduce anything that will be at a detriment to her.

My kid's Y7 what app group is a shit pit with absolutely foul language and constant winding up.

Yeah, mine too, DS wasn't happy about it so he left the group. He wouldn't be hanging about with these particular kids at school so no need for them to be (virtually) in his bedroom.

Personally, I think it's actively wrong to deny older children (secondary onwards) the opportunity to engage in what have become normal channels of communication with their peers.

And the opportunity to develop mental health issues/self-harming behaviours as a result?

Fingers in ears isn't a good approach. If you are going to allow it, I think efforts need to be made to acknowledge the risks and potential harms and minimise them.

And expecting kids to be able to do that for themselves when many adults find it incredibly difficult is a bit of a non-starter.

I’m also shocked that parents allow phones in rooms at night. I know DD’s classmates and teammates message each other late at night and into the morning - why aren’t they asleep?!

We held off phones until end of year 6. We monitor etc. older one barely posts on sm but is in constant contact with her tight (nice) friendship group. Am ok with this.

13 year old on phone a lot so it’s a time suck. But it’s benign content. Means they read less than we did as teens though 😒

They had phones for secondary but only had whatsApp this year.

They're not on TikTok, or facebook do have youtube to watch but that's it.

DD2 - now 12 year 8 probably had things younger than older two.

First lockdown she was Y6 - her friends didn't have phones or access to ways to keep in touch and it did get them down. Y7 they had teams and most had phones - so later lock downs were much happier experiences for her.

There are clearly downsides and they do need to be taught to keep safe and phones are supposed to be downstairs at night - we do check.

DD1 - now 16 we leave her to it - she self regulates and doesn't seem to have any mental health issues but though she had a phone at 11 she was still exposed to many app and things later than many of her peers - but then she also follows many of the same you tubers as us - TBH I worry more about DS and what he watches up in his room more and do check on him.

Smart phone at 13 (family dumb phone when needed prior to that) but only has music, text, email, maps & Skype on there everything else is locked down. I would consider WhatsApp for known friends but have refused Snapchat after trying it out myself.

She can access internet etc via family PC but doesn't often.

@motherrunner

I’m also shocked that parents allow phones in rooms at night. I know DD’s classmates and teammates message each other late at night and into the morning - why aren’t they asleep?!

I’ve talked about this to my tutor group, how much better it is to leave your phone downstairs at night. Omg the pushback. It’s their alarm clock! They use it to listen to music! They read books on it!

This is one thing where parents can make an instant improvement. Some kids are so tired at school from late night social media.

It can be an alarm clock and play music / podcasts but not do anything else - that’s how I have my phone set up at night (with an emergency ring exception for a few family numbers), as well as the DC’s. The DC don’t get to choose that setting, but interestingly, they quite like being able to tell their friends that it’s no use whatapping after 9, they won’t get it because of their annoying parents who are so strict.

Seeing the impact of SM in schools has made me adamant that I will resist it at all costs for DS.
We are a low tech household, though. We don't have a TV or any games consoles, so maybe that wil make it easier to resist when the time comes?